So confused. Need a chat

mucklebones

Wow anyone that can hurt you that bad cant be called a partner.

Love you, miss you, dont love you, need space. Too emo for me. Find strength through your son and start calling the shots yourself.

Send him off to his parents, when and if he decides to stop being a prat you might consider talking to him. (Would not myself.. damage is done)

Pretty sure he might regret this one day but some people only learn the hard way.

Please dont allow him to treat you this way. Good luck. x

fedup.com_2

Hi confused heart
My heart goes out to you at this confusing time for you. I would echo everyone else and try and be firm and take back some power for yourself, don't let him hold all the cards as much as you love him.

I too have been where you are my ex husband told me 6 years ago he didn't know whether he loved me no more, at that time we had been together over 18 years.
He decided we could work it out if I did/changed all that he asked and I did change myself to suit him. Then he would say we were fine and he loved me again.
Two years later the same again by now I was half the person I was as I lost all my self esteem and was still trying to please him so that he wouldn't leave but that didn't work either .
The following year he changed and was promising all sorts and I truly believed him but 3 1/2 years after first telling me he left anyway. So all the trying was for nothing and all he had done was hurt me so much emotionally and left me on my knees.
When I look back now I see it was him who was scared and ultimately by trying to be someone I wasn't I lost him anyway.

Please don't allow him to hold all the cards save some for yourself incase you ever need them. And look after you and the little one.

maintenanceman

Haven't read the full thread but the "i love you" tihng happen during or after an intimate relationship of sorts. It's a long shot, but if that's so sorry you have to give it up.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Confusedheart wrote: »

Thanks

It's just so out of the blue. Part of me knows why. He's recently started a new job where everyone is single. Can afford to blow £300 on a night out, we've been together since teens so he's never had the 'single life' if you know what I mean.

I know he resents me because I'm careful with money. We are slowly becoming debt free. So I budget him £50 max for a night out (would have been more but he insists on getting new playstation games). He has mentioned a few times that he works hard so should be able to spend what he wants.

He's gone out tonight n I'm getting the I miss you texts. It's like we can't live together but can't live apart.

It's more likely that he's drunk and been given the brush off by a couple of random girls.


Sorry.

Scorpio_girlie

Hi

Sorry to hear you are having such a crap time.

Do you think he could also be depressed? It sounds like you have had money problems / having a little one / you having depression / showing no affection.

I am not making excuses for his behaviour at the moment, because there isn't any excuse. However, he sounds very confused to me and it could be the result of depression. Would he be willing to see his GP and also some counselling may be helpful.

I hope that you are able to get this all sorted out soon.

SG
x

duchy

My ex husband went through this - we were married with a young son and he went to work at a place where everyone was single -lots of socializing after work - all encouraged by the company. He was dazzled by it and he did struggle with the contrast between the working hard and playing hard culture at work and then coming home to responsibilities (and a wife who was at times majorly peed off that I'd been left sitting at home whilst he was out having a good time -I'm not the clingy type by any means but he got the balance way wrong -all this of course is with hindsight)

I think he really doesn't know what he does want...... I think he loves you but is finding the responsibility of a family hard- especially if you are at home so he's the only breadwinner and is mixing with a carefree bunch who can do what they like when they want without worrying about bills, kids, etc.(or at least that is the impression they give-it may not be the whole truth)

I think you need to sit him down calmly and say that you do understand he might feel he missed out on that "carefree" period (but point out that you did too) and say he has options, one is to make a choice between the two lifestyles eg all or nothing -or work together as a couple to find the balance - where he gets the best of both worlds-some socialising with his new mates but also time as a family -but (and this is important) finding time to be a couple as well as a family which most couples with a toddler tend to neglect.

Don't issue ultimatums - and keep talking - It sounds like you've hit a bad patch but you obviously still both care for each other which is what you both need to keep in mind whilst getting through this.

emsywoo123

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's more likely that he's drunk and been given the brush off by a couple of random girls.


Sorry.

I often like what you say, but sometimes I think you do not come across well. And adding "sorry" at the end really doesn't imply that you are sorry, nor does it soften the blow of your message!

I agree, it doesn't look good, but the OP has been referred for a mental health assessment FGS. Show a bit of sensitivity woman! :mad:

globetraveller

Edit- removed first part. oh has read it now. Personal info taken out- edit

And although folks are trying to be kind and not mention the obvious- I will. Are you worried about what is happening when he socialises? Right now, you probably have thoughts of not being good enough so it would be understandable if you were worried. (Been there, done that).
Have you sat him down and told him how you feel being on your own with a 2 year old? Suggest you go out as a couple. Now, if you are at the stage where the last thing you want to do is go out in public and socialise, then perhaps he could use some of his going out money for a babysitter, or even better ask one of his relatives/friends to take child, and have a nice meal and bottle of wine at home.
Even if you do think this is just a blip, find out where you stand if you split. Find out what you can claim or what help you can get. I can't help there but, let's face it, you are in the right place to get that help.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I often like what you say, but sometimes I think you do not come across well. And adding "sorry" at the end really doesn't imply that you are sorry, nor does it soften the blow of your message!

I agree, it doesn't look good, but the OP has been referred for a mental health assessment FGS. Show a bit of sensitivity woman! :mad:

Telling somebody what they probably want to hear isn't the kindest thing to do. And needing MH treatment doesn't mean blithely ignoring the negatives in life; it's needing help to deal with them, because it doesn't turn somebody into a fragile little flower who can't possibly cope with reality.


He's messing around with her head; his doing that unchallenged will hurt more in the long run than anything I can say.


And I am sorry, it's always sad when relationships go this way and somebody gets hurt. I'd far rather that nobody experienced mental illness or physical illness and everybody lived happily ever after - but life isn't a fairy story. Pretending it is would be unfair to those who find out it isn't, if nothing else because they feel alone, as though its never happened to anybody else and they're the only person in that situation.

emsywoo123

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Telling somebody what they probably want to hear isn't the kindest thing to do. And needing MH treatment doesn't mean blithely ignoring the negatives in life; it's needing help to deal with them, because it doesn't turn somebody into a fragile little flower who can't possibly cope with reality.


.

I do not disagree with all of this, but there are ways and means, and making sweeping generalisations on the internet, put quite bluntly, isn't helping her at all either.

You say the MH health issues means OP needs help to deal with negatives - do you honestly believe your short (and not sweet) post did that?