Not sure how to move forward

jetplane

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Thanks!

He doesn't really open up about stuff as much as he used to. He always used to include me and talk to me about things but now not so much. He has always been impatient but I kinda just seem to get on his nerves.

He is still affectionate when the kids aren't there. And we haven't stopped going out or anything. We still get time to do that - even my health hasn't interfered with it. Conversations have only recently become about my health on a regular basis and they only seem to be regular because I struggle to actually get him to talk about it in the first place. Like I mentioned, I don't think he 'believed' me until he came to the docs with me and the doc diagnosed Fibro/CFS.

Re: letting it get this far...I suppose that is only because I thought the counselling would help me and in turn improve things all round. I can't make him choose - nor would I really want to. Like he says, he should be able to have a female friend without it having any bearing on us.

Oh OP I think "believing" is a big problem with CFS / ME /Fibro because often the diagnosis is made when nothing else can be found to explain your symptoms and you have had to explain or justify yourself so many times that people look at you and can think you just moan. I suspect it was like that for decades with people with mental health illness. You look fine so there's nothing much wrong.

I don't mean that you let it get this far I meant him, I had already edited my post before yours to say that I would expect him to make sacrifices for me if I was ill. And yes we can all have friends of whichever gender and he should be able to have a female friend but right here and now it is having a bearing on you both. How many other friends both male and female does he have that he has this level of closeness and contact with?

As for getting on his nerves that may well be to do with your negative thinking. Sometimes people deflect a difficult conversation so that the issue actually grows bigger than it is.

I know many people say that ones partner should have friends of both sexes and I think they are right, I also think that ones partner should be your priority and perhaps you are both struggling right now.

Anoneemoose

jetplane wrote: »

Oh OP I think "believing" is a big problem with CFS / ME /Fibro because often the diagnosis is made when nothing else can be found to explain your symptoms and you have had to explain or justify yourself so many times that people look at you and can think you just moan. I suspect it was like that for decades with people with mental health illness. You look fine so there's nothing much wrong.

I don't mean that you let it get this far I meant him, I had already edited my post before yours to say that I would expect him to make sacrifices for me if I was ill. And yes we can all have friends of whichever gender and he should be able to have a female friend but right here and now it is having a bearing on you both. How many other friends both male and female does he have that he has this level of closeness and contact with?

As for getting on his nerves that may well be to do with your negative thinking. Sometimes people deflect a difficult conversation so that the issue actually grows bigger than it is.

I know many people say that ones partner should have friends of both sexes and I think they are right, I also think that ones partner should be your priority and perhaps you are both struggling right now.

Thanks for this. I feel like you actually get what I mean (am not saying others don't but it just seems people think it is all about me not wanting him to have a female friend). Someome also mentioned they had a female for over 30 yrs. If he had been friends with her for a long time, i could probably accept it more. He was very close to someone when we got together and now I am probably closer to her than he is!! I never had any problem with this friendship.

I don't think he really texts anyone else much (but am not sure) and he has said that he doesn't actually text her that regularly but now that he has said he has been keeping it from me, I don't really know what to believe.

You are totally right in that deflecting a conversation seems to cause an issue and i understand he might not always know how to handle it.

Spirit_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

So yes, it hurts when he is concerned (understandably) for someone else's health.

.

Longer term or multiple ill health matters are very important to the person suffering it but can take a toll on those who live with them.

Not only can the ill health drag the poorly person down, it can compromise the way of life of partners too. This is just to share how it is for us.

I do not join in some activities my OH and I could share, I get tired more quickly, he does most of the chores. His actions show me he cares, he never enquires after my health, he can gauge it because he knows me so well, or if there is something new going on I tell him.

My OH is concerned about one of his friends who is currently acutely ill, he texts him and asks how he is, saw him one night this week. Caring about others takes nothing away from how he feels about me.

At a time I was very ill some years ago a female attractive single friend gave him emotional support. Her care for him and listening to him helped him with his worries about me. I was very grateful he had friends such as her to support him then (we see her a few times a year, OH sees her more frequently through sport, and were out with her last week. She is still beautiful, sporty and slim and more attractive than I have ever been:)).