Bridesmaid question

Ms_Chocaholic

I'd also be concerned if you are expected to buy your dress now and their relationship goes awry and the marriage is off. Being unemployed, they obviously will have a lot of stress and this may impact on their relationship one way or another.

RobotsinDisguse

I agree with everyone else but will add that I got my wedding dress handmade online in the UK for less than the "standard" bridesmaid dress.... So do check she's explored every possibility.

Also, and this is very suspicious of me, but as you said you're surprised to be asked over and above family, and closer friends.... Make sure she's not seeing you as a "wealthy" "naieve" soft touch. Which you obviously aren't as you are savvy and asking for advice!

Person_one

Dimey wrote: »

If I were you I'd phone the bride to explain that you can't afford to buy your own bridesmaid dress but can do the shoes. That way you limit the financial risk to a pair of shoes. Maybe some nice strappy sandals you can wear again.

Why should she do that? That just plays into the idea that its ok to make your bridesmaids pay for bits of your wedding.

Worriedbridesmaid

RobotsinDisguse wrote: »

I agree with everyone else but will add that I got my wedding dress handmade online in the UK for less than the "standard" bridesmaid dress.... So do check she's explored every possibility.

Also, and this is very suspicious of me, but as you said you're surprised to be asked over and above family, and closer friends.... Make sure she's not seeing you as a "wealthy" "naieve" soft touch. Which you obviously aren't as you are savvy and asking for advice!

I do find it very odd indeed. I shan't be taken for a ride. I'm not adverse to doing my bit but I simply cannot afford a large outlay after Christmas, especially with the copius travel it entails.

I was originally told they were being made as a present from an aunt, so I'm not sure whether the same applies now. This is why I didn't bring it up when I was originally asked.

The couple are actually younger than me, both aged 20 at the moment!

Dimey

Person_one wrote: »

Why should she do that? That just plays into the idea that its ok to make your bridesmaids pay for bits of your wedding.

Just thought it might be a compromise to pay for the shoes that she can re-use but not for the dress that she can't.

Mojisola

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid, I am both honoured and shocked. Shocked as I am not at all close with the person who has asked me in favour of her sister/ family.

I have been asked to go bridesmaid dress shopping in early January.

N.b. the wedding isn't until 2016, but we will be buying the dresses in January (if all goes to plan!)

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

Unfortunately we live about 300 miles from each other!

Not sure if it matters but the couple are actually unemployed - which makes me even more concerned.

I would be saying thanks but no thanks.

Who asks someone who isn't close to them to be their bridesmaid?

I'd be concerned that getting the dresses so early will mean that you're tied into the role even if things start to go wrong. A lot can change in two years - if you want to pull out and she did pay for your dress, is she going to demand that you give her the money she's paid out?

Brighton_belle

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

The couple are actually younger than me, both aged 20 at the moment!

Ok, huge alarm bells here - they are only 20 and both unemployed and are planning a wedding for 2 years ahead. Can't help but feel they are living in a fluffy fantasy land, and a childish one at that.
AND you live 300 miles away, so it will cost you every time to go for fittings/outfit hunting etc.
Also, in 2 years, with a 300 mile gap the bride is likely to have developed closer relationships with all manner of people.
Personally I would decline to be involved until at least 2015.

Worriedbridesmaid

Mojisola wrote: »

I would be saying thanks but no thanks.

Who asks someone who isn't close to them to be their bridesmaid?

I'd be concerned that getting the dresses so early will mean that you're tied into the role even if things start to go wrong. A lot can change in two years - if you want to pull out and she did pay for your dress, is she going to demand that you give her the money she's paid out?

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Ok, huge alarm bells here - they are only 20 and both unemployed and are planning a wedding for 2 years ahead. Can't help but feel they are living in a fluffy fantasy land, and a childish one at that.
AND you live 300 miles away, so it will cost you every time to go for fittings/outfit hunting etc.
Also, in 2 years, with a 300 mile gap the bride is likely to have developed closer relationships with all manner of people.
Personally I would decline to be involved until at least 2015.

I think unemployed may have been the wrong word - they are both students in Wales, but have no income. I can't help but agree.

Our partners are related (cousins), that's how we know one another but I see her once or twice a year, tops.

This is such a stress, I need to find out either way and then make n informed decision!

Brighton_belle

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

I think unemployed may have been the wrong word - they are both students in Wales, but have no income. I can't help but agree.

Our partners are related (cousins), that's how we know one another but I see her once or twice a year, tops.

This is such a stress, I need to find out either way and then make n informed decision!

ok, just unemployed did give more of a drifting fluffiness to their plans, but even so 'no income' and planning a wedding with a bridesmaid she barely knows still sounds odd and lacking feet firmly on the grounds of reality.
The link between you is extremely tenuous and to me seems she is far more interested in the 'right' window dressing that what a wedding is really all about.
Can't see this is going to be a fun or meaningful experience for you at all OP. It is easier to put yourself out for someone you are really close to, but for a virtual stranger, believe me, the whole thing will grate as the event gets closer.

Errata

Tell her you'll be washing your hair that day! I can't imagine what kind of wedding is being planned but suspect the happy couple have already lost the plot.