A simple and probably unnecessary moan about family.

Tropez

Every Christmas, members of my family descend upon my house, not to see me but to see my mum. As my house is bigger than mum's they use this place as base camp. They don't pay anything or compensate me in any way for the intrusion - they simply expect it (one year they didn't even clean up after themselves and I found a used condom lying on the rim of a bin... delightful). I've tolerated this because it makes my mum happy to see family members that she doesn't often see; although I would be lying if I didn't say I slightly resented it as well.

This year, however, I won't be here and nor will my mum. I'll be in the USA getting married and my mum will be attending so I've sent out a few emails letting those who would usually use my home as a free lodging house that this year it won't be possible nor necessary as I won't be there and neither will mum.

Oh dear me, I might as well have sent them all an email of a dog defecating on a garden gnome. Through an onslaught of phone calls and emails I've basically been informed that I'm a more evil person than Atila the Hun.

Apparently I'm now a selfish "person who fornicates with mothers" and it isn't my place to take away their one day a year they get to spend with their mother especially as I'm just the adopted family member. Now, in all honesty, there's nothing stopping them seeing mum any other time of the year; it isn't like they have extremely important jobs that they simply cannot get any time away from.

I'm also quite curious as to how they expect their extremely OTT reaction to benefit them long-term? Casa Tropez might just close its doors permanently. I can do more important things at Christmas instead, like getting the soon to be wife to dress up as an elf

As further evidence of what a horrible person I am I was informed that one family member had spent a "substantial" sum on a gift for my mum and now I had robbed her of the opportunity to see mum's face when she opened it. Yes, because I'm sure another pair of leather gloves is exactly what would make her day... but it still doesn't preclude her from coming up before or after the day - I mean, she lives like forty miles away and the railway station is as good as right outside her house. Numpty.

Oh and apparently I should have invited them to the wedding. Seems reasonable. They'd probably expect me to pay for their flights too.

Artytarty

Urgh! I can't believe how mean and selfish they are being!
Don't let it spoil the run up to your wedding if you can help it, why aren't they glad that your Mum is going with you anyhow.
As you away, they can visit her anytime, this is a one off occasion.
Jeez lousie!

Tropez

Artytarty wrote: »

Urgh! I can't believe how mean and selfish they are being!
Don't let it spoil the run up to your wedding if you can help it, why aren't they glad that your Mum is going with you anyhow.
As you away, they can visit her anytime, this is a one off occasion.
Jeez lousie!

Ah their negative mojo will have no effect on me after today. I posted this here as a cathartic exercise so I don't simply start telling people what I actually think of them!

And yes, they can visit any time. It's not my fault that they seem to think that they have a monopoly on Christmas.

SailorSam

You shouldn't have written to let them know your plans. Think of the laugh you could have had in the Usa looking at your watch and thinking they'll just about be arriving to find the house all locked up and deserted.

FBaby

I'm confused. Did none of them knew you were getting married abroad? I assume none of them were invited? Or is it a case of them thinking it would only be you and not your mum?

I have to say that if they didn't know and you only now informed them in a 'by the way, you better make different plans this year because I'm off having fun with mum', only 6 weeks before Christmas when they have always done the same thing every year, then yes, I would find this very selfish, but I assume there is more to the story?

margaretclare

'They have always done the same thing every year'. Well, tough. From what the OP wrote, about time this was put a stop to. Well done, Tropez. If that had been me if would have been stopped long ago. I don't approve of people taking the p*ss, Christmas or no Christmas.

Actually, this whole 'Christmas' thing has got a lot to answer for.

Bennifred

I sincerely hope the writers/callers will never be darkening your door again?!:mad: What a nerve! They certainly wouldn't be staying with me again - even for Mum's sake.

FBaby

It is the right of OP to stop something that she wasn't comfortable with, but there is a way to do it. Either do it after it happens once or twice, in which case you say something like 'ok guys, I know you want to come down here to spend Xmas with mum, but I can't cope with the mess you make and all considering my house like a hotel, so from now on, it will be either staying at mum or in a hotel' and then make it clear early in the year.

Keeing one's mouth close for years and getting on with it with no one in the family realising that it is causing OP a real issue, and then using the wedding to announce 6 weeks before Xmas that there will be time spent with their mum is another matter.

However, there must be more to it as clearly OP's mum doesn't have an issue with it, so maybe she's glad too to avoid them coming over. Still, if that is the case, a bit more notice would probably have avoided the nasty reactions.

sharloid

FBaby wrote: »

I have to say that if they didn't know and you only now informed them in a 'by the way, you better make different plans this year because I'm off having fun with mum', only 6 weeks before Christmas when they have always done the same thing every year, then yes, I would find this very selfish, but I assume there is more to the story?

Only?! 6 weeks is a long time to organise what is usually just one meal!

OP I'd let your mum know how horrible your relatives are being and I certainly wouldn't be letting them in the house in the future. They'd be barred!

Tropez

FBaby wrote: »

I'm confused. Did none of them knew you were getting married abroad? I assume none of them were invited? Or is it a case of them thinking it would only be you and not your mum?

I have to say that if they didn't know and you only now informed them in a 'by the way, you better make different plans this year because I'm off having fun with mum', only 6 weeks before Christmas when they have always done the same thing every year, then yes, I would find this very selfish, but I assume there is more to the story?

Here's how it goes...

Usually between the 10 and 14 day mark before Christmas (although last year it was merely six) the spokesperson of this section of the family phones mum with a request to see her over the Christmas holidays and a rather unsubtle suggestion that they stop at mine which my mother agrees to because apparently I won't mind.

I've tolerated this arrangement purely for her sake. Her husband's been passed a decade, her friends are often unavailable to spend time with her - while those family members actively show their contempt for me (and it is contempt bordering on outright hatred) it does please her to see them, so I suck it up and deal with it even given the short notice.

My mother hasn't quite clicked that this is the way they do things - a phone call to her less than two weeks before Christmas and arranging their sleeping arrangements through her to ensure they stay at mine because they know if they asked me direct I'd find a way out of it - but I have and given that they haven't yet made their phone call and thus no arrangements are in place, I actually believe I'm being quite courteous to even let them know that it isn't happening this year. I could just as easily have let them get as far as their phone call to mum (incidentally the only phone call they give her in a year, not one of them remembered her birthday this year, again!) and have mum give them the news.

I think six weeks is ample time for them to sort out alternate arrangements. I had a whole wedding planned in less than that

Oh and just to clarify, I'm actually male.

poet123

Are these people your siblings? If so, were they unaware you were getting married? And were they not to be invited? (at their own expense obviously)