Something has changed - seemingly for the better!

Anoneemoose

Hi everyone.

Some of you will know I have had some issues with insecurities and my marriage.

I am not for one minute saying this is a permanent 'fix' but something has changed inside me and I feel it possible to accept myself for who I am (size 18 and all)!

I have read some books about rejecting dieting and they have been a revelation. The penny has finally dropped that diets do not work in general and it seems my constant fixation on needing to/ wanting to lose weight has been the thing that has had me in a perpetual state of self hatred. It has led me all this time to believe I am a failure when I haven't been able to stick to diets and I realise now that it is not my fault!

I have only had 2 sessions of my private counselling so I don't know if this has contributed to the change in me however the lady I am seeing is amazing (I actually saw her 17 years ago after my first bout of PND). Our 2 sessions have been mainly a 'getting to know me' one and also a proper one which started to investigate things in general. She also explained the danger of the 'self fulfilling prophecy' situation that I find myself in and that it is a very real known psychological possibility (thanks, Jetplane ).

I just woke up the other day and decided to stop being so hard on myself and I have to say, it has been relatively easy. I have forced myself to look in the mirror and pick out my good bits - although I haven't found much that I think is 'good' yet - Rome wasn't built in a day and all that. I have managed however to not feel repulsed or ashamed like I have for most of my life previously. (Big, big step)!

I have also begun to accept my Fibromyalgia and the effect it has on me, instead of trying to be what 'I used to be'.

Like I said, I am not saying that this will be 'it' and that I am 'fixed' but I feel it is such progress for me I thought it would be good to share with all of the people that took time to reply to my threads. Hopefully I can continue to progress and make this way of thinking 'the norm'.

So there you go! And again, thank you all!!x

Bella56

Sounds great! Dieting is definitely hard on the mood - worrying about food is not fun! I am in the same position and have just started doing exercise DVDs and stopped worrying about food, it has helped my happiness to no end.

bagpussbear

What a lovely positive post :-) glad things are going better for you, and may they continue to do so.

delain

I started calorie counting in March, lost quite a bit of weight and have found that now I'm happier with how I look and more active (I started walking and swimming) I feel so much better in myself that I've been able to give up calorie counting and my weight is still slowly going down

Make-it-3

Really pleased, learning to love who you are can give you a whole new perspective on live and you will see things change just because your outlook on them has.

Dieting doesn't work if you want a long term solution you need to make simple, small lifestyle changes that you can live with permanently. Ie get used to tea without sugar. Also full-fat foods in small quantities are better than so called diet versions, same with diet coke - they fool your body into thinking they are getting energy and then when it doesn't get it the the crash happens quicker and you start pigging out sooner. Diet industry is shameful.

New_and_Improved_Me

What a load of CRAP……that people are happy being FAT…..

Take it from someone who has been slim FAT slim FAT Slim SLIM SLIM…… J

The secret to dieting is SELF-CONTROL, if you have none……..YOU WILL FAIL….. simple fact…

I see SO many girls, on CONSTANT diets…..this diet…that diet….it’s become an industry full of crap…..SO many celebrates and athletes have their own diets….it’s all MONEY MAKING….and nothing more….

The word ‘DIET’ should be renamed ‘SELF-CONTROL’…because until you learn self-control you will not lose weight…..and keep it off….

Diets are temporary...….you CAN NOT live your life if you’re constantly on a diet……you NEED self-control and the weight will drop off…..

I’m going be harsh now…..

NO-ONE is born FAT….FATNESS is a direct cause of what you stuff down your through……

I hear so many excuses from Overweight people as to why they are fat……especially men…..!!!!!! guys…WHY…..you don’t give birth…..women gain weight during pregnancy it’s a FACT of life.....but what excuse do you MEN have….apart from stuffing your faces…..drinking your-self into a stooper…..and yes alcohol has ALLOT to do with weight gain…..

And let’s talk about women for a moment….I constantly hear…O I’m doing this diet….i’m doing that diet…..and not losing any weight…..

Women….WEIGHT LOSS is NOT an overnight phenomenon..…you have to be committed to it……you NEED to have self-control to say NO to food…..and to exercise with your diets…..the weight WILL GO…..

You didn’t become size 18/20 overnight…and you’re NOT going to become a size 10/12 overnight……it’s a long and HARD road……and so SO many fail…because they want results instantly and without any pain….it NOT going to happen….NO PAIN, NO GAIN……

The MAJORITY of people who say they are happy being a size 18/20 are just lying to themselves…….

The FACT is……..they have no self-control to do what NEEDS to me done and therefore put a façade on for themselves and other people that they are “HAPPY’’ just being FAT….

I know I’m going get slated for this post…..but it’s all carp that FAT people are HAPPY being FAT..….80/90% of people are NOT happy being FAT…..Simple truth…..but there is always an exception to the rule....:)

If I could offer u a miracle pill that would make you go from a size 20 to a size 10…..I can GUARANTEE you that you would ALL be lining up to get it…..

fluffnutter

New_and_Improved_Me wrote: »

What a load of CRAP……that people are happy being FAT…..

Take it from someone who has been slim FAT slim FAT Slim SLIM SLIM…… J

The secret to dieting is SELF-CONTROL, if you have none……..YOU WILL FAIL….. simple fact…

I see SO many girls, on CONSTANT diets…..this diet…that diet….it’s become an industry full of crap…..SO many celebrates and athletes have their own diets….it’s all MONEY MAKING….and nothing more….

The word ‘DIET’ should be renamed ‘SELF-CONTROL’…because until you learn self-control you will not lose weight…..and keep it off….

Diets are temporary...….you CAN NOT live your life if you’re constantly on a diet……you NEED self-control and the weight will drop off…..

I’m going be harsh now…..

NO-ONE is born FAT….FATNESS is a direct cause of what you stuff down your through……

I hear so many excuses from Overweight people as to why they are fat……especially men…..!!!!!! guys…WHY…..you don’t give birth…..women gain weight during pregnancy it’s a FACT of life.....but what excuse do you MEN have….apart from stuffing your faces…..drinking your-self into a stooper…..and yes alcohol has ALLOT to do with weight gain…..

And let’s talk about women for a moment….I constantly hear…O I’m doing this diet….i’m doing that diet…..and not losing any weight…..

Women….WEIGHT LOSS is NOT an overnight phenomenon..…you have to be committed to it……you NEED to have self-control to say NO to food…..and to exercise with your diets…..the weight WILL GO…..

You didn’t become size 18/20 overnight…and you’re NOT going to become a size 10/12 overnight……it’s a long and HARD road……and so SO many fail…because they want results instantly and without any pain….it NOT going to happen….NO PAIN, NO GAIN……

The MAJORITY of people who say they are happy being a size 18/20 are just lying to themselves…….

The FACT is……..they have no self-control to do what NEEDS to me done and therefore put a façade on for themselves and other people that they are “HAPPY’’ just being FAT….

I know I’m going get slated for this post…..but it’s all carp that….80/90% of people are NOT happy being FAT…..Simple truth…..

If I could offer u a miracle pill that would make you go from a size 20 to a size 10…..I can GUARANTEE you that you would ALL be lining up to get it…..

I love the ramblings of a prize !!!!!!, don't you? :rotfl:

New_and_Improved_Me

lol...so do i....LIKE....:)

Anoneemoose

New_and_Improved_Me wrote: »

What a load of CRAP……that people are happy being FAT…..

Take it from someone who has been slim FAT slim FAT Slim SLIM SLIM…… J

The secret to dieting is SELF-CONTROL, if you have none……..YOU WILL FAIL….. simple fact…

I see SO many girls, on CONSTANT diets…..this diet…that diet….it’s become an industry full of crap…..SO many celebrates and athletes have their own diets….it’s all MONEY MAKING….and nothing more….

The word ‘DIET’ should be renamed ‘SELF-CONTROL’…because until you learn self-control you will not lose weight…..and keep it off….

Diets are temporary...….you CAN NOT live your life if you’re constantly on a diet……you NEED self-control and the weight will drop off…..

I’m going be harsh now…..

NO-ONE is born FAT….FATNESS is a direct cause of what you stuff down your through……

I hear so many excuses from Overweight people as to why they are fat……especially men…..!!!!!! guys…WHY…..you don’t give birth…..women gain weight during pregnancy it’s a FACT of life.....but what excuse do you MEN have….apart from stuffing your faces…..drinking your-self into a stooper…..and yes alcohol has ALLOT to do with weight gain…..

And let’s talk about women for a moment….I constantly hear…O I’m doing this diet….i’m doing that diet…..and not losing any weight…..

Women….WEIGHT LOSS is NOT an overnight phenomenon..…you have to be committed to it……you NEED to have self-control to say NO to food…..and to exercise with your diets…..the weight WILL GO…..

You didn’t become size 18/20 overnight…and you’re NOT going to become a size 10/12 overnight……it’s a long and HARD road……and so SO many fail…because they want results instantly and without any pain….it NOT going to happen….NO PAIN, NO GAIN……

The MAJORITY of people who say they are happy being a size 18/20 are just lying to themselves…….

The FACT is……..they have no self-control to do what NEEDS to me done and therefore put a façade on for themselves and other people that they are “HAPPY’’ just being FAT….

I know I’m going get slated for this post…..but it’s all carp that FAT people are HAPPY being FAT..….80/90% of people are NOT happy being FAT…..Simple truth…..but there is always an exception to the rule....:)

If I could offer u a miracle pill that would make you go from a size 20 to a size 10…..I can GUARANTEE you that you would ALL be lining up to get it…..

But it's people like you that reinforce the idea that if someone is a size 18/20 they are a failure and 'not good enough'. Why? Just because I have a bit of extra weight makes me less a person? No I don't think so and do you know what, this is probably the first time in my whole life that I have ever been able to say that and actually believe it. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to point that out and mean it.

Oh, and if only I could 'exercise' - it makes me ill. I have CFS/Fibromyalgia so sometimes I barely have the energy to get through the day let alone to exercise as well. I do however try and fit in little bits of activity when I can. Usually a walk round the block.

I'll reiterate, the main reason people feel unhappy when they're big is because a lot of people feel like I did; ashamed, embarrassed, not good enough - all brought on by society's ideals. I never took into account that my kids think I am the best mum ever, my younger sisters look up to me for advice, my friends love me and enjoy spending time with me. And finally, my husband loves me and finds me attractive. THOSE are the things that matter.

thorsoak

New_and_Improved_Me wrote: »

What a load of CRAP……that people are happy being FAT…..

Take it from someone who has been slim FAT slim FAT Slim SLIM SLIM…… J

The secret to dieting is SELF-CONTROL, if you have none……..YOU WILL FAIL….. simple fact…

I see SO many girls, on CONSTANT diets…..this diet…that diet….it’s become an industry full of crap…..SO many celebrates and athletes have their own diets….it’s all MONEY MAKING….and nothing more….


The word ‘DIET’ should be renamed ‘SELF-CONTROL’…because until you learn self-control you will not lose weight…..and keep it off….

Diets are temporary...….you CAN NOT live your life if you’re constantly on a diet……you NEED self-control and the weight will drop off…..

I’m going be harsh now…..

NO-ONE is born FAT….FATNESS is a direct cause of what you stuff down your through……

I hear so many excuses from Overweight people as to why they are fat……especially men…..!!!!!! guys…WHY…..you don’t give birth…..women gain weight during pregnancy it’s a FACT of life.....but what excuse do you MEN have….apart from stuffing your faces…..drinking your-self into a stooper…..and yes alcohol has ALLOT to do with weight gain…..

And let’s talk about women for a moment….I constantly hear…O I’m doing this diet….i’m doing that diet…..and not losing any weight…..

Women….WEIGHT LOSS is NOT an overnight phenomenon..…you have to be committed to it……you NEED to have self-control to say NO to food…..and to exercise with your diets…..the weight WILL GO…..

You didn’t become size 18/20 overnight…and you’re NOT going to become a size 10/12 overnight……it’s a long and HARD road……and so SO many fail…because they want results instantly and without any pain….it NOT going to happen….NO PAIN, NO GAIN……

The MAJORITY of people who say they are happy being a size 18/20 are just lying to themselves…….

The FACT is……..they have no self-control to do what NEEDS to me done and therefore put a façade on for themselves and other people that they are “HAPPY’’ just being FAT….

I know I’m going get slated for this post…..but it’s all carp that FAT people are HAPPY being FAT..….80/90% of people are NOT happy being FAT…..Simple truth…..but there is always an exception to the rule....:)

If I could offer u a miracle pill that would make you go from a size 20 to a size 10…..I can GUARANTEE you that you would ALL be lining up to get it…..

I know several people who have been "SLIMMERS OF THE YEAR", having lost several stone in weight, but then, years later, have regained all the weight that they lost - and then set out to do the same again.

Your message, New and Improved Me, is that in order to be "improved" you have to be skinny. WRONG

What is important is to be comfortable in your own skin - however large an area that skin might be!

Abbymoo

Seems to me some people should work more on IMPROVING their personalities and attitudes than their outward appearance

Being thin may, to some people, be more attractive, but if you're about much fun as a kidney infection you'll never be really happy, thigh gap or not.

It's beyond me why people get so het up about other peoples weight/looks.
They must have major issues with themselves and/or seriously boring lives.

OP, good on you. I have CFS and also struggle to exercise. I eat pretty heathily to make up for it and have simply accepted that I'll never be supermodel material. But I don't care anymore. I'm me, and I'm borderline fabulous. I'm sure you are, too!