fuming!!! need advice before i act

Brewstersmum

well in not typical BM style, I thought I would ask advice before I do anything.

ive just found a thread where my exs new gf is slagging me off saying ive let my kids down because I didn't take them for tea and im a stupid wench etc.....reality is I refuse to feed my kids crap food from macdonalds so on the night I took them for tea, I bought them home for some decent food instead.

I know I shouldn't let this get to me but its not on. I work damn hard to pay for my kids and I wont be slagged off whilst she gets to sit around on benefits (neither of them work) and get all the good times with my kids I miss out on due to work!

would you let them know I know what shes saying? in the 4 months she has been around, she has refused to meet me although I have asked to meet her been as though she lives with my children

FatVonD

I would let your ex know that you've seen it and you are not impressed but resist the urge (however strong!) to retaliate on the thread.

FatVonD

Or... you could keep quiet about it but now that you know where she posts keep an eye on it as it may make you privy to stuff they might otherwise keep from you.

You need to take some deep breaths, keep calm and use this to your advantage as I'm sure there must be one (even if you can't see it at the moment!)

Alikay

Why are you surprised she's judged you on your decision about what to give your children for tea, when you're being equally judgemental about her lifestyle?

It would be better to just agree to disagree and focus on the children. They'll have a worse time dealing with divided loyalties if they suss that you and their stepmum are at loggerheads.

fwiw, she won't see her role as "getting all the good times" while you work: She'll see it as you getting the fun special times while she copes with the everyday carp of looking after someone else's children (been there, done that as a foster carer).

POPPYOSCAR

Look at it this way.

Anybody seeing it who has any decency will only think badly of her and not you.

So in reality she is doing you a favour!

bagpussbear

FatVonD wrote: »

I would let your ex know that you've seen it and you are not impressed but resist the urge (however strong!) to retaliate on the thread.

Agree with this. Don't retaliate to her, but you need a strong word with your ex saying this isn't on. He's the one that should speak to her - do you think he knows what she is posting?

What made me feel a little uncomfortable in your post was the fact they are both looking after your kids despite her only being around for 4 months. If you don't feel she is a good influence, perhaps it might be idea to think about getting a registered childminder instead?

Brewstersmum

bagpussbear wrote: »

Agree with this. Don't retaliate to her, but you need a strong word with your ex saying this isn't on. He's the one that should speak to her - do you think he knows what she is posting?

What made me feel a little uncomfortable in your post was the fact they are both looking after your kids despite her only being around for 4 months. If you don't feel she is a good influence, perhaps it might be idea to think about getting a registered childminder instead?

we have been split for 3 years and both have new partners. my ex takes the children to school as I work so cant do it, he has them for most of the week days so it was inevitable that when he got a new partner she would be around them a lot. I HAD no problem with her as she has kids herself and my girls like her and are happy. I have no real problem with her not wanting to meet me as she doesn't have to BUT I wont be slagged off. im now wondering whether some of the things the girls have said to me recently have come from her mouth too.

bagpussbear

Brewstersmum wrote: »

we have been split for 3 years and both have new partners. my ex takes the children to school as I work so cant do it, he has them for most of the week days so it was inevitable that when he got a new partner she would be around them a lot. I HAD no problem with her as she has kids herself and my girls like her and are happy. I have no real problem with her not wanting to meet me as she doesn't have to BUT I wont be slagged off. im now wondering whether some of the things the girls have said to me recently have come from her mouth too.

Could be. She sounds immature if she doesn't want to meet you to be honest. And immature to slag you off to others! Have that conversation with you ex soon OP..

mountainofdebt

I prefer the say nothing but monitor what she's saying theory.....

If she knows you're on to her she'll be more careful and then you definitely won't know what she's saying

aridjis

Brewstersmum wrote: »

I work damn hard to pay for my kids and I wont be slagged off whilst she gets to sit around on benefits (neither of them work) and get all the good times with my kids I miss out on due to work!

This is the crux of it, isn't it. Resentment that the other woman is spending more time with your own children than you are.

She is judging you for "letting your kids down" and you are judging her for being a work-shy benefits claimant.

And in between the two of you are the children.

Other posters are right in saying that 4 months isn't that long for a new relationship. It's quite early for him to be introducing a new partner (step-mummy?). If it doesn't work out between them, there'll be more upheaval for the kids.

I'd (tentatively!) suggest clearing the air between you and the new partner, or at least agreeing to not say things in front of the childen/on an internet site! She does sound a bit immature.

yvonne13_2

Brewstersmum wrote: »

well in not typical BM style, I thought I would ask advice before I do anything.

ive just found a thread where my exs new gf is slagging me off saying ive let my kids down because I didn't take them for tea and im a stupid wench etc.....reality is I refuse to feed my kids crap food from macdonalds so on the night I took them for tea, I bought them home for some decent food instead.

I know I shouldn't let this get to me but its not on. I work damn hard to pay for my kids and I wont be slagged off whilst she gets to sit around on benefits (neither of them work) and get all the good times with my kids I miss out on due to work!

would you let them know I know what shes saying? in the 4 months she has been around, she has refused to meet me although I have asked to meet her been as though she lives with my children

How did you find the thread? How do you know it's her that's wrote it?

Good for you cooking food from scratch for your children :T