So confused. Need a chat

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I do not disagree with all of this, but there are ways and means, and making sweeping generalisations on the internet, put quite bluntly, isn't helping her at all either.

You say the MH health issues means OP needs help to deal with negatives - do you honestly believe your short (and not sweet) post did that?

Can't deal with things if everybody pretends they don't exist. And refusing to acknowledge them can mean the person on the receiving end of mental torture/abuse/screwing with their head can believe they are really losing the plot, when it's actually the case that they know deep down what's happening and they're understandably upset about it.

Sometimes depression comes out of the blue, sometimes it's reactive - and sometimes it's reacting to something they haven't realised is happening consciously. It's all too easy to blame the person who is depressed for not being 'the person they should be', when it can just as easily be the other person, who is responsible for their own thoughts and actions. Including when they hurt somebody, whether they want to or not, whether it's something inside them that has changed or whether the other person has changed.



I, like others, could be far blunter than this. Based upon experiences of both being in relationships and from friends. But messages like that on a night out, having already said the unpleasant things all week - they scream out 'I'm drunk and feeling sorry for myself'

duchy

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's more likely that he's drunk and been given the brush off by a couple of random girls.


Sorry.

Wow

How was Battersea ?

You are making sweeping and unhelpful assumptions- just because someone did that to you doesn't mean it's the case for the OP.

Confusedheart

Hi,

It's me again.

No I don't think there's a chance that he's seeing anyone else/trying to.

He's really not that type and I'm the only person he's ever been with.
I trust him 100% not to be cheating.

I do think its a possibility that he's depressed. He's often made remarks that he believes he's schizophrenic. I'm not an expert so I wouldn't know, but he seems okay to me?

He's asked his parents to have LO Tuesday night so we can go out for a meal and a couple drinks, but (if this makes sense) I'm numb now and don't really care anymore. Yes I'm sad n it's killing me emotionally. But I don't care.

He's working lates tonight so I've got another night worth of thinking. Sadly I'm starting to lean towards just packing up and going.

marisco_2

I am very sorry to hear you are going through such a horrible time right now. I can relate to reaching the numbness stage toward a partner. You will most likely experience all manner of emotions, as you work through your feelings and make a decision about your future. My advice is to talk everything out and don't bottle up issues. Whether that be with trusted friends and family or people on here. Getting things clear in your mind before addressing them with your partner will help you.

Confusedheart

Thanks.

Yeah I was at work earlier and speaking about it made it sound 100x easier.

To be honest I'm going to be sad to lose him. But it's got to be much worse now if I'm constantly going to be wondering what he's feeling. You all give good advice. I just need to be brave and take it.

I will go out for the meal and drinks Tuesday but il keep it in mind that Tuesday is 'make or break'. I won't be messed around after then.

bobthebuilder2006

im sorry see my thread, "we need space" https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4719667

its deffo not good news, go with ur gut, - something isnt right, happened to me, - its still hard, but you can go crazy hanging on to something that isnt there....

Scorpio33

My opinion is that he doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you.

The problem is that he has been in a relationship with you for a while, so it is basically the only thing he knows. So he wants a relationship as it is what he knows. He is scared of being single, but knows he doesn't love you.

The thing is you are who you are. Him asking you to change is like him asking you to not be yourself. You are who you are and if he can't accept that, that's his loss.

The other thing is that all relationships go through bad patches - but if every time things get tough he tells you he doesn't love you, then he is not worth your time or effort.

You will find something better - I know that is hard to beleive, especially with a child by this man. But you need to do what is right in the long term - it is not good bringing up a child in an environment where the two of you are not happy.

Doda555

Confusedheart wrote: »

Thanks

It's just so out of the blue. Part of me knows why. He's recently started a new job where everyone is single. Can afford to blow £300 on a night out, we've been together since teens so he's never had the 'single life' if you know what I mean.

I know he resents me because I'm careful with money. We are slowly becoming debt free. So I budget him £50 max for a night out (would have been more but he insists on getting new playstation games). He has mentioned a few times that he works hard so should be able to spend what he wants.

He's gone out tonight n I'm getting the I miss you texts. It's like we can't live together but can't live apart.

If a man resents you because you are careful with money for both your sakes, then he simply doesn't know what he has. I think you need to get out of the house though. Meet up with friends more, do things for yourself, even if they cost a bit more than you are comfortable spending. I am telling you, the only way he will see what he has, is if he sees he might lose it. What if he is surrounded by singles, you might as well surround yourself with people who care about you and wouldn't mind helping you deal with that. Just focus on yourself, it's the best break you can take, considering you live together. You know what they say: don't hate the player, change the game. Good luck!

hgotsparkle

If he doesn't know what he wants then you're forever going to be in fear or if he loves you or not.