Not sure how to move forward

Anoneemoose

mrcow wrote: »

I don't know why you are controlling. Why do you think you are?

Why have you made him feel that he has to hide his phone from you? Is he worried that you're going to sneak through it?

I don't believe I am controlling.

He has said he is worried about that because that is what his ex did.

paulineb_2

Is there no way you can just put this issue with his boss to one side and get on with your relationship?

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

Is there no way you can just put this issue with his boss to one side and get on with your relationship?

I don't know but I am going to try. That's why I am going for my counselling. I'd like to say yes, but obviously that's not happening now!

I understand I need to work on me but I think he should be putting a bit of effort in in general. Instead of using the 'it's just how I am' line.

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I don't know but I am going to try. That's why I am going for my counselling. I'd like to say yes, but obviously that's not happening now!

I understand I need to work on me but I think he should be putting a bit of effort in in general. Instead of using the 'it's just how I am' line.

I just think this is an awful waste of energy, being so upset about one woman.

And, you are saying what you want from him, what needs to change, maybe its time you asked him what he wants you to do to make an effort as well. It can be v easy to see other peoples flaws and be blinded to our own.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

I just think this is an awful waste of energy, being so upset about one woman.

And, you are saying what you want from him, what needs to change, maybe its time you asked him what he wants you to do to make an effort as well. It can be v easy to see other peoples flaws and be blinded to our own.

I have asked this and he says to be there for him, love him and support him. Which I do. Although I appreciate all of this isn't supportive.

I have tried to talk about how things affect him and he just says 'everything is ok' and he doesn't need to talk.

I think he wants it to be that he goes to work and comes home and everything here is hassle free (and I don't just mean with me). But life isn't like that.

mrcow

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I don't believe I am controlling.

But you're not looking at from an unbiased stance. You're making him feel like he has to sneak around and hide his phone. Your insecurities are controlling the relationship and you will drive him away as sure as night follows day.

He WANTS to text this person to find out how they are. He's a grown adult and is perfectly allowed to do that.

Anoneemoose

mrcow wrote: »

But you're not looking at from an unbiased stance. You're making him feel like he has to sneak around and hide his phone. Your insecurities are controlling the relationship and you will drive him away as sure as night follows day.

He WANTS to text this person to find out how they are. He's a grown adult and is perfectly allowed to do that.

And I understand this.

It just gets to me because he doesn't seem to be interested in me.

thorsoak

Anoneemoose wrote: »

And I understand this.

It just gets to me because he doesn't seem to be interested in me.

Maybe it is time for you to look to changing your life, and finding someone who is interested in you.

Anoneemoose

thorsoak wrote: »

Maybe it is time for you to look to changing your life, and finding someone who is interested in you.

This is what I am scared of. That maybe it is that time. That's what I am trying to work out.

Errata

Anoneemoose wrote: »

And I understand this.

It just gets to me because he doesn't seem to be interested in me.

What's preventing you from asking him why he's not interested in you?