pet euthanasia should a child be there?

catkins

It's a difficult decision. I don't have children but if I did I wouldn't want them there but that is purely because each time I have had to have a pet pts I have been distraught and wouldn't want my children to see that.

Last year when our dog had to be pts I said goodbye and OH stayed with him till the end as OH said it upset him to see me so upset and also wasn't good for the animal. OH was calmer than I would have been but he still cried

zaksmum

I wouldn't have taken a child.

As an adult I was absolutely gutted when my old dog was PTS and wouldn't want a child to see my distress or feel a similar way themselves.

lostinrates

catkins wrote: »

It's a difficult decision. I don't have children but if I did I wouldn't want them there but that is purely because each time I have had to have a pet pts I have been distraught and wouldn't want my children to see that.

Last year when our dog had to be pts I said goodbye and OH stayed with him till the end as OH said it upset him to see me so upset and also wasn't good for the animal. OH was calmer than I would have been but he still cried

I don't cry till they are gone, but its very difficult. I think worrying about young people would make it harder for me to be who I need to be for the animal, and I think maybe make it harder for the children to understand. I do 'go' quite a bit as soon as they are gone, and not being able to do that to protect children would be hard for me, and il think children do need to understand grief, and they will too experience the rawness of it, but i think seeing the harshness of it is very dependent on the type of person you are, the type of relationship you have with your animals.

I don't think there is a universal right answer having thought about it more. But I do think dunromin hits the nail on the head with her point of what is best for Rosie. If she has reached the stage where she needs to be pts, then timing it won't be great.

Personally, with the day off school, I think it depends again. Personally I would be disinclined to, and I would be the same for humans. I am very much of the life goes on school of thought, but if I were caring for someone who was obviously not coping then obviously, I would say they were not yet ready for life to go on just yet.

Alikay

I think the decision to put a pet to sleep is an adult one, and I wouldn't want my children there at the time. Some jobs require adult reasoning, understanding, emotions and responsibility, and IMO this is one of them. They are still children.

Person_one

I think some people are underestimating a seven year old's emotional capacity.

pukkamum

I've still not managed to come to a decision, dh and I talked about it last night and he thinks we should tell ds 12 whats going on and if he wants to be there he can.
With regards to dd 7 we think that even knowing it's going to happen may be too much to deal with.
We had a chat with them last night about how old rosie is and what a good life she's had but we didn't think she would be with us for much longer, lyla was very upset straight away, I calmed her down and explained that we don't want rosie to be in pain so when her time comes yes it will be very sad but we should celebrate how lucky we have been to have had her in our lives for such a long time.
We talked about what we thought might happen once we died and we all loved the idea of reincarnation so we chatted about what we thought rosie might be reincarnated as, lyla came up with a tiger as she was always a wonderful hunter.
So we decided that when we felt sad we would imagine rosie as a tiger stakking her prey.
I told them dad and i will be very upset but thats natural and fine.
So after a few tears and cuddles what did lyla say?
It's okay mum we'll get another black kitten and call her rosie and it will be like her starting over again.

FBaby

As it's been said already, it totally depends on your family values. I personally strongly believe in being totally open to children because what is scariest for them is what is hidden (ie. what they can't control). If it was my children, I would definitely tell them and ask them if they wanted to come. I'm sure my daughter would say yes, I think it would be harder for my boy, but at least it would be his decision and I would be there to support him whichever he decided to do.

We had a frightening experience when one of our cat became very ill...on my DD birthday. I had 6 children over the house. I had to call my ex mother in law to take the cat urgently to the vet at 9pm. She came back to say that the vet had said the cat should be put to sleep. I couldn't believe it was happening on that day. I decided to go on my own (she stayed with the children who were oblivious to what was happening), but seeing my face and reaction, the vet changed his tune and said that he could perform an operation, but it would be very expensive without assurance of success. I would have paid anything. All this happened with my children having no idea. Incredibly, the operation was successful, and the cat recovered brilliantly, and in the end, the vet only charged me for half the costs. I only told my kids the whole story months later.

Armchair23

You should be honest with your children and let them know what is going to happen. That doesn't mean to say you have to let them be there or go into full details of what occurs. But if nothing else you should ask them what they would prefer.

Kids have a way of sensing when they are being fed a story, and to lie with even the best of intentions is risky.

Frankly being told an animal (or grandparent come to that) has 'died in their sleep' is way more likely to be traumatic than the truth. If ever there was a nightmare inducing phrase that's got to be it.

Learning to cope with your emotions and discovering that life does go on even with tears is a really important lesson, and not one you learn at a certain age but something that happens throughout your childhood and adulthood.

You sound very caring and thoughtful so I'm sure you'll do what's best for you all as a family.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

I think some people are underestimating a seven year old's emotional capacity.

My nieces were very aware of death, and seemed 'comfortable' conceptually with the idea when very young on the death of a relative and a discussiona about what it meant 'yes, aunt, dead.....like a pheasant' (big road kill area). Being aware of death, seeing dead things, is very different I think to watching someone you love dining and, crucially, putting their needs at that time first, holding your own emotion back.

I know first hand some children are capable of it. But I am not certain its always best for them to have to be.

tiggerjj

When i was 12 and my brother was 10 our dog had to be PTS. We knew about it, mum was too upset to go to the vets and my brother didnt want to go. So Dad and I went (i wanted to go), she lay (huuuge standard poodle) in my lap and the vet gave her the injection. She was always a stubborn old dog, even needing two injections!
Im glad i was there, it was right for me, and my brother was happy to be at home.
Only you know your children, but in my experience don't stop them if they want to go to the vets.

We buried her ashes under a tree in the garden and i was never traumatized, glad i could comfort my dog in her last moments, so she was with people who she felt comfortable with.