pet euthanasia should a child be there?

poet123

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I know I'm leaving myself open for flaming, but it doesn't matter what he had to wash off a window. That wasn't his act, that wasn't the result of any choice or decision he had made and wasn't remotely connected to anybody who was totally dependent upon him for their very existence. It was dealing with the aftermath of horrible things happening to other unrelated and independent adults.


I believe that anyone who 'can't handle' being there for their pet in their final moments is shirking their responsibilities.

A human is entirely responsible for a pet's wellbeing, social development, ongoing health - and ultimately their death. It is an owner's final responsibility to their pet to ensure that their death is as gentle as it can be - and where that means being there, so their last thought was that their owner was with them, there's no excuse for wimping out and making the excuse that they can't cope with it.

Excuse me, but I think you have completely misunderstood here. My dad was with the dog until the end. He did not and would not have shirked that responsibility. My point was that he was emotionally broken by it, despite what he had seen and done in the war.

I don't know know how you came to the conclusion that he wasn't there, but perhaps you should read posts more carefully before jumping and casting aspersions?

ibizafan_2

Oh dear. This thread has got tears rolling down my face when I remember having beloved pets pts. I could never bear to bury them either, so I have a collection of small wooden boxes with their ashes inside. Anyone else as bad? I only have to think of rainbow bridge to set me off!

madget_2

Armchair23 wrote: »

You should be honest with your children and let them know what is going to happen. That doesn't mean to say you have to let them be there or go into full details of what occurs. But if nothing else you should ask them what they would prefer.

Kids have a way of sensing when they are being fed a story, and to lie with even the best of intentions is risky.

Frankly being told an animal (or grandparent come to that) has 'died in their sleep' is way more likely to be traumatic than the truth. If ever there was a nightmare inducing phrase that's got to be it.

Learning to cope with your emotions and discovering that life does go on even with tears is a really important lesson, and not one you learn at a certain age but something that happens throughout your childhood and adulthood.

You sound very caring and thoughtful so I'm sure you'll do what's best for you all as a family.

I agree completely with this.

As a very young child, I was told that my best friend died in her sleep. For many years after, I used to freak out about going to sleep at night. I would always try to make lots of noise to ensure that someone else would be awake in case I might die too. Dying in your sleep may sound peaceful to adults, but can be a nightmarish description for kids.

My last experience with having a beloved cat put to sleep at home was also very traumatic. Though it was several years ago, my blood still runs cold to think of it. There's no way I would have wanted a child to be present. Unfortunately, the problem is that you can never guarantee quite how peaceful or otherwise the pet's reaction to euthanasia at the end will be.

If it were me, I would definitely give my kids a chance to say goodbye beforehand, though.

I'm so glad that you've taken the time to discuss things with your little ones, Pukkamum. One of the reasons why I was so traumatised when my little childhood friend died was that everyone kept silent about it afterwards. They did this in a misguided attempt to protect me from the sad truth, but I am absolutely certain that I would have coped far better if they had been more honest with me and encouraged me to talk about it if I felt the need.

This is such a terribly sad time for you all. My heart goes out to you.

quietheart

My boys are 12 and 10 and I wouldn't consider it for them.
I'm still traumatised by having my greyhound pts 9 years ago, she wouldn't go peacefully and had to be injected into the heart. it went on for ages and was just awful.
You know your own children though so go with your gut instinct.
So sorry you are having to do it, it's a horrible thing to have to do :-(

Fairy_dust

Really sorry to hear about your cat, it would be so much easier if they just fell asleep and never woke up so we didn't have to make such a difficult decision. As an ex Veterinary Nurse, going to peoples' homes or them coming to the practice for their pet to be put to sleep was a daily occurrence. Some people had their children present but none were as young as your daughter, I think about 11-12 years old would be about the youngest. Although you know your children and what you think they can handle. I did often wonder how the children felt afterwards as some of them grew up with these pets and wouldn't remember a time without them, also this would likely be their first experience of death.

One thing I will say though is sometimes euthanasia doesn't always go to plan. If their circulation is poor it can take a while for the injection to work, other times they can be gone before the injection is finished. I've even seen on occasion an animal look like they are "gasping" but it's just the air in their lungs coming out after they have passed, this can be quite traumatic for the owner but imagine how a child would feel if they saw this? I don't mean to sound so matter-of-fact about this but I just want you to be aware of what can happen .

Sending you ((hugs))

Xx

Goldiegirl

I had a much loved cat when I was a child.

It was a stray that I invited into the house when I was about five, and he never left.

I was a bit older than Pukkamum's children when the cat became ill.

I was about 15 at the time.

The poor old cat was very ill, and we (my parents and I) all agreed that it was time, and he should be put to sleep.

The night before it was due to happen, I sat with the cat until the early hours of the morning, just to say goodbye.

It was agreed that my dad would take the cat to the vets. It never even crossed my mind to ask to go - I felt as if I'd said my goodbyes.

Anyway, as it turned out, I went to school the next day. When I came home, my mum was in floods of tears, and told me the cat had died during the day at home.

It was a relief that he'd gone, and at home. However, to this day I don't think it'd have done me any good to have gone to witness the event. I had said my goodbyes, and that was enough.

I think honesty is the best policy in these situations, but if the children probably don't need to see the actual event.

Incidently, we waited for my dad to come home so he could bury poor old Holly, so I did see the body. It wasn't traumatic, but I was old enough to cope, perhaps if I was younger it would have been more difficult.

We buried him in a corner of the garden.

30 years later, after my parents died and I had to clear the house, one of the last things I did was to go to Holly's corner, just for a quiet goodbye

catkins

lostinrates wrote: »

Jojo, part of one of my small roles is to be there for some of my clients when they cannot 'handle it'.

I personally would always choose to be there, both for the animal and me, but I consider it FAR! FAR, better for the animal to have someone's calm, and attending to THEIR comfort than someone unable to hold themselves together but forcing themselves through it out of a sense of duty.

The animals I have not been with, one in particular, haunt me, but the animals I have been their for on behalf of clients have been content in my care, and I am confident would have been better in the care if a vet and vet nurse over an owner who the pet was concerned about even in their ill health.

We have all seen the same with kids who relax when their parents go too...not because their parents are not loving I'm sure.

Some of us are like you and I and able to push down are own emotional needs in the immeasiacy others are not,, I don't think that's a better or worse situation necessarily, unless we fail to recognise that and not draw upon our strengths and recognise our own weaknesses.

This is a lovely post. I have been with most of my pets when they were pts but really struggled hard to keep my emotions in check. I am a very emotional person and cry really easily. I wish I didn't but as hard as I try if I get upset I cry.

I am sure a couple of times me getting so upset did not help my pet passing although my OH was always there and he managed to stay calm.

When my dog had to be pts last year it came as a complete shock. He went in to have an x ray and we got a phone call saying he had such large tumours in his lungs there was nothing that could be done so the kindest thing would be to pts. We drove back to the vet with me in floods of tears. OH when in and got our boy and walked him out to me. I tried to stay calm and I hugged and stroked him and told him I loved him and that one day we would be together again. I then started sobbing uncontrollably and OH said he thought it best if I did not go in for the end. I sat in the car crying non stop. OH held it together until he got outside the surgery and then he too sobbed. He actually cried more for our boy than he did when his dad died.

Air_Cooled_75

Sorry for all your losses x losing a much loved pet is devastating.

We had 2 rescue cats, one from around 18 months old, the other from 7 weeks. Funnily enough the gap we lost them was the same gap we got them.

Our LO came to the vets with the first (she was 18 and suddenly got very ill) but DH went into the waiting room with him (he was 1 yr old). They wrapped her in a blanket (I think to hide any mess). She did go quickly BUT she had the most beautiful aqua-marine coloured eyes and all I can remember is the pupil growing larger and larger and wiping them out completely.

Our Tomcat who we lost last year...again, quite a rapid decline, just me took him to be pts.

I was 16 when the dog we'd had since I was 4 was taken away to be pts and I was gutted I wasn't there. Same with the cat we'd had (not for ages, acquired from a neighbour as he'd just decided he wanted to live with is instead).

You know your kids, talk to them and get their opinion. Lots of cuddles all round though.

Blimey, I'm crying here thinking about it all and I've been through 'worse' this year x

Scrapaholic

Two of our cats have been Pts , one not so long ago . We were told it may not have been peaceful for the cats but both times it was . I honestly was traumatised by seeing my lovely cats die but had to be there for them. I know bad things happen and children have to learn but there's plenty of time for that . I'd rather my children at your children's age didn't see their pets die . Ds came with me to the vets last time , it wasn't a happy 34 th birthday for him and then he had to dig a hole too . I wouldn't have had him there if Dh hadn't been at work and that was the first time he'd seen a pet pts . Sad times this coming week , pukka mum , thinking of you .

purple.sarah

Artytarty wrote: »

Exactly what I was going to say, it's not standard procedure but it does not mean the vet was wrong either! veins collapse.

I can see how it could have been necessary if the veins had collapsed but I don't see why they couldn't anesthetise the cat using gas first so she wouldn't have struggled or felt the heart stick.