fuming!!! need advice before i act

maggy50

Speaking from experience I would advise just stepping back from this he said ... she said ... situation.
Its the children that are more worthy of attention.
As for on line comments on social media I would make it clear to your ex that you know and you are not happy with comments made.
Quite frankly it could escalate into something a little more than anyone could handle , especially as his new partner seems to be a little immature.

whitewing

Could the children have misunderstood the situation? Do they have someone who uses the same terminology to mean that they will go out to MacDonald's so the children thought they were going and looked forward to it? If it didn't happen they may be disappointed and then that has to be handled by the people they were with then?

I only ask as my ex used to say to DS that he may be over on Sunday. My DS always took that to mean that he would be over and would be in the garden from 7am if I'd let him to wait. It didn't matter how much I tried to let him down gently, he always expected something different. Children are funny things at times.

BitterAndTwisted

You need advice before you DON'T act. Rising to the bait will do nothing, except make what's already a poor situation even worse.

Stirring things up could result in your ex and his g/f withdrawing any help in getting your kids off to school and any other care they provide. Leaving you in the mire up to your earlobes and I suspect you probably don't want that to happen.

I suggest you sit tight and say absolutely nothing to anyone.

Brewstersmum

yvonne13 wrote: »

How did you find the thread? How do you know it's her that's wrote it?

Good for you cooking food from scratch for your children :T

my teenage son found it via a friend of his, its a facebook comment so yes its definitely her.

maman

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I prefer the say nothing but monitor what she's saying theory.....

If she knows you're on to her she'll be more careful and then you definitely won't know what she's saying

This is the advice I'd give too.

No one likes being slagged off but to copy behaviour you disapprove of isn't the right way to go IMO.

Perhaps next time you have the children you could make a point of telling them tactfully that you don't like McD's as it's not a very healthy place to eat (without referring to the thread). perhaps a different treat like the cinema with a healthy picnic might be a good idea then they'll be able to tell her what a great time they've had.

con1888

It's just her oppinion... and wether you agree with that or not it is what it is. You could perhaps try to arrange to meet up with her, speak over the phone and give your side of it.

We can't all like and agree with each other though and just need to live with these things. Had she said you were harming your kids or something then yes, time to act, but this isn't the case.

Brewstersmum

panagia wrote: »

This is the crux of it, isn't it. Resentment that the other woman is spending more time with your own children than you are.

She is judging you for "letting your kids down" and you are judging her for being a work-shy benefits claimant.

.

yes I will admit I resent the fact that she spends more time with my children that I do, but I also resent my ex for the same reason. the whole reason their dad took them to school in the first place is because I went back to work to provide for my family when my youngest was just 6 months old. nothing hurts more than people asking why you don't attend school assemblies etc, half the time I don't know they are even happening because no one tells me. my daughter told me about a disco she went on and added on the end 'that's another thing you have missed' but for me work is not an option, if I don't earn a living then I cant live. as I type my ex is on his 3rd holiday of the year and he has just bought a nice new car courtesy of tax credits for 4 children and the whole range of benefits available to them. wouldn't you be resentful??

con1888

Brewstersmum wrote: »

yes I will admit I resent the fact that she spends more time with my children that I do, but I also resent my ex for the same reason. the whole reason their dad took them to school in the first place is because I went back to work to provide for my family when my youngest was just 6 months old. nothing hurts more than people asking why you don't attend school assemblies etc, half the time I don't know they are even happening because no one tells me. my daughter told me about a disco she went on and added on the end 'that's another thing you have missed' but for me work is not an option, if I don't earn a living then I cant live. as I type my ex is on his 3rd holiday of the year and he has just bought a nice new car courtesy of tax credits for 4 children and the whole range of benefits available to them. wouldn't you be resentful??

Is there a reason you can't work and have them be resident with you ? I know plenty of single parents who work and have custody of their children. I will be returning to work when I have my baby...

Just before moaning about things maybe think about how you can change them.

balletshoes

Brewstersmum wrote: »

yes I will admit I resent the fact that she spends more time with my children that I do, but I also resent my ex for the same reason. the whole reason their dad took them to school in the first place is because I went back to work to provide for my family when my youngest was just 6 months old. nothing hurts more than people asking why you don't attend school assemblies etc, half the time I don't know they are even happening because no one tells me. my daughter told me about a disco she went on and added on the end 'that's another thing you have missed' but for me work is not an option, if I don't earn a living then I cant live. as I type my ex is on his 3rd holiday of the year and he has just bought a nice new car courtesy of tax credits for 4 children and the whole range of benefits available to them. wouldn't you be resentful??

how does being resentful of the situation help anyone though? new gf made a comment on facebook - big deal. its not worth retaliating, in any way.

paulineb_2

Brewstersmum wrote: »

yes I will admit I resent the fact that she spends more time with my children that I do, but I also resent my ex for the same reason. the whole reason their dad took them to school in the first place is because I went back to work to provide for my family when my youngest was just 6 months old. nothing hurts more than people asking why you don't attend school assemblies etc, half the time I don't know they are even happening because no one tells me. my daughter told me about a disco she went on and added on the end 'that's another thing you have missed' but for me work is not an option, if I don't earn a living then I cant live. as I type my ex is on his 3rd holiday of the year and he has just bought a nice new car courtesy of tax credits for 4 children and the whole range of benefits available to them. wouldn't you be resentful??

You need to separate how you feel about their lifestyle and what shes just done.

I grew up with a mum who worked full time, she had a break from working when I was about 7 and started again full time when I was 14, she worked the entire time my brother was growing up. You know what you know. Kids adapt.

If you are at work its obvious why you dont attend school assemblies, people need to mind their own, I bet you are far from the only parent at your kids school who works. I dont know the relationship you have with him, it seems you have shared care. But whatever your relationship is like, hes saving you money having the kids (and yes they are his kids too) and you say yourself you made the decision to work to give them a better life.

Yes it must be galling if people sit around on benefits while you are out grafting.

But if shes slagging you off, ask people not to tell you, its a ridiculous thing to be complaining about anyway, how you feed your kids, you know your kids are well looked after and thats all that matters.