Buffy's Mini diary

WantToBeSE

How are you finding the book, Buffy?

Sorry to hear about your period pains, i hope they disappear soon.

Buffythedebtslayer

Again after trying to fix Sky I got so tired that I had to sleep. I *think* maybe I am anaemic?
I don't know.


Anyhow am awake and feeling much better. Although I have wasted the day. Still to be honest after Christmas and the tidying and the stress my head felt quite exhausted and I feel that it is better to give in and feel better today now, than carry on and end up losing my rag with Mum and end going to bed feeling worse. I am lucky actually as it is just me I can do that. you see now I feel more positive, my back doesn't hurt as much and am finally feel hungry!


Am watching Up but want to get a notepad and make some plans for my new diary.


Sleep is really the best!


xx


Forgot to say


Wanttobese


I love the book, find it an interesting read and it think is helping. I certainly do "ruminate" on things and it was interesting to see this explained. I am trying to implement the 6 steps.


I will write more about it in my new diary


xxx

beanielou

Have ordered book from library

Buffythedebtslayer

Good for you Beanie, I think is excellent really made me realise how I felt was actually depression and not just me being a bit down or silly etc.


Am still reading it and will be using more of the ideas in the New Year.


I wrote in my new 2014 Journal tonight, I wrote freely and without judgement. It was easier than writing here, this can feel exposed. I feel loads better, am clearer. About what I am doing next year.


So. am still not looking forward to Monday. but it will come and go and am going out drinking with my good friend in the evening.


List for tomorrow.


1. Shopping for last minute presents.
- need Tesco vouchers,
- Chocolates.
- Cheap DVDs.
- clothes? I don't know to be honest! Will have to look up the ages of the kids........


2. move more furniture.


Right, have rambled enough.


XXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

Ugh woke up late and am compounding this by coming on here! House is a mess post Christmas and I foolishly suggested that we invite my Sister over for News year's Day dinner. Am still stressing about tomorrow. REALLY DO NOT want to go. I know I should, I know it might be alright but I feel bad, awkward. uncomfortable. am being a baby.


I wish I could cancel but one of my friends would never forgive me. One understands thank God, and the other one, well the friendship is pretty much dead in the water.


I have worried about it since the start of the holidays. Still I guess I can go for a couple of hours. maybe just dump the presents I haven't bought yet! It is stupid to worry. pointless.


Have e mailed my friend to check times. Just have to be grown up. boo hisss.


have to go out shopping.


xx

WantToBeSE

Hiya Buffy.

i am glad that you found writing in your journal to be helpful. I love journalling and find it so helpful. It is something i have done since a teenager.

That book looks really interesting but i am not spending any £ in January so i might have to wait until Feb.

beanielou

Buffy~All I am going to say is that you should not be feeling like this about friends.
Hope you have a nice evening.

Shoe_Gal

beanielou wrote: »

Buffy~All I am going to say is that you should not be feeling like this about friends.
Hope you have a nice evening.

I second this! But if you don't want to go, don't go (if they mind, they are not real friends and you deserve better :A)

Take care of you!

Buffythedebtslayer

I think really the problem is they are all married, all have kids and all have houses. I of course have none of these things and due to having been so crap with both money and men am currently not in a position to have any of them. I sit there and listen to them discuss their kids and their lives with some moaning and feel.........well, left out - I cannot contribute in any meaningful way. And I also think more often than I would care to admit that this makes me feel a failure. I am aware that rationally I am not or will not remain so. you know that clip in Pretty Woman - "Kit De luca you have a lot a potential", that is what it makes me think!


And I don't think they think less of me or anything. It is just how things worked out.


It is hard to have children and it is hard not to have children.


xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Any how been doing sums.............I am going to borrow 3500 from my CC to buy a new car and pay upfront for the insurance.


3500 + 4600 = 8100


*gulps*




first payment this month will 600 pounds.


which will leave me with 7500.


divided by 6 = 1250 a month.


Not that doable to be honest.


However I am only working till July!


so that is what I am doing...... About time I was all consumed with debt busting again!


xxx