fuming!!! need advice before i act

Spendless

Brewstersmum wrote: »

nothing hurts more than people asking why you don't attend school assemblies etc, half the time I don't know they are even happening because no one tells me. my daughter told me about a disco she went on and added on the end 'that's another thing you have missed'

Ask your childrens school if they are able to keep you informed of school events, eg do they send out texts? Do they have a regular newsletter you could have a copy of with diary dates on? Do they post info on their school website? My kids schoosl do all of those. Ok, if you are working f-time you won't be able to go to everything, but you could use some annual leave for some of them.

Brewstersmum

con1888 wrote: »

Is there a reason you can't work and have them be resident with you ? I know plenty of single parents who work and have custody of their children. I will be returning to work when I have my baby...

Just before moaning about things maybe think about how you can change them.

yes i work long hours and its not child friendly, i don't have the family support network to help me out and also the girls have always known their dad to take them to school so would be wrong to uproot them. There school is also a long way from where i live so if i do it its super early mornings.

poet123

Brewstersmum wrote: »

yes i work long hours and its not child friendly, i don't have the family support network to help me out and also the girls have always known their dad to take them to school so would be wrong to uproot them. There school is also a long way from where i live so if i do it its super early mornings.

Could you not move/change jobs to try to even out the living arrangements?

Houses and jobs are mobile, children grow up quickly and if you feel that you are missing out I would try to minimise that by changing those things which cause it.

FBaby

What exactly did she slag you off for? Because she thought the children had missed a meal? Why did she think that? Sounds to me like a big misunderstanding, maybe something the kids said because they were annoyed they didn't get to go to McDonald's?

Don't forget that forums are here for people to vant so they don't take it on people in the real world. She is entitled to think whatever she thinks. What matters is what she says to the kids.

I certainly wouldn't let what seems to be nothing else but a misunderstanding escalate to the point where discussions could end up much more detrimental to the kids. I totally agree that you are better off saying nothing and monitoring what she writes there. Anything that goes beyond what she feels or think, but did or say.

Brewstersmum

FBaby wrote: »

What exactly did she slag you off for? Because she thought the children had missed a meal? Why did she think that? Sounds to me like a big misunderstanding, maybe something the kids said because they were annoyed they didn't get to go to McDonald's?

.

the actual post says

'girls let down again, so sad. there mum told them shes taking them for lunch to turn round and say shes skint. sell one of your 6 cars then you stupid wench'

truth is i took them home for home cooked decent food as i hate macdonalds and never would of suggested fast food. as for the 6 cars, i have 1 normal car and a car that i rally professionally.

anyway the worm has turned. i contacted ex to ask for a meeting with him and his GF to be told he has asked her to move out as he is sick of her butting her nose in. when i told him what i wanted to meet him about, he said that he hoped i would never of seen that as his family have fell out with her for slagging me off on the internet.....i have no contact with his family but its nice to know they didn't agree with it either

Alikay

Brewstersmum wrote: »

the actual post says

'girls let down again, so sad. there mum told them shes taking them for lunch to turn round and say shes skint. sell one of your 6 cars then you stupid wench'

If you didn't give the girls the reason that you were skint, then I suspect they're playing the lot of you. Children get very good at this when there is tension between parties and although they may get their own way, it's not good for them at all. They need to know that all the adults involved are working together to meet their needs, and that the adults, not children are in control of the situation.

I bet your ex and his GF took the girls for a McDonalds the next day to compensate for your "failings". Result: Kids 1 - Adults 0

marisco_2

My advice would be to not respond to the views this woman has chosen to air so publicly. Keep in mind that when people behave in this way through social media, they inevitably do themselves most harm. Others become wary of them and over time begin to distance themselves. There is the saying 'listen to how someone speaks of others to you, as this is how they will speak to others about you'. You are in control of how much you allow her views to affect you. In this situation silence would be more powerful than having the last word.

paulineb_2

Alikay wrote: »

If you didn't give the girls the reason that you were skint, then I suspect they're playing the lot of you. Children get very good at this when there is tension between parties and although they may get their own way, it's not good for them at all. They need to know that all the adults involved are working together to meet their needs, and that the adults, not children are in control of the situation.

I bet your ex and his GF took the girls for a McDonalds the next day to compensate for your "failings". Result: Kids 1 - Adults 0

Tbh, I think the OP made totally the right call when it came to the lunch.

And it does look as if the adults arent working together and reading between the lines, the gf has magnified problems that might have been there already (Im not having a pop at the OP here, just saying that shes possibly not supported as she could be)

And if the ex and his gf took them for a mcdonalds the next day, well, if the OP does feel strongly about not feeding them junk, what they eat when they are elsewhere she cant control, but if she makes a decision that she feels is good for her kids, good for her

Also, I am aware kids will play one parent off against one another, but when a third party enters the mix and is negative, must just make life harder.

Pollycat

Put it into context.
It's just Facebook.

pelirocco

Brewstersmum wrote: »

we have been split for 3 years and both have new partners. my ex takes the children to school as I work so cant do it, he has them for most of the week days so it was inevitable that when he got a new partner she would be around them a lot. I HAD no problem with her as she has kids herself and my girls like her and are happy. I have no real problem with her not wanting to meet me as she doesn't have to BUT I wont be slagged off. im now wondering whether some of the things the girls have said to me recently have come from her mouth too.

I'm confused by the 'ex takes them to school ' ? Who do they live with?

You keep saying you can't do this or that with them because you work ........but most parents work and juggle child care and still get to attend at least some school stuff.