Dare I do it again?

charlies-aunt

If everyone waited until they could "afford" to have a baby - there wouldn't be many born.

If you are in a long term, stable relationship, have successfully reared and cared for the children you already have and can provide a decent, loving home that is - IMO - more important than any financial consideration

When you are older and start to look back on your life, you realise that in the grand scheme of things - money is of low importance - family, love, loyalty, friendship and kindness are the important stuff

I am well past child bearing age and I am blessed with two children (one adopted and one natural child) but the biggest sadness of my life is that I wasn't able to have more children.

We only come this way once and you should grasp every chance of happiness that you can .... if another child is something that both you and your partner want -my advice is that you should "go for it sista" while you can.

mountainofdebt

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

My partner works full time so no we don't live off benefits. We get the usual tax credits and a very small amount of housing benefit, no council tax benefit as we don't qualify. I'm Looking into starting my own sewing business making childrens clothes amongst other things I already make a lot of clothes for my own children. Before someone picks up on the fact we rent so how are we going to covert the garage. The landlord would rather help us stay here having been good tenants for 7yrs than risk us leaving and getting who knows what move in plus a fourth bedroom would increase the value more than a garage does so win win.

So now some of you can get back on your soap boxes and start berating me for the fact we do get some state help.

ruddy hell woman - when seriously do you think you'd have time to do this .....self educating 2 of your children as well as looking after the needs of 5 children would knacker most people without doing this as well.

Sorry but this is a recipe for disaster

Dovah_diva

charlies-aunt wrote: »

If everyone waited until they could "afford" to have a baby - there wouldn't be many born.

If you are in a long term, stable relationship, have successfully reared and cared for the children you already have and can provide a decent, loving home that is - IMO - more important than any financial consideration

When you are older and start to look back on your life, you realise that in the grand scheme of things - money is of low importance - family, love, loyalty, friendship and kindness are the important stuff

Perhaps the OP could also move into a thatched cottage with roses round the door, and small woodland animals to do the housework? Your idealist post is lovely and all, but it is, unfortunately, somewhat simplistic. Money is very important, being able to provide the space for children to grow is not cheap. I am not just talking about the house either, but also clothes, additional activities like ballet or horse riding, school trips, holidays etc. Then there is the time factor, the more children you have, the less time you can dedicate to all of them.

The OP has four healthy children and has already admitted that they are financially challenged and have no additional space for another person. It would be madness to consider having another child; they should concentrate on the children they have and count their blessings every day. Also, given the OP's age, what impact would it have on the family if they have a child with special needs? Extra expense, complete upheaval and even less time for the other children.

Wanting another child is perfectly natural - but exercising some self control and putting aside your own selfish needs and concentrating on the children the OP has is the right thing to do in this instance.

fluffnutter

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

I was going to post an epic response but I don't see the point. Here are the bullet points.
1. I don't find children or babies draining never have. I will admit to finding pregnancy draining but that isn't forever.
2. The concerns with my age are to do with carrying not looking after or bringing up a child.
3. My children all get plenty of one to one time with both me and my OH.
4. We aren't flush but we aren't broke either.
5. We don't have babysitters as we don't use them. Grandparents help in an emergency otherwise if my children can't go we don't go.
6. We currently have 3 beds we could convert the garage to make 4
7. I already have a dog and two rabbits
8. Having researched and spoken to other HE families there is no reason a pregnancy or baby would interfere in the long term education of my two youngest children. It may have a short term effect on them as with any family having a new arrival means adjustment and new routines. The beauty of HE is that it is fluid and will work around us not a school timetable. Pregnancy, birth and everything that comes with it can be educational in its self.

I thank you ladies for helping me to organise my thoughts. The negativity has actually helped to bring some clarity.

So why did you bother asking? Not only because you seem a little peeved that people think it's not the greatest idea but also because, at the end of the day, having kids is for you and your husband to decide.

I find it bizarre that people ask for opinions from a bunch of strangers about something only they can decide, particularly when they then get their panties in a tangle when they don't hear what they want to hear.

FBaby

charlies-aunt wrote: »

If everyone waited until they could "afford" to have a baby - there wouldn't be many born.

If you are in a long term, stable relationship, have successfully reared and cared for the children you already have and can provide a decent, loving home that is - IMO - more important than any financial consideration

When you are older and start to look back on your life, you realise that in the grand scheme of things - money is of low importance - family, love, loyalty, friendship and kindness are the important stuff

I am well past child bearing age and I am blessed with two children (one adopted and one natural child) but the biggest sadness of my life is that I wasn't able to have more children.

We only come this way once and you should grasp every chance of happiness that you can .... if another child is something that both you and your partner want -my advice is that you should "go for it sista" while you can.

Good if money isn't important we can stop all this tax credit nonsense.

fluffnutter

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

We get the usual tax credits ...

Tax credits aren't 'usual'. They are means-tested. They are to help people who don't earn enough to bring up all their children. You clearly don't earn enough to support the four you already have, so why are you thinking of a fifth?

duchy

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

My partner works full time so no we don't live off benefits. We get the usual tax credits and a very small amount of housing benefit, no council tax benefit as we don't qualify. I'm Looking into starting my own sewing business making childrens clothes amongst other things I already make a lot of clothes for my own children. Before someone picks up on the fact we rent so how are we going to covert the garage. The landlord would rather help us stay here having been good tenants for 7yrs than risk us leaving and getting who knows what move in plus a fourth bedroom would increase the value more than a garage does so win win.

So now some of you can get back on your soap boxes and start berating me for the fact we do get some state help.

I think homeschooling small people isn't very difficult but once you get to secondary level even parents with degrees can struggle with some subjects. I've worked in a high school and from seeing classes first hand I could teach some subjects competently to GCSE level and possibly A level but others quite honestly I couldn't (and I think that's the same for most qualified teachers too) Had I chosen to homeschool which I looked at I would have needed to "outsource" Maths for example as my son is gifted in that area. So you have two problems there - not everyone can teach -and it can be very expensive to provide a balanced secondary level education that will give the children options to continue into HE especially if their talents lie in other areas to the HSing parent.

Trying to run a business from home as well as raise and teach five children sounds a mite ambitious-I don't know you -maybe you have teaching experience and a degree in the humanities and another in Maths and could handle it all -but the lack of clarity in your reasoning in your posts on this thread make me doubt that.

I am not saying what you are planning is impossible but you are gambling with your children's futures if you get it wrong so you need to be very sure. Some kids thrive in school , some don't -I think it is very dangerous to assume that HSing will suit ALL your children regardless. What would you do if one of the children says they WANT to go to school further along the line or decide they want to be a scientist and need the kind of lab facilities it isn't possible to provide at home to get the qualifications to progress to HE in the subject ?

I think any decisions you make need to be made very rationally -and adding another child may compromise on your other plans so you'd need to be very sure you could handle everything.

Incidentally - as you are renting - You could pay for a garage conversion and six months later the landlord's circumstances change and they could serve you notice and there wouldn't be a thing you could do about it -

Oh and housing benefit and tax credits ARE benefits !!

mincepiemonster

We would love a big family - but will probably stop at 3 kids. However, the things which concern us (other than finances - we don't get any benefits other than CB and I'm sure Dh's boss won't pay him more just for having another!):

1. What would happen if we split up? Would we be able to cope alone with 4+? We are very happily married and I don't see this happening but you never know.
2. What would happen if one of us died, even if I died in pursuit of this other baby (for want of a better phrase)... childbirth is a risky business! And only gets riskier as you get older / more babies ...
3. What if both of us died? Is there anyone who could have the kids and keep them all together? My folks are only 49 and 52 (yours must be older as you're 37, sorry to be rude) but even so...
4. What if one of the kids was disabled or seriously ill? (I'm sure I don't need to labour the point, but again this is more likely in older mums) Or our parents needed caring for? Or one of us had an accident or became disabled or ill?

They're all a bit morbid, I know, but worth a quick ponder. Furthermore:

5. Where would we keep them all?!?!
6. How would we pay for / help out with uni for them all?
7. Would we be able to logistically get them to school / clubs / activities / on holiday?

And the biggie for us:
8. Would we still have the means - financial and time-wise - to enjoy parenthood or would it just become a massive chore?

rpc

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

My partner works full time so no we don't live off benefits. We get the usual tax credits and a very small amount of housing benefit

That's more than most - most people don't have the state helping to pay for the roof over their head. And tax credits aren't usual - loads of people get them thanks to Labour but (with the arguable exception of the childcare element) it still represents living off benefit income.

I'm Looking into starting my own sewing business making childrens clothes amongst other things I already make a lot of clothes for my own children.

You are going to hold down two jobs? Home educating is a full time job and then you think you can do another on top? Aside from anything else, I'm not sure I see a lot of profit here. The market is fairly well catered for unless you can find a niche.

nikki11

notanewuser wrote: »

nikki11 wrote: »

Not even a tiny bit. But don't let that get in the way of your racism.

It's not racism it's fact- someone mentioned that it was draining the economy-there's more than having children doing that... On the programme 16 and counting there's a woman with 12/13 children and she home schools them and writes a blog to bring in money as well as her oh working-so it can be done.