A simple and probably unnecessary moan about family.

duchy

What I don'tunderstand is why you didn't invite Christmas houseguests years ago and suggest a hotel when they rang up at the 11th hour.

Soleil_lune

Hi Tropez.

It is NOT an unnecessary moan: you have no reason to feel bad for getting p1ssed off with this bunch of passive aggressive parasites. I know EXACTLY the type of people you mean, and some of MY extended family are like this too. They used love to pick someone's house to go to; a nan or a mom, and eat them out of house and home, and not give anything back.

And I agree that there are SO many more times when people can see family, so why does it always have to be at Christmas??? It's so annoying, especially as a lot of people seem to hate it LOL.

It's time that people realised that it IS OK to spend Christmas at home, and put away extended family visits for another time of year. I can think of few things that are worse than being dragged away from my own home at Christmas, to spend it with people I can't abide!

And also, as for people who DO insist on dragging their backsides around other peoples houses... Have they thought that they may not be wanted there?!

What 'family' is it anyway? Is it JUST Siblings? Or cousins? Aunts?

And so WHAT if they don't talk to you again?! Sounds like you would benefit from it. These people sound vile. I am not surprised that they didn't get an invite to your wedding. Why do some people assume that everyone who is moderately related to someone should get an invite to their wedding?

My pal got married in the 1990s, and only invited 18 or so people to her wedding, because she and her hubby to be were paying for it entirely on their own, and his 12 or so cousins and aunts who lived miles away weren't invited, as he barely knew them and did not grow up with them.

So only his mom, dad and brother and SIL and niece and nephew went. However SHE lived within a mile of 15-20 aunts, uncles and cousins, who she saw weekly but detested as they had always treated her like crap (a bit like YOUR family.). So out of the family, she invited her mom, dad, and brother and his girlfriend ONLY. They also invited about 7 or 8 mutual friends, who were in their lives, who cared about them and who they were close to. One was best man, a couple were bridesmaids, a couple were witnesses...

Moreover, she and he were paying for the wedding, so could not AFFORD for any more to be invited. Literally only 3 or 4 of that 18-20 extended family speak to her now, and haven't bothered with her since she got married. And that is rare as they fear the wrath of the rest of the family. She has not been invited to a SINGLE family thing since, not Christenings, birthday parties, nothing ; and her kids never get invited to any of the kids things... Even though she has invited them to quite a few things since then, the ones who still speak to her - sort of! AND she invites their kids (they never turn up.)

Like she said, it was all right for them, as her three female cousins had their weddings paid for by family, and she did not. Long story, but it was down to both sets of parents financial situations.

And by the way, I would not want people I LIKE staying with me, let alone people I don't! I would rather pay for a Travelodge for them mySELF than have people stuck in my home for 2 weeks over Christmas!

Yes I AM a grumpy old cow! And I have earned the right to be.

Good luck with your marriage Tropez, look after your mom and sod the rest of them!

And of COURSE 6 weeks is enough to make other arrangements! I know people who have planned their bloody WEDDING in that amount of time! And here's a radical idea; how about them STAYING IN THEIR OWN HOME!

Tropez

justme111 wrote: »

I see , you as the most affluent branch of the family paying for your guests to attwnd

My employer is fronting some of the cost in lieu of my bonus next year.

Tropez

duchy wrote: »

What I don'tunderstand is why you didn't invite Christmas houseguests years ago and suggest a hotel when they rang up at the 11th hour.

They don't ring me up, they ring mum up and then mum says that I'll put them up because my mum, while a lovely, well-meaning woman is also a bloody pest! So once mum gives them the okay, at this point if I turn around and say no I will either a) upset her, or b) come across as the evil !!!!!!!o who ruined Christmas.

The truth is I can totally tolerate them being here because I don't have to see much of them. They tend to sleep here, raid my kitchen every now and again and stick to the sitting room.

balletshoes

I agree with you Tropez - in the circumstances, 6 weeks notice is ample time. Presumably now they will pop your Mums christmas pressie in the post to her, or bring it to her when she's back home from your wedding. Now they have 6 weeks to sort out alternative Christmas arrangements among themselves - thats plenty of time.

poet123

I also agree that six weeks is ample time, and really, they sound as if they deserve very little consideration by the OP.

Tropez

Soleil Lune - it's a bit complicated as they are my mum's biological children who were already adults by the time I was born, plus some of their kids who are about my age.

Funny thing is on the subject of wedding invites, one of the kids got married a couple of years ago - my mum got invited but not me so I drove my mum 120 miles to where this wedding was being held, loitered around the area for most of the day and then had to drive my mum back. Hah! And they thought I should invite them to my wedding. Madness!

And I totally agree with you on the Christmas thing. My fiancee had an awful childhood and never had a good Christmas. I'm actually not bothered by the whole Christmas thing myself but she is because she wants to experience the magic of it that passed her by as a kid, so I make a real effort for her - the house by mid-December looks like some sort of camp, glittering LSD hallucination!

I'd much rather just spend the entire few weeks with her, alone. As it is, we generally have a solo celebration either before they arrive or just after they !!!!!! off again.

I think the first time I was really annoyed about the whole situation was the 12 months she went to New Zealand to work. Her coming home for Xmas was one of the few times I'd actually been able to hold her over that period and they still turned up. Ahh well...

PuzzledDave

Now I think about it, would love to make this a challenge, what can be done to make the home inhospitable as possible for the duration of their stay only ?

1) Move all furniture but your bed and single chair into storage, declaring that you have decided that material goods are theft and shed yourself of worldly possessions.

2) Hide alarm clocks under the floorboards of where they sleep and set to go off at random hours of the night (ones that stop ringing after a few minutes).

3) Set the boiler and heating up to max and prevent it being turned down.

Tropez

PuzzledDave wrote: »

Now I think about it, would love to make this a challenge, what can be done to make the home inhospitable as possible for the duration of their stay only ?

1) Move all furniture but your bed and single chair into storage, declaring that you have decided that material goods are theft and shed yourself of worldly possessions.

2) Hide alarm clocks under the floorboards of where they sleep and set to go off at random hours of the night (ones that stop ringing after a few minutes).

3) Set the boiler and heating up to max and prevent it being turned down.

I could perhaps start practicing my guitar in the garage at three in the morning as well. The garage shares a wall with the bedrooms where I make them sleep.

Perhaps hide some speakers under their beds rigged to a microphone so I can periodically whisper things to them such as "I see you" and "I'm behind you" in creepy voices.

Steal some stuff from the warehouse at work that we use in equipment designed to generate shadows and smoke bomb rooms to go along with the previous one.

paulineb_2

Tropez wrote: »

Soleil Lune - it's a bit complicated as they are my mum's biological children who were already adults by the time I was born, plus some of their kids who are about my age.

Funny thing is on the subject of wedding invites, one of the kids got married a couple of years ago - my mum got invited but not me so I drove my mum 120 miles to where this wedding was being held, loitered around the area for most of the day and then had to drive my mum back. Hah! And they thought I should invite them to my wedding. Madness!

And I totally agree with you on the Christmas thing. My fiancee had an awful childhood and never had a good Christmas. I'm actually not bothered by the whole Christmas thing myself but she is because she wants to experience the magic of it that passed her by as a kid, so I make a real effort for her - the house by mid-December looks like some sort of camp, glittering LSD hallucination!

I'd much rather just spend the entire few weeks with her, alone. As it is, we generally have a solo celebration either before they arrive or just after they !!!!!! off again.

I think the first time I was really annoyed about the whole situation was the 12 months she went to New Zealand to work. Her coming home for Xmas was one of the few times I'd actually been able to hold her over that period and they still turned up. Ahh well...

Theres no point in getting upset about whats happened in the past

Youve allowed them to be in your home for the best reasons.

But if you dont want to do this every year, put your foot down and say so, no point complaining about something that youve allowed to carry on

If people were mean to me theyd be scratched from my life, the end.

Either you tell them to sod off, or you put up with them warts and all, choice is yours