Bridesmaid question

indsty

I think you need to speak to her NOW. " Annie, I'm really flattered you asked me to be your bridesmaid but I don't think I can afford the expense right now, and added to that I really don't know what is going to happen in the next couple of years. If you still feel the same closer to the wedding then of course I would love to be involved." - or words to that effect. Buying a dress 2 years before is just plain silly.

busiscoming2

indsty wrote: »

I think you need to speak to her NOW. " Annie, I'm really flattered you asked me to be your bridesmaid but I don't think I can afford the expense right now, and added to that I really don't know what is going to happen in the next couple of years. If you still feel the same closer to the wedding then of course I would love to be involved." - or words to that effect. Buying a dress 2 years before is just plain silly.

Totally agree with this.

Buying a dress so far in advance is just madness IMO, especially considering their ages. They may be in a completely different scenario in 2016; living or working abroad, separated or any other number of things.

pollypenny

Planning a wedding for two years! They need to get a life! :cool:

Bella73

I would just ask straight out, to be honest she should have told you when she asked you.

When I asked each of my bridesmaids in that same conversation I said I would be choosing the dresses and accessories and paying for them. My best friend late chose to wear some lovely shoes she already had but I bought the children theirs.

There is nothing wrong with asking and as for price ours were about £80 for the little girls dresses each and £160 for my adult one but we had formal dresses and that was for a 2009 wedding so guessing they might be dearer now. That doesn't include the alterations which were charged separately so you might want to figure that in the cost as well.

I felt it rude to ask people and expect them to pay but then I know a few bridesmaids who have been asked to pay and it's not cheap.

We ordered ours in the November I think it was for a edding the following May and only ordered then as they had a sale. Was recommended by the bridal shop to order formal ones by the January for a May wedding to allow for them being made and allowing plenty of time for fittings etc.

I was asked by someone I'm not that close to and just thank very flattered but no thank you, they were fine.

Errata

Here's how it goes: "Hello [STRIKE]Bridezilla[/STRIKE] Flossie, when you asked me to be a bridesmaid I can't remember who you said would be paying for the dress and shoes - can you just remind me"
Job done.

claire16c

Why on earth are they buying dresses so early if they don't have jobs yet?

And 20 planning a wedding?

I definitely wouldn't be paying, who knows if they'll even make it down the aisle!

What's the rush in buying them?

I'd just say you're concerned about the dress or style not fitting right so please can you delay it til 2015.

The bride should be paying regardless.

bagpussbear

My friend was bridesmaid last December, everything was paid for except her shoes, and she also bought herself one of those shoulder shawls (can't remember the proper name of them) as it was cold and her dress was strapless.

But what she found hard was the travelling, as it took 4 trips for choosing the dress, fittings, and it cost my friend over £100 each trip, and a mega early start each time.

But its really too early for bridesmaid dress shopping if its 2 years away. Maybe you could take a little control as the 'older female' here and advise her that it's not the done thing to shop so early, you can get out of it for a while at least. Or just be honest if you are having second thoughts about doing it.

Have more of a chat with her, and see how you feel about things after.

pinkshoes

indsty wrote: »

I think you need to speak to her NOW. " Annie, I'm really flattered you asked me to be your bridesmaid but I don't think I can afford the expense right now, and added to that I really don't know what is going to happen in the next couple of years. If you still feel the same closer to the wedding then of course I would love to be involved." - or words to that effect. Buying a dress 2 years before is just plain silly.

Either this ^

Or send a nice email asking why aunty isn't making the dresses any more, and could she let you know her budget that she'll he willing to stretch to for the dress so you can do some research online in advance.

Savvy_Sue

building_with_lego wrote: »

Why would you buy dresses in January 2014 when you're not getting married until some time in 2016, i.e. at least two years later? Would that not be plenty of time for everyone to gain or lose weight, get pregnant, fall out and not want to be involved.....:huh:

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Personally I would decline to be involved until at least 2015.

theoretica wrote: »

I think tell her that you are honoured to be asked to be her bridesmaid, but not even for her wedding can you commit to not put weight on/off in over two years. If you want to go window shopping for dresses tell her you are happy to do that only.

These three, and similar.

I've known people get their bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, but only on the basis of "choose something you like in this colour", thus allowing people to buy something they might possibly wear again.

NinjaSavingKat

I don't understand why some brides don't put the wedding party out of thir misery and just say "I am paying for your dress" or "Can you find your own shoes"etc instead of assuming that because it's their special day the money shouldn't matter - unfortunately it does and is causing you no end of stress clearly. I would personally decline the offer and tell her you are still looking forward to spending her special day with her... and when she doesn't invite you you can breath a sigh of relief that you dodged a bridezilla...