A simple and probably unnecessary moan about family.

DUKE

How did you cope with them all these years Topaz? :eek: Absolutely vile they are! :mad: I'd tell them that that you're going to America & wont be coming back

Callie22

How romantic that you're going to be going away and renewing your vows every Christmas from now on ...

paulineb_2

Tell them to shove off, seriously. Boy am I glad theres 3 of us in my family and that we all get on well.

If they want to see your mum, they can make arrangements to see her elsewhere.

FBaby

Well there is clearly a lot of animosity and bitterness all around. From what you say, I think you should have stepped the mark from the start if you were not happy with it. You said you did it to please your mum but it sounds like you grow resentful of it all, so in the end, everybody seems to be hating each other. Wouldn't your mum have prefered you were honest about how you felt having them staying over?

6 weeks is not a lot of time to find out that arrangements that have been the same years after years are not going on that one year especially if it means not spending the day with their mum.

I don't have any doubt that these people are unpleasant and have treated you very wrongly, but I don't think waiting until now to tell them that you'll be away with your mum celebrating your wedding without was going to help much with the relationship.

marisco_2

I hope you have a fantastic time abroad this Xmas with your fiance and mum, and would like to wish you all the best for your wedding plans. Rise above the petty passive aggressive behaviour of your relatives. They are daft as brushes to be conducting themselves in this manner. None of this is conducive to you being welcoming hosts in years to come is it! Talk about cutting of their nose to spite their face. This may dawn on them in time.

mellymoo74

I don't see my dads sisters etc for the same reason I got introduced to the undertaker as my dads STEP daughter by one of them at his funeral and told hed left everything to his REAL children (they didn't realise me and dad had a chat about that before he got too doped up).
Talk to your mum.
And congratulations on your wedding 1

Bella73

I think you have been very courteous considering the circumstances.

Hope you have a wonderful wedding and very Happy Christmas with the people you love x

justme111

Tropez wrote: »

To be fair though hardly anyone is invited to my wedding. Too expensive.

I see , you as the most affluent branch of the family paying for your guests to attwnd

PuzzledDave

6 weeks is plenty of time IMHO, think of this way - 6 weeks ago was before the storm in a teacup about the US shutdown ! I mean come on ? 6 weeks !! 42 days ! 1008 hours of time to google: Cheap hotels <town>

Tradition be dammed, your home is your castle - no way do they have any rights to expect free bed and board on the days of their choosing, especially if they fail to ask the owner in the first place !

If this continued at my house, there would be sudden unexpected problems when they show up largely unannounced such as sudden boiler breakdowns, no running water and empty food cupboards, empty fridge/freezers which mysteriously fix themselves after they leave.

Oh yes, and the guests linen may have some suspicious brown stains of then.

Tropez

FBaby wrote: »

Well there is clearly a lot of animosity and bitterness all around. From what you say, I think you should have stepped the mark from the start if you were not happy with it. You said you did it to please your mum but it sounds like you grow resentful of it all, so in the end, everybody seems to be hating each other. Wouldn't your mum have prefered you were honest about how you felt having them staying over?

I don't hate them; waste of my time. Their very existence is of no importance to me. Hating someone requires effort and that's effort not worth expending in their case. At best I'm indifferent to them. They show up, they do whatever, they go in a few days - it matters little to me. An inconvenience that makes mum happy; it's not that big an issue. They're the ones with the problem, not me.

6 weeks is not a lot of time to find out that arrangements that have been the same years after years are not going on that one year especially if it means not spending the day with their mum.

I think it is ample time when you haven't even made the arrangements to begin with. Whatever they believe is the case, there is no long-standing arrangement that they are welcome here every year. There has been no agreement that they will come here for Christmas this year. They may have expected that they would come here but then they should have cleared that with me, shouldn't they? Why should I plan my life around the whims of others who are not part of my life?

If they wanted to come here, why is two weeks or less an acceptable notice period to me that they are coming but six weeks is not enough to tell them that it won't be possible for them to do so this year?

Last year it was six days before they phoned my mum to tell her they wanted to come. What right did they have to expect me to put my life on hold while I wait on them? It doesn't work like that.

Six weeks is plenty of notice given that nothing had been arranged.

I don't have any doubt that these people are unpleasant and have treated you very wrongly, but I don't think waiting until now to tell them that you'll be away with your mum celebrating your wedding without was going to help much with the relationship.

It isn't a relationship that I care about and as I say, I don't think that telling them at this point is the inconvenience they are suggesting it is.

Shockingly, I've been working, planning a wedding, making travel arrangements for ten people out of my own pocket, booking hotels, checking passports, acquiring insurance, sorting out pet care, sorting out finances and every other thing. Telling them wasn't very high on my to-do list.