EMA - small rant

Oldernotwiser

oliverp wrote: »

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

EMAs are very tightly monitored and students lose money if they do not attend and get bonuses for excellent attendance. This is a really good incentive for young people from poorer families to continue their education and is to be applauded.
quote]

Hmm...student lives with his single parent with income less than £30k. The other parent still very much in contact with student, owns a large company and hands out money to student whenever. Student gets full EMA payment

Student lives with married parents on slightly above £30k income. Family works to support student. Student gets no EMA payment.

I don't call that tightly monitored.

When I said tightly monitored, I was referring to the students' attendance. Just because there may be loopholes, doesn't mean that it's not a good scheme. Nothing's perfect!

TheWaltons_3

EMA is a fantastic system. They only get it whilst they are in full time College, gaining the skills to get better jobs. £30 a week to a youngster is great encouragement for them to stay in college - drop out, drop £30.

I think it is unfair you expect this young girl to pay your mortgage for you too. I thought slavery was over in this country.

TheWaltons_3

diesel9181 wrote: »

im very glad my mum wasnt anything like you! just because you reach the age of 16 doesnt mean you no longer need the support of your parents. oh well only 14 years and you can ditch the boys and you can maybe emmigrate!!

:rotfl:

And get the second Mortgage paid for....

bestpud

I can see what you are saying about your daughter not wanting to come with you. I think some posters are being a little harsh here tbh as a 16 year old should not be able to dictate what an entire family does. If she was in her last year at school i'd say wait until she has finished but after that, no, the OP is entitled to move if it benefits the rest of the family.

However, that said, I think she may be a little immature to cope alone. The bit that worries me is her saying she will run away if you force her to go. That is not the mindset of someone who is taking living alone seriously. I think she knows you will sort something out for her and as hard as it is, you may be better off letting her find out for herself how the big bad world operates.

Now, had she gone away and found out what was about etc then said how about we try this for three months and I know I can move back with you if it doesn't work out, or words to that effect....

Personally I wonder how long it will be until your old house is known as the college party hall - seriously, what 16 year old would not live it up a lot if left to their own devices like that?

I'm speaking from some experience as my son has recently moved out and discovered things are not as rosy as they seem, but he is in the same town and staying with relatives, not miles away and completely alone! HIs 'fall' is cushioned somewhat.

My advice would be to tell her just what is available to her and let her ring around to check, just so she knows you're being truthful. If she is that set on supporting herself then it should not be you doing all the ringing around! Then maybe get some bills etc out and make her aware of what she may be taking on.

I can see you point about the EMA but, as said already, it is not designed to support youngsters in your daughters position. In this country at least, most things operate on the premise that children will stay at home until 18 at least - just the way it is.

bestpud

speranza wrote: »

Maybe stop having babies you feel you can't support and try supporting the teenager who probably needs you around now a lot more than she'd like you to think?? Your responsibility as her mother doesn't stop just because she's 16 - I'm 23 and can't imagine how I would've felt if my mum had left me on my own to study and support myself at that age! I realise I sound harsh, but I honestly am totally shocked you think this is an appropriate thing to do.

It is the daughter's choice to stay and the OP is not just upping sticks and telling her to get on with it!

Whatever the rights and wrongs of state support etc, the OP is actually trying to sort something out for her daughter, who says she is determined not to move with the rest of the family and she has that right at 16.

Personally, as my earlier post suggests, I think the OP is doing TOO much and should let her daughter find these facts out for herself.

speranza

It is not even so much that the OP is willing to leave her daughter alone - perhaps a very mature and sensible 16-year-old could handle that. It's more how totally blase she is about it that concerns me. I can't imagine there are that many mothers here who would even consider doing this, yet this OP just seems to want support for herself and if she can make some money out of her daughter, great.

And yes, I do think if the OP would stop having babies it would help, because she's stated multiple times that she needs support with them (despite having a partner and childcare already) and can't financially afford to help her daughter.

It just seems to me like a woman who's started a new family and doesn't want the reminder/financial expense of the old one. There is no mention of why her daughter is so against wanting to go, or how she *feels* (beyond the financial stuff, all of which OP is being totally unrealistic about) about being left alone.

I just keep thinking about how I would feel if I found a post like this from my mother and it would be terribly upsetting, not just for the content but for the *tone*.

Alikay

My daughter hasn't been getting EMA and DS1 (16) won't either. We know families where the kids use it to run cars, buy designer clothes etc, but also others who NEED it for their bus fares, college clothes etc. No financial support system is perfect - people are all different and have different needs. If EVERYONE got it, there'd be complaints because X needed more that Y, and uproar from the no-kids brigade who'd resent their taxes paying for it!

Try and rise above it zoezoe, you've got enough money for a couple of houses, and we all knew having kids wasn't going to be cheap didn't we?

Gemmzie

zoezoe wrote: »

:money:

No not at all. I simply wondered why a 16 year old who does not live at home would be peanalised for working when a 16 year old living at home can work and get the EMA.

I feel that the whole EMA thing it totally wrong. I dont believe that any 16 year old should get a £30 a week payout just because their parents are on low income. My personal opinion is that a 16 year old should get a jub to pay for expenses when going to college, and just because I have a so called high income (high mortgage and high childcare expensis) I cannot affort to give my daughter £30 a week.

I see no reason why a 16 year old living away from home should only get help if they receive IS. That is encouraging people not to work, which is the topic I was actually hoping to discuss as mentioned in my opening post.

I think the EMA is a terribly bad idea. Any 16 year old should get a job to earn £30 a week and not just get it handed to them.

EMA is there to encourage young people to be educated without having to do part-time work!

For every six hours paid work that is done outside of college a student's grades drops an average of a grade.

That is its purpose.

milkydrink

bestpud wrote: »

I can see what you are saying about your daughter not wanting to come with you. I think some posters are being a little harsh here tbh as a 16 year old should not be able to dictate what an entire family does. If she was in her last year at school i'd say wait until she has finished but after that, no, the OP is entitled to move if it benefits the rest of the family.

I don't think ANYONE on here is saying she shouldn't move (I'm not).

What I'm (& others) are saying is DON'T MOVE WITHOUT TAKING YOUR CHILD (& at 16 she is still a child) WITH YOU!!!!

TheWaltons_3

kimevans wrote: »

I don't think ANYONE on here is saying she shouldn't move (I'm not).

What I'm (& others) are saying is DON'T MOVE WITHOUT TAKING YOUR CHILD (& at 16 she is still a child) WITH YOU!!!!

She is a Minor.

From a Mothers point of view:

How would I feel if my 16 year old was Raped on her way home alone from a Nightclub, I had no idea she was going to?

Or got hit by a car... or got mugged... or was so desperately alone and starving she was depressed.

Or got into Drug Dealing... prostitution... to help pay bills... OR... someone had their eye on her because they knew she was a target.. groomed her.. knowing there is no Mum/Dad around to protect her?

You are leaving your CHILD in a big bad world all alone. I wouldn't contemplate that for one second.

Who cares about the EMA then?