Bridesmaid question

Worriedbridesmaid

Brighton_belle wrote: »

ok, just unemployed did give more of a drifting fluffiness to their plans, but even so 'no income' and planning a wedding with a bridesmaid she barely knows still sounds odd and lacking feet firmly on the grounds of reality.
The link between you is extremely tenuous and to me seems she is far more interested in the 'right' window dressing that what a wedding is really all about.
Can't see this is going to be a fun or meaningful experience for you at all OP. It is easier to put yourself out for someone you are really close to, but for a virtual stranger, believe me, the whole thing will grate as the event gets closer.

That's my fear too. I'm also worried that if I one day get married I will expected to reciprocate, I'd like my two close cousins and lifelong best friend.

Mojisola

Given the physical distance between you and that fact that you're not best buddies, it should be quite easy to refuse.

hardpressed

I certainly wouldn't be prepared to commit to something 2 years ahead, if I wasn't closely related or a very good friend of the bride. Perhaps her sister has turned down this harebrained scheme and that's why she's asked you.

If they have no income how is she proposing to pay for the dress?

Brighton_belle

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

That's my fear too. I'm also worried that if I one day get married I will expected to reciprocate, I'd like my two close cousins and lifelong best friend.

You see, you are already being sucked into wedding hype madness! Don't go there OP! Being her bridesmaid doesn't even mean you have to invite her to your wedding if you chose to have a small and intimate do with those you are actually close to.

Mojisola wrote: »

Given the physical distance between you and that fact that you're not best buddies, it should be quite easy to refuse.

It's probably now a little harder than that as the Op has already accepted, so she faces having to go back on what she said yes to.
I don't mean it is not possible, I just think the op will find that hard. I do think it would be best to completely pull out though.

OP, I think you are in the position at the very least to say you are not in a position to go dress shopping until 6 months before the wedding: be firm on that one. If she strops - then there is your answer, you pull out completely without a qualm.
It is absolutely absurd to go bridesmaid dress shopping 2 years before a 'possible' wedding date.

theoretica

I think tell her that you are honoured to be asked to be her bridesmaid, but not even for her wedding can you commit to not put weight on/off in over two years. If you want to go window shopping for dresses tell her you are happy to do that only.

supersaver2

Just wondering as being a bloke and me and my better half had our wedding at Gretna with no family or bridesmaids so no experience. What do bridesmaids do with their dress, shoes other bits after the wedding if the bride/groom has paid for everything? Do you you have to give the stuff back? Totally off topic but just wondered!

Worriedbridesmaid

Brighton_belle wrote: »

You see, you are already being sucked into wedding hype madness! Don't go there OP! Being her bridesmaid doesn't even mean you have to invite her to your wedding if you chose to have a small and intimate do with those you are actually close to.

It's probably now a little harder than that as the Op has already accepted, so she faces having to go back on what she said yes to.
I don't mean it is not possible, I just think the op will find that hard. I do think it would be best to completely pull out though.

OP, I think you are in the position at the very least to say you are not in a position to go dress shopping until 6 months before the wedding: be firm on that one. If she strops - then there is your answer, you pull out completely without a qualm.
It is absolutely absurd to go bridesmaid dress shopping 2 years before a 'possible' wedding date.

Ahh you're right, I am! I am one of those people who would find it hard to do anything even slightly controversial. But I think I could put my foot down on choosing my own bridesmaids.

I accepted on premise of the happy couple paying (or it being made as a present), it wasn't until I'd done a little research I realised not all brides pay.. Silly of me but I've always seen weddings as something that should be paid for by the couple.

We have out our foot down on a fancy hotel (not the venue) they wanted us to stay at (as its about 2 hours from the place we are all originally from). It was £160 a night! :eek:

Laurajo_2

I think everyone's jumping the gun a bit here...

She's doesn't even know if she's expected to pay for the dress. Even if they are currently students, family members may be financing the wedding or they may be having a budget wedding....I know a few couples that have started planning a wedding whilst at uni.

I agree, two years is a long time to buy a dress in advance though. Body shapes, style and colours will all change over this time. What happens if you plan to start a family between then and now, for example? (I speak as someone who's maid of honour was eight months pregnant at the wedding - fortunately, we hadn't bought the bridesmaid dress before she found out, and managed to find a lovely maternity one a month before the wedding for £30)

Some people ask for the bridesmaid dresses back and resell them afterwards, others let them keep them. We got ours back and, along with the wedding dress, blokes cravats (spelling?) and waistcoats I've made a lovely patchwork quilt.

Just ask her. It is fairly common on wedding forums for this issue to be bought up, and whilst I personally don't think it's right for the bridesmaid to pay for her own dress, it is becoming more and more acceptable, particularly if the style is such that you can wear it again.

balletshoes

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

Yes, I know. I have thought the same but I don't want to rock the boat too much!

you really do need to ask these questions of the bride OP - its not presumptious to ask, and its better than everyone concerned assuming stuff about who's paying, why you're looking so early etc.

balletshoes

Worriedbridesmaid wrote: »

That's my fear too. I'm also worried that if I one day get married I will expected to reciprocate, I'd like my two close cousins and lifelong best friend.

have no fear there - as the bride you choose who you want as you bridesmaids, you being bridesmaid to her does not obligate you when its your turn .