Fed up

GeeBee38

Lovely singing!!! thank you all xxx

yes GeeBee40 xx

FBaby

Geebee, if inspiring stories can help you start your 41st year. My grand-mother spent her 40th crying her eyes out. She had been married and divorced without children, then fell madly in love with a man who was married, and although their relationship was accepted (including by the wife, strange times ), having children was out of the question. She finally left him at 38 as she couldn't go on with him knowing she would never be a mum, her heart seriously broken, then war started and she had to go back to her father to help with the war.

She was totally down on her life at this point, when my father who had bee seriously traumatised by the war (having already thought the 1st one in horrendous conditions) came to stay at her dads. They got to know each other gradually and fell on love. He was 45 then, having never married not have children. They married a year later, and she fell pregnant a few month later before miscarrying. She was utterly devastated but didn't give up. She fell pregnant again 3 months after her 44th birthday, and gave bith to a perfectly healthy baby, my mum, 2 days after her 45th birthday.

I absolutely love that story, wish I could have heard it in detail from her own mouth, but I do have it all in writing and when I'm down, I read it to get a massive boost of self-confidence.

Georgiegirl256

That's lovely FBaby! So heartwarming.

How are you doing today GeeBee?

mrsscattercushion

Belated happy birthday to you!!! How are you feeling today?

Re fostering ~ it may not count against you, as it was some time ago and in understandable circumstances...what they would look at in the assessment is how you are now and how you've managed since....having an understanding of loss can be an advantage as you can empathise and support a child going through loss and separation and the trauma associated with it ~ providing it doesn't re-trigger things too much for you.

I wish you the very best x

whitewing

Morning GeeBee,

You're one day closer to the life you want to lead!

GeeBee38

Thank you for sharing FBaby, that truly is a lovely story

I do feel a bit better today, thank you everyone for asking, just keeping myself busy today xx

McKneff

Could ld someone actually just let me have their thoughts, husband dies at say 45 after a couple or 3 or 4 years of marriage or a couple like my self and OH who have been marred coming up 46 years. Why do people think that one is worse than the other. I cant imagine coming into an empty house or sleeping in an empty bed at my age ie 64, where as if I was say 40, 45 it would be a different matter altogether.

Lara44

Aww I don't think anyone said it was worse, just a really hard experience overall. Losing someone so young must feel like a terrible injustice, to be robbed of a life together. Losing a partner when older is so difficult because of having had the benefit of that time.

How are you doing today, GeeBee? Love your avatar, btw!

whitewing

McKneff wrote: »

Could ld someone actually just let me have their thoughts, husband dies at say 45 after a couple or 3 or 4 years of marriage or a couple like my self and OH who have been marred coming up 46 years. Why do people think that one is worse than the other. I cant imagine coming into an empty house or sleeping in an empty bed at my age ie 64, where as if I was say 40, 45 it would be a different matter altogether.

I don't think anybody genuinely thinks one is worse or better than the other. In both situations, you are grieving for what you had that is gone, and what you still could have had that is also gone.

I think when you are older, you have seen more people in general pass away and therefore you are more accepting that it is more likely to happen as you get older. But it is still the most monumental loss.

Makes me tearful to even answer you post, and I guess that is what happens, even the thought of it is so tremendously sad that people push those thoughts away.

I do believe that it is better to risk loving, and risk loving again, than to close your heart to the risk of further pain. ( However, there is not a set time to grieve, or a set time for living with acceptance, so, like all of the difficult life situations, it's baby steps).

Georgiegirl256

Beautifully put whitewing.

@McKneff, it's not a competition as to why one is worse than another. I guess as whitewing says, maybe when you're younger, people grieve for what might have been, what the future might have held etc. But both are equally as sad.