Bridesmaid question

Wilma33

Buying dresses now is mad. Have you been picked over her sister or best friend because you are prettier and will look good in the photos? Some brides really are mad! Just say no and don't get involved. The hen do will probably cost you the earth!

Jobseeeker

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

Our partners are related (cousins), that's how we know one another but I see her once or twice a year, tops.

!

It's an odd situation, perhaps she doesn't have many friends though?

About the dress, the bride always pays for the bridesmaids dresses. Shoes/bags/jewellry you would normally organise yourself unless the bride wants to buy a matching set for the bridesmaids.

mountainofdebt

Jobseeeker wrote: »

It's an odd situation, perhaps she doesn't have many friends though?

About the dress, the bride always pays for the bridesmaids dresses. Shoes/bags/jewellry you would normally organise yourself unless the bride wants to buy a matching set for the bridesmaids.

Whilst I agree that it is an odd situation (and I agree buying a dress 2 years before the wedding is a mad idea) I think rules about who buys what have got slightly blurred over the years.

When I got married 23 years ago, my parents paid for the bridesmaid dresses but that meant that I (by default,lol) got to choose style and colour.

Nowadays if a bridesmaid pays the dress then I think it is manners for her to have some (if not all,lol) say in style and colour and gets to keep the dress - whereas before I (or my parents!) kept the dresses.

Hermia

Wilma33 wrote: »

Buying dresses now is mad. Have you been picked over her sister or best friend because you are prettier and will look good in the photos?

That is the exact thing I thought! I have seen that happen before. I think brides are influenced by these celeb weddings where all the bridesmaids are supermodels!

OP - I would be worried about the bride suddenly becoming close to her sister or getting a new best friend before the wedding. I think being involved in weddings is stressful enough when you are close to the person. There is no way I'd want to be bridesmaid for someone I don't really know who has no money and won't be getting married for two years!

coolcait

There are so many things to learn in life.

When I was at your stage in life, this one didn't even exist, but it is no less true because of that:

If it is important enough to put the question to strangers on the internet, it is too important NOT to ask the other person/people in your story.

So, ask the bride-to-be what is expected of you - in terms of expenses and anything else.







P.S. A similar philosophy holds true for any poster who thinks she may be pregnant. Take a pregnancy test.

andygb

Errata wrote: »

Tell her you'll be washing your hair that day! I can't imagine what kind of wedding is being planned but suspect the happy couple have already lost the plot.

My thoughts exactly, whoever picks a "random" person for their bridesmaid, at a wedding which is going to take place more than two years from now, based on the fact that the couple have no source of income?

Pollycat

I agree with everyone who says it's strange that she's asked you over family/close friends.

It just doesn't make sense, and I think if I had been asked in similar circumstances, my first question would have been 'Why me?'

I don't know if this has been asked before but how long have these 2 been together?

At age 20 and still studying, I think there's a fair chance that they may not even be together in 2+ years time.

And how long have you been with your partner?
I don't want to sound gloomy but you two may not even be together in 2+ years time - and that tenuous link with the bride-to-be has gone.

I would not under any circumstances be paying out travel costs for an event that may not even go ahead for somebody I barely know.

You sound a sensible young lady, don't be drawn into something you don't feel comfortable about.

hazyjo

Is it a return offer? Has she ever been bridesmaid to a close family member and they feel they need to reciprocate?

I would hate to ask, but agree with the others - you need to.

Unless you can find another way round it - are you in a position to say you might even be pregnant by then (or two stone heavier ) so don't want her forking out on a dress you might not be able to wear? If you can word something like you are presuming she's paying for the dress, it might give her the chance to say yeah you're right, let's wait until nearer the time...

Jx

New_Bride

I agree with what others have said, it's far too early to buy bridesmaid dresses. I got married in Sept 2013 and we bought the bridesmaids dresses in November 2012, and looking back now I realise it was probably a tad early too.

In the UK bridesmaids don't usually pay for dresses, the only thing my bridesmaids had to buy was shoes and one of them already had a suitable pair so she didn't even have to buy anything.

One of my bridesmaids had no idea if she was supposed to pay for the dress and she simply asked me - if wasn't an embarrassing encounter, she was just upfront about the fact that she didn't want to assume I was paying and that she couldn't afford to spend loads on a dress. If I was doing it all over again I would've just said straight up that I was going to cover the cost, I just assumed it was common knowledge that the bride paid for these things.

Keep us posted OP, but don't stress over it. I'm sure other people have told the bride to be that she's jumping the gun a bit.

RachRubyD

I was a bridesmaid in August just gone and never want to be one again. I love weddings as well. The bride is my distant cousin but we where close during childhood. To be honest I think she picked me becuase i've been the nicest out of the family (no one is horrible but I suppose am the most down to earth) and she had no one else. She had fallen out with all her friends and fiances sisters (alarm bells going off bridezilla much).

I didn't pay for my bridesmaid dress because she wanted it made and it cost £160 (she didn't pay it either but an auntie). I hate the dress it was strapless and uncomfortable and hurt all day (other bridesmaid complained as well) and it looked like something you get for half the price in a high street store like Debenhams.

If I ever get married (been dating almost 6 years but only in early 20's and only just really getting life on track for future, but still i'd love to get married for all the wrong reasons like a beautiful dress so clearly am not mature enough yet) I would probably pay for the bridesmaid dresses, depending on how many I have but it would have to be in the sale from Monsoon or something or I'd say if you wanna go bit higher end and get them custom then would you mind putting some money towards it. I'd just want them to look beautiful and feel comfortable as I totally didn't as a bridesmaid and it ruined the day. Plus the bride chose our hair do and everything (bit weird) and made us wear jewellery she bought (i'd just forked out for a beautiful necklace as well to wear with my dress, but wasn't told she was buying a necklace.)

I was a bit like OP as the bride and groom are from my hometown but living away for university so it was kinda down to me to organise all my own bridesmaid stuff. Didn't make it easy when the dressmaker shop was 2 bus rides away in a part of town I don't have a clue about. Plus I didn't know other bridesmaid or ever be introduced before the wedding day to liason with her. Telling you it was a diaster. I dunno I just feel that it should be a special time with someone your close with and enjoy getting the dress together or fittings. I feel like am bad mouthing the bride but it wasn't a very nice wedding. It was over the top and paid for by everyone else but because it was so expensive they couldn't invite certain people. Alot of the people left out with left out for spite as well and all there brothers and sisters invited and they had done nothing wrong.