pet euthanasia should a child be there?

pukkamum

We are having our very dear old car rosie put to sleep next week and I'm not sure how to deal with it re the eldest 2 children.
Should I tell them we are doing it or just let them come home and say she went in her sleep?
My thinking is they should have the chance to say goodbye but dh thinks otherwise.
Should I ask them if they want to be there if we tell them and if so should I let them?
My thoughts on this are that it would be good for them to see that not all death is traumatic and scary.
The kids are girl of 7 boy of 12.
Honest thoughts please I won't be offended.

balletshoes

my honest thoughts are it will depend how you think you will cope. Will you be very visibly upset? And will that upset your kids? My DD is 12, and I'd only consider letting her come to the vet now with me at her age in your situation, and only once I'd told her in advance what was about to happen, and only if she was very sure she wanted to be there, knowing also that I'd be very upset, and probably crying a lot.

jfdi

All I can say is my son came with me for one of our cats when he was about the age of your lad - I don't think I'd've taken him at 7 tho.

Do they want to be there?

My boy did, and he was very calm, obviously sad, and carried Tigger back to the car & helped bury him. The cat was older than him & was his constant childhood companion - & it FELT right.

Best wishes whatever you decide.

A
xx

Artytarty

It's not always pretty even at the vets. Animals may vocalise a moan or loose bladder control. It's distressing and I really don't think they need to see it.
Sorry for you and rosie. I agree, with poster above, you will be upset yourself..

sooty&sweep

Hi
This is a very personal thing and depends alot upon the child & their relationship with the pet.
My two are 8 & 12. I would probably tell them & let them say their goodbyes but I'd probably not take them to the vet unless they particularly wanted to.

Jen

Crystallady

Having had my old boy pts yesterday and knowing how I feel today I wouldn't take a child to the vets for the actual process.
I think it is good for them to know what's going to happen but to say goodbye at home before.

Laurajo_2

I don't think they necessarily need to be there at the actually putting to sleep, but personally I think you should let them know what is about to happen and explain why it is the kindest thing to do.

Either way, I am sure they will be devastated, but saying she died in her sleep may lead to a lot of questions and confusion and not give them so much opportunity to explore their feelings around it.

(((Hugs)))) it's always devastating to lose a much loved family pet, but I do think letting them know what's happening beforehand will help give them a sense of closure.

Take the lead from them if they want to be there...particularly with the older one. It is perfectly natural for them to be upset and heartbroken - it sounds like your cat has been part of their family for as long as they can remember.

tobyjug

When we had our dog put to sleep after about 4 months illness , we knew we were going to be really upset , my sons were 10 and 12. We chose to have the vet come to the house, our dog died in his bed and when the boys came home from school we all had a goodbye together .

Looking back it went ok, better than I expected , they were sad but understood what had happened and we had time to compose ourselves ( a bit) before they came home.

We then took him back to the vets to be cremated.

Tiddlywinks

I would never choose to take a pet to the vet for euthanasia - I have always called the vet for a home visit.

it's much less distressing for the animal and has always felt 'right' - is this an option for you?

*max*

I think I would explain everything and let them say goodbye at home, but I wouldn't have them there for the actual "process". You can "understand" death without having to "see" it happening, if you see what I mean. I'm sorry for your loss. x

pukkamum

Thanks I am hoping to have it done at home, going to the vets would be very distressing for her.
I know I will be upset but I don't think that's a bad thing for them to see I have been through this a few times so I know I can hold it together.
It just seems so cruel for her to go without them saying goodbye she has been here their whole lives, she used to keep guard at ds bedroom door when she was a baby!