Fed up

System

McKneff wrote: »

Could ld someone actually just let me have their thoughts, husband dies at say 45 after a couple or 3 or 4 years of marriage or a couple like my self and OH who have been marred coming up 46 years. Why do people think that one is worse than the other. I cant imagine coming into an empty house or sleeping in an empty bed at my age ie 64, where as if I was say 40, 45 it would be a different matter altogether.

I think the ability of 'getting over it' might be easier in your 40s than in your 60s.

Not sure though, never going through it myself.

davenport151

Geebee -just to enfore what others have said. Go for what you want. YOU are responsible for your hapiness.
Times may seem hard when there is no money or companionship in your life. But only you can make those changes - no one else can be happy for you.

I'm at the mid way point now towards fifty (now thats scary)! Its just a number. I still feel like I am in my twenties.

I work in an old persons home and that really makes me appreciate life while we have it and are able to choose our path. Choose it wisely, make lots of lovely memories. Do the things you enjoy and that give YOU pleasure. Money need not be a barrier to these things. My best times are spent out for a walk in the park or country.

GeeBee38

McKneff wrote: »

Could ld someone actually just let me have their thoughts, husband dies at say 45 after a couple or 3 or 4 years of marriage or a couple like my self and OH who have been marred coming up 46 years. Why do people think that one is worse than the other. I cant imagine coming into an empty house or sleeping in an empty bed at my age ie 64, where as if I was say 40, 45 it would be a different matter altogether.

Sorry, i have ony just read this, can you explain what you mean please, i'm a little confused?

I was with my partner for 15 years if that means anything?

GeeBee38

Judi wrote: »

I think the ability of 'getting over it' might be easier in your 40s than in your 60s.

Not sure though, never going through it myself.

Untill a person has been through it, it's very hard to imagine how one would feel, i dont think it's easy no matter what age you are?

Is this what you mean, sorry, i may have gotten a little confused?

Thanks

whitewing

I think McKneff was probably talking generally, not about your personal situation GeeBee. Maybe someone had said something to McKneff in real life.

People can be incredibly insensitive - a friend of mine was told by a close relative that it was longer than 6 months (since her husband of many, many years had passed away) and everyone was getting a bit bored of it now. Thankfully, other people's kindnesses counterbalanced the crass remarks.

How are you today, GeeBee? Been up to anything good?

GeeBee38

Thank you whitewing for explaining, yes people can be very insensitive indeed, like i said, untill a person has been through it, it's very hard to say how you would feel,how it affects you and for how long, everyone is different..

Anyway, not been up to much really, just keeping busy, i do feel much better, thank you for asking

GeeBee38

And thank you everyone else for all your good advice and nice comments, and for asking about me, i am ok, much better

Thank you

McKneff

whitewing wrote: »

I don't think anybody genuinely thinks one is worse or better than the other. In both situations, you are grieving for what you had that is gone, and what you still could have had that is also gone.

I think when you are older, you have seen more people in general pass away and therefore you are more accepting that it is more likely to happen as you get older. But it is still the most monumental loss.

Makes me tearful to even answer you post, and I guess that is what happens, even the thought of it is so tremendously sad that people push those thoughts away.

I do believe that it is better to risk loving, and risk loving again, than to close your heart to the risk of further pain. ( However, there is not a set time to grieve, or a set time for living with acceptance, so, like all of the difficult life situations, it's baby steps).

A very very sensitive and well thought out post Whitewing, thank you and to the op, Im sorry if you took it personally because as Whitewing says, I was talking generally and no offence was meant to yourself. xx
Hope you are doing okay,