Bridesmaid question

Worriedbridesmaid

Good morning everyone, I hope you are having a peaceful day remembering the fallen.

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid, I am both honoured and shocked. Shocked as I am not at all close with the person who has asked me in favour of her sister/ family.

However I am pleased to be asked.

I have been asked to go bridesmaid dress shopping in early January. I am young, not long started my first full time job and I am worried about being asked to pay for the dress/ shoes etc. I appreciate that I'd have to buy an outfit anyway but hopefully it'd be something I could wear again, and not spend too much on.

My question is really, do you suppose I shall be asked to pay? Clearly early January isn't the best time for additional outlay after Christmas and it could very well be that there's no money left in my budget at all.

I have savings but I'd rather not dip into them, as I said I've just started my first full time job but christmas is unpaid leave so I shall only have half a month for Dec.

Am I worrying unnecessarily? Is there a way I can subtly find out if I will be expected to pay the full price or?

Any advice appreciated.

Best wishes,

Helen

N.b. the wedding isn't until 2016, but we will be buying the dresses in January (if all goes to plan!)

Brighton_belle

Nice early life lesson - ask directly, don't guess, assume or worry - get a clear answer about this and all your expected duties. The bride might be assuming you know that she will pay for it etc.

There is no point being embarrassed to talk about it, you'll find it a very miserable experience otherwise. And find out what else she expects you to do : will she assume you will organise the dreaded hen party and pay up front costs and then reclaim from other participants?
And re your comment "I know I'd have to pay for a new outfit anyway" - I rarely buy a new outfit for a wedding, I wear the smartest outfit I already own...often, shock horror, to more than one wedding.

Errata

You're not worrying unecessarily. Ask her outright who's paying for the dress and shoes before you so much as even look at a picture of bridesmaid's dresses!

Person_one

You shouldn't be expected to pay for your bridesmaid dress. Anything that the bride picks for you is her bill!

That said, some brides are getting a bit cheeky. I'd assume she'll be paying, and on the slim chance that she does ask you to pay, act surprised and say something along the lines of "I had no idea I was expected to pay for this, I'm afraid its out of my budget so I'll have to bow out of bridesmaid duty."

building_with_lego

(I've never been married or been a bridesmaid.)

Why would you buy dresses in January 2014 when you're not getting married until some time in 2016, i.e. at least two years later? Would that not be plenty of time for everyone to gain or lose weight, get pregnant, fall out and not want to be involved.....:huh:

Worriedbridesmaid

Thank you all.

You're right, I really should know what I'm expected to do. Unfortunately we live about 300 miles from each other! Not sure if it matters but the couple are actually unemployed - which makes me even more concerned.

I've never been to a wedding before (as an adult) so I expect I would have to buy something, only have a few smart dresses but they've been worn many times.

Does anyone know the average price of a dress?

I'm not particularly materialistic and on a saving binge, with an end goal in sight.

Worriedbridesmaid

building_with_lego wrote: »

(I've never been married or been a bridesmaid.)

Why would you buy dresses in January 2014 when you're not getting married until some time in 2016, i.e. at least two years later? Would that not be plenty of time for everyone to gain or lose weight, get pregnant, fall out and not want to be involved.....:huh:

Yes, I know. I have thought the same but I don't want to rock the boat too much!

Wicked_witch

Usually in the UK the dresses are paid for by the bride (unlike the US for example, where it is usual for the bridesmaid to be expected to pay for everything she wears). You do need to ask though as it seems like a lot of aspects of US culture are coming here! People tend to embrace the bits that save them money while ignoring the parts that might be a nuisance- for example, having baby showers but throwing them for themselves (they are supposed to be arranged and hosted by a close friend or extended family member) and trick or treating at every house regardless of whether the hall light is on or not.

So definitely best to check! You'd be quite justified in refusing if they do want you to pay.

want_to_save

i have been bridesmaid 3 times (alas never the bride lol) and the last two were once i had reached adulthood and the only thing i had to pay for were my shoes. I have friends that have been adult bridesmaids and they did not pay anything

as other posters say ask the bride - also maybe suggest (as you are one of the bridesmaids) is it really wise to buy the dresses 2 years in advance ?

Dimey

Ask the bride outright. Its better to be clear.

If you are choosing dresses 2 years prior to the wedding it sounds like you'll be getting "proper" bridesmaids dresses that will be ordered but fitted closer to the actual wedding. That's a long way ahead and styles/ choices can change but that's the brides choice.

One thing to be wary of is that these type of bridal shop can often go bust, leaving you without a dress and no return of your deposit.

Dimey

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

Does anyone know the average price of a dress?

.

You can spend hundreds on formal bridesmaids dresses which is why many people buy normal dresses that are a bit more fancy and can pass as bridesmaids dresses.

If your bridal couple are unemployed, it seems strange that she'd be buying so far in advance with all the expense risks involved in that.

Are there some alarm bells here? Could there be something going on that explains why the bride's sister is not going to be a bridesmaid?

If I were you I'd phone the bride to explain that you can't afford to buy your own bridesmaid dress but can do the shoes. That way you limit the financial risk to a pair of shoes. Maybe some nice strappy sandals you can wear again.