A simple and probably unnecessary moan about family.

Bella73

Tropez wrote: »

Well this is the question isn't it?

If I was a cynical sort I might be inclined to suggest that the reason they leave it until two weeks beforehand is to ensure that all hotel rooms are booked up in the area and so the only option would be to stay at my place because mum's house quite simply is not big enough. It could be argued this is a very MSE way of doing things!

If they didn't leave it until the "last minute" (as it were) I'm sure they wouldn't have to stay here but it comes down to this choice of either they stay here, see mum, she's happy or they don't come here and I look like a right old humbug because I'm the one blocking the way.

For another year as obviously you are away this year, could you offer to drive your Mum to their house for Chistmas, she could stay with them and you could drive home and have a lovely Christmas with your now wife (as thinking next year).

I have experience of the wedding scenario rubbish as we couldn't afford to invite my cousins and families to our wedding. Their argument was I was invited to my cousins wedding and yes I cannot deny I was. I wasn't able to go but that is irrelevant, the important bit I was as being one single person was invited. Move on a few years and I met my wonderful now hubby..cousins have all had children, so to invite them all including their partners and children it would have been 18 extra people, we couldn't afford it so just invited me Aunt and Uncle. They didn't come and not one of that side of the family have been in contact since. That was nearly five years ago now.

paddy's_mum

Oh, this one's easy.

Just print off the abusive emails, fold up the sheet of paper and pop it into a Christmas card that you then send to these obnoxious relatives. Even they couldn't fail to get the message, surely?

I've long thought that it ought to be possible to divorce relatives!

Tamsin_Temrin

Youre a better person than me!

Congrats and have a good marriage

duchy

Oh dear ...is some of this "nose out of joint" behaviour because you're taking Mum with you so they are excluded from her Christmas I wonder (although I do find it a bit incredible your Mum hasn't mentioned to any of them that you're getting married and she's off on a fabulous holiday)

Is the wedding New Year's Eve by any chance ? We're planning a Vegas wedding -I hadn't even considered a late night ceremony - sounds fun ! Is it at one of the chapels.

Is your Mum aware they are upset ? Or do they only tell you ....Have they said anything to your Mum at all ? I assume this has been planned for a while -did she not want to tell them she'd be away for Christmas?

Tropez

Tiglath wrote: »

I hear you on the 'adopted' front - I've had a mild version of that all my life, and I've put my foot down and told them I won't be seeing any of them over Christmas. Your lot sound hideous - please tell me they don't have access to any keys to your place?

No, they don't have keys to my house or access to them.

My lot are a bunch of self-entitled numpties. Half their problems with me stem from the fact that they feel they're getting jipped on their inheritance because I'm not blood so I shouldn't be getting anything. The thing is I don't know what, if anything, is being left to me and I don't care. I've made my own way in life; all I want is for my mum to be happy, I have no interest in her worldly goods when the dark day come and she passes. I don't really understand why they don't see it that way either?

Torndao01 wrote: »

You will have a fab wedding in the US, I've visited San Diego a few times and live in Las Vegas. Just be sure to make sure you bring warm clothes (you mentioned beaches) as its cold in San Diego at that time of the year, also in Vegas.

Yeah, we'll be taking colder weather clothes. I read up and average temps in San Diego at that time of year is 13-16C which isn't too bad - a lot better than it will be in the UK - although there is a higher chance of rain during December. Still, here's hoping!

Bella73 wrote: »

For another year as obviously you are away this year, could you offer to drive your Mum to their house for Chistmas, she could stay with them and you could drive home and have a lovely Christmas with your now wife (as thinking next year).

I have experience of the wedding scenario rubbish as we couldn't afford to invite my cousins and families to our wedding. Their argument was I was invited to my cousins wedding and yes I cannot deny I was. I wasn't able to go but that is irrelevant, the important bit I was as being one single person was invited. Move on a few years and I met my wonderful now hubby..cousins have all had children, so to invite them all including their partners and children it would have been 18 extra people, we couldn't afford it so just invited me Aunt and Uncle. They didn't come and not one of that side of the family have been in contact since. That was nearly five years ago now.

I'd be happy to drive her to one of their houses if they ever suggested that but I think my mum prefers her house at Christmas although she's never actually said as such. It was a while back now before I moved out but we went to her sister's place (we all get on with her sister) and although she had a nice time she did seem happy to be back home.

And I totally get you on the wedding. This wedding is costing me a lot but I'm only getting married once (if I manage to screw this up then I'm going to stay away from all women!) and it's going to make my fiancee happy - I mean a few months ago she still believed she never wanted to get married and well there's been quite a change there - but I can't afford and don't have enough favours to call in to bring my entire base of friends, acquaintances and family!

I think it's quite silly to fall out over a wedding. It's supposed to be the bride and groom's special day after all! Sorry to hear your bad experiences with family members over it too.

Tropez

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Oh, this one's easy.

Just print off the abusive emails, fold up the sheet of paper and pop it into a Christmas card that you then send to these obnoxious relatives. Even they couldn't fail to get the message, surely?

I've long thought that it ought to be possible to divorce relatives!

Ah divorcing relatives, if only!

I would send them a card with that in but then I would have to actually go out and buy cards and that would take more effort than I think they're worth!

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

Youre a better person than me!

Congrats and have a good marriage

Aww, thank you

duchy wrote: »

Oh dear ...is some of this "nose out of joint" behaviour because you're taking Mum with you so they are excluded from her Christmas I wonder (although I do find it a bit incredible your Mum hasn't mentioned to any of them that you're getting married and she's off on a fabulous holiday)

Is the wedding New Year's Eve by any chance ? We're planning a Vegas wedding -I hadn't even considered a late night ceremony - sounds fun ! Is it at one of the chapels.

Is your Mum aware they are upset ? Or do they only tell you ....Have they said anything to your Mum at all ? I assume this has been planned for a while -did she not want to tell them she'd be away for Christmas?

They do appear to be quite perturbed that they won't be able to see my mum over Christmas.

My mum hadn't told them. I don't know the exact reasons for it but she rarely calls up people on the phone except for a select few such as her sister and her best friend. I do know that a couple of the family members in question when she's called them in the past have claimed it's a bad time because of work, kids or whatever which may well be the case but as a result my mum always felt she was intruding so decided to leave it up to them - and as a result, she doesn't speak to them except for Christmas time when they make some sort of effort to come here.

My mum's only known about all these arrangements since last month when I had everything finalised regarding flights, accomodation, money etc.

And yeah, we're getting married at one of the chapels - won't say which one (got to have some secrets!) - but the wedding is within the hour before midnight so although it'll be the Pacific time zone, we'll basically be leaving 2013 as partners and entering 2014 as husband and wife.

Tiglath

Tropez wrote: »

Half their problems with me stem from the fact that they feel they're getting jipped on their inheritance because I'm not blood so I shouldn't be getting anything.

Yeah I hear you - I know my adoptive Mum has written her will so it all goes to her biological daughter and grandchildren by her, so I don't have that issue. I think my card was marked when I announced I wouldn't be having children, and she made it clear she wasn't interested in my stepchildren although they're no more or less related by blood than any bio-kids of mine would've been I redeemed myself briefly by buying Mum a car last year, but the scales are still weighing against me. It's a hard thing to realise that your value to the woman who raised you is in how useful you are to her, but there you go Once she's gone I won't keep in contact with the rest. I do the regular dutiful phonecall to Mum but essentially they're none of them part of my life now. That's the way it goes sometimes.

duchy

I think the bring the New Year in with marriage idea is lovely !
Are you having a cake ? That'd make a great theme and there's some reasonable (pricewise) bakers in Vegas who are very creative !

(Can you tell I've researched Vegas weddings to death LOL)

Tropez

Tiglath wrote: »

Yeah I hear you - I know my adoptive Mum has written her will so it all goes to her biological daughter and grandchildren by her, so I don't have that issue. I think my card was marked when I announced I wouldn't be having children, and she made it clear she wasn't interested in my stepchildren although they're no more or less related by blood than any bio-kids of mine would've been I redeemed myself briefly by buying Mum a car last year, but the scales are still weighing against me. It's a hard thing to realise that your value to the woman who raised you is in how useful you are to her, but there you go Once she's gone I won't keep in contact with the rest. I do the regular dutiful phonecall to Mum but essentially they're none of them part of my life now. That's the way it goes sometimes.

Ah that's a shame but at least you're not wasting time trying to get people onside who aren't really worth it

duchy wrote: »

I think the bring the New Year in with marriage idea is lovely !
Are you having a cake ? That'd make a great theme and there's some reasonable (pricewise) bakers in Vegas who are very creative !

(Can you tell I've researched Vegas weddings to death LOL)

Yeah, we're having a Christmas cake turned into a wedding cake. Thankfully there was a Canadian working at the place I hired to sort it out who knew what the heck I was rabbiting on about.

Probably sounds quite strange but well we're not fancy cake people.

paddy's_mum

Tropez wrote: »

I would send them a card with that in but then I would have to actually go out and buy cards and that would take more effort than I think they're worth!

No, no - you misunderstand me! You don't buy a card. You simply take one that you've been sent, scribble over the 'love from Aunty Edna' type stuff, re-sign it and post it without a stamp. Zero chance of them not getting the hint, you see.

Got it now?

PS I got this idea from my barmy mother in law who constantly did this to us - birthdays, Christmas ... now that was one relative I would have loved to [STRIKE]assasinate[/STRIKE] divorce.