Family cut themselves out of my son's life

DCFC79

Your only 21 Wiggy, I must say you seem to be doing well with what you have put up with. You dont know whats going to happen in the future, focus on the moment.

All the best for 2014.

Amber_Sunshine

Popped in to see how the Wigmas went. I hope it's cheered you to see how many people thought of you over Christmas. And don't give up hope of more kids. Wiggy, you're a baby yourself! Plenty of time yet. I suspect you're just feeling a bit overwhelmed by recent events. Concentrate in the here and now for the time being, and when the time is right you will meet a good guy and have more Wiglets.

Dimey

I was wondering how Wigmas went too.

How did the dinner go and what did Wiglet make of his gifts and the things you did together?

valkirn

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thanks, we had a lovely Christmas, it went very well and was a success!

Emailed legal advice about that letter and told police (who dropped off the legal documents photocopied for the case or whatever), that'll be sorted after festive season I guess.

Wiglet's dad came around today and brought two presents, which he loved. He also mentioned he was seeing someone and she knows about wiglet but won't be involved. I brushed this off easily saying that's ok, long as I know no-one's going to come up with him as not comfortable with that in my home, all fine. It's just hit me now though, through this, that wiglet will be my only child. i'm not interested in finding anyone else nor particarly want another child, don't get me wrong, but i'm only 21. it hit me quite suddenly and quite upset. wiglet won't ever have siblings, I won't ever get married or have a daughter like I hoped for when I was pregnant. THIS is my only family. it made me start thinking that, once wiglet grows up in only a few years, he'll be gone too and that'll be it. i'll be alone, with no other half or anything and no child.

sorry, getting bit emotional. I never expected anything from his dad and see so many faults with him as a person that i'd never be able to see him like that, just pees me off. but it felt like a big barrier had come down, ending that all, and thus ending my possibilities. I suppose i'm just worried that I won't have anything really once wiglet is gone. what do I do then? ha, grim thoughts for boxing day, think everything from this year just hit me hard!

I have been lurking but didnt know what to say to alot of what has gone on but this struck a chord.
I was 22 when i had my eldest my partner also left while i was pregnant.
Please dont think nothing will happen in the future, i remember thinking that that was it for me too i wouldnt meet anyone at the time i didnt want to meet anyone it was me and my child against the world.
But she was 4 almost 5 when i met my soon to be husband he moved in and a sibling for my eldest followed quite quick we have had our ups and downs and 2 more children lol.
Eventually you may be ready and when you are those barriers will come back up just as quick as they went down.

wiggywoo9

Hi again, yes we had a good Christmas. I was the only one having the turkey breast as wiglet wasn't interested- he enjoyed his starter though. Maybe buffet next year! Present wise, he got a cozy coupe which his dad was nice enough to put together prior to Christmas, along with a big stack of others- dvds, books, an assortment of transport (planes/helicopter etc). Took us hour and half to unwrap, so he had a lot, and I got a few dvds and chocolate. Day went well, no worries.

He's still seeing his dad, going good. He's seeing someone now as mentioned earlier so think I've got my head around it. I don't know if anyone has this problem, probably the result of too many Jacqueline Wilson books in my teens, but I always try to think/look ahead. So when he told me about this, I had to kind of erase the image of him being separate from us and try to rewrite a possible future where wiglet has a stepmother and half-siblings. It immediately spun me as I think, well, if that's that, where will we be? And unlike that side with him, I can't see anything for me. I can see me getting a good, busy job and being pretty focused there, but just coming back to a house (hopefully) and reading by myself. I don't have any issues with that really. I have to push myself to be social sometimes so that wouldn't be too bad. Might get a chance to work through the thousands of books I own. But whether its instinct or not, I seriously do not see me meeting anyone or having another child. Even selling off bits like highchair, I automatically think, well won't need that again. Does anyone else have this or is it just negative thinking?

Thank you for all your new year wishes. I'm looking to get some social care experience as considering doing MA to be social worker. That's my new years resolution so I can choose that or teaching.

meritaten

its pretty normal I would think to be a single parent and think this way. but, you have had a lovely Christmas and have memories now to be 'treasured'.
your life isn't going to be 'static'. things wont stay the same. you are very young and you WILL find you meet people, wiglet will grow up, and things will change. for the better - they couldn't really get worse than your past could they? I don't think you really trust in that yet - I think you are waiting for the hammer to fall. it wont! you need to realise that you are 'In charge of your own life now'! and its going to be great!
I am so glad you had a great Christmas and wiglet had a pile of pressies to open - I bet you enjoyed that!

Dimey

I'm glad you both got the Christmas meal you each preferred. Present time sounded great.

I think its good to have a balance between your work and home life. Getting too obsessed with one or the other isn't healthy. By building your career you are doing the right thing to ensure you can always pay your own way and start saving for the future, yes for your old age but you don't need to dwell on that. But also to give yourself interest outside the home and develop yourself as an individual person.

Some people who stay at home all the time with no career say they have confidence issues and can be over lonely when the children fly the nest. So I'd say your plan is a good one. Unless you know you are the sort of person who can be fulfilled with a pure home life.

Its good to plan but then you also need to be flexible because you never know what will happen down the road. Your plans may change. Someone might come into your life who you never expected and you may happily end up with a life you & Wiglet never even thought of.

barbiedoll

I got married at 25 to an abusive drunk and I was separated at 29 and divorced by 30. I managed to buy a little ex-council flat really cheaply and I had two cats and thought that was my life....single, cat-owning spinster with a full bookcase and empty diary!

Money was really tight and I used to have £30 each month left for socialising. My best mate and I used to go to a really tacky disco for "singles" just because it had a happy hour with half price drinks. We would have a drink at home and spend £15 each fortnight going there. We would swap clothes (no money for new ones!) and just go out and have a laugh. I had no intention of meeting anyone, I had sworn off men and was emotionally wrung out after my disaster of a marriage, I was happily single, if a little lonely at times. I thought that was it for me, just a lifetime of working all hours and coming home to the cats for company.

I met my DH, a couple of years later (at the disco!) He is older than me, had been married and has kids by several different relationships. It was love at first sight really, and although I had never seen myself with children, we talked about having a baby and next thing I knew, I was pregnant and planning a wedding.

I had no idea that this would happen to me, I was quite prepared to have a relationship without strings, I really didn't want to think about settling down with anyone. DH was very patient, I was very defensive and not easy to get along with. But we have been married now for almost 15 years and now, I can't even remember what it's like to be single!

Wiggy, you are very young and you're recovering from years of being in a toxic relationship and from the associated abuse. You need to take time to realise what you want from life, it may not be a relationship now, or even in the next 5 years, but you will get over all of the !!!! in your life. You've had to grow up fast now that you have Wiglet but that's no bad thing, you're clearly very intelligent and mature and you will make a success of your life, you're doing so well now. It's perfectly normal to feel a little down and to be pessimistic about the future but things will settle and you will grow and flourish as you get older.

And there are worse things than being alone, as you well know.

duchy

Wiggy please don't feel you have to take Wiglet on holiday just because you refused your Mum's offer. Holidays are nice but he is really really not going to suffer or miss out not having one this year (looking at your pets thread)

wiggywoo9

Thank you

Duchy- I didn't think about that really, just had an email from Haven and was looking a local coach company who does day trips. Then I started trying to think of a way to have a cheap holiday with the dog in tow. No doubt it'll get to Aug and i'll try to think around it again! Certain times of the year make me think of different things- May is a month I want to go well as my wiglet will be three.

Anyway, this time last year all of this kicked off. So happy where we are now!