So confused. Need a chat

Confusedheart

I don't have family to go to. OH has.

Only problem with that is that I feel I need company. It's the sitting at home with baby in bed that gets me down.

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

I don't have family to go to. OH has.

Only problem with that is that I feel I need company. It's the sitting at home with baby in bed that gets me down.

Better to be on your own than with company with someone who is behaving like he is.

And you wont be short of company always, there are always ways of getting out and meeting people, even with a small child.

monty-doggy

Pauline is totally right.

Your son isn't good enough reason to stay with someone who treats you like this. Your son will pick up on it and remember his childhood where his parents rowed and there was an atmosphere.

It's better for him to have two parents that love him, and can be amicable apart, than growing up in a loveless unhappy home.

You deserve better, don't make excuses for him.

Confusedheart

Thanks

Just talking makes it feel that little bit better

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

Thanks

Just talking makes it feel that little bit better

Its ok to love people who arent treating you the way you should be, you have emotions and history, youve been together for a long time.

When my ex told me he wasnt in love with me anymore, I was devasted, I can still remember how bad I felt, then he told me he did love me, but in hindsight things werent the same again.

When he broke up with me (twice), he spent a lot of years turning up at my door saying he was sorry (usually alcohol was involved), that he loved me. But he didnt love me enough.

And Im not saying thats the same for you, but that guy also broke up with me because his mate was single and he wanted to be single, didnt find that out till much much later.

Its devastating to be told that someone who you love doesnt love you anymore and its terrible having to spend time with someone waiting to see if they are ever going to say it again.

It is mental cruelty as far as Im concerned. Its cruel, its cruel because I bet the person pulling the strings knows how much it will hurt someone when they say it.

If he really does not want a future with you, then let him put his money where his mouth is and leave. To stay and say, you need to do this and you need to do that and then I might love you but it might be too late.

If its too late, so be it. It will hurt like hell but you'll work through it and even if you are on your own, you'll still both be parents to your child and even if you are single for a while, lonely, unhappy, at least your emotions will be on an even keel and you wont be sitting crying over a pc because someone is treating you really badly.

Even if people on here have differing points of view, there are a lot of people on here who can give you support if you need it.

Its absolutely your call. But please dont put up with being manipulated like this for too long, because I guarantee if he continues on like this, you'll get more upset.

And how upset is he if hes out tonight? Really awful, to treat you like this all week and then go out and leave you on your own. His priority should be socialising with you and if you both want nights out (yes, you should be able to get out while he babysits) either on your own or together, it should be after you sort this situation out and not before.

Just my view.

monty-doggy

Pauline, you are so kind. Reading your words makes me realise the entire world isn't crappy.

paulineb_2

monty-doggy wrote: »

Pauline, you are so kind. Reading your words makes me realise the entire world isn't crappy.

Thats nice of you to say.

Life is tough sometimes, sure lots of us on here know that.

I couldnt be with someone who said anything like that to me, but thats because I have been and I know how rough it was.

Going to sound like an old chestnut but if he really does care and hes just confused and unsettled by this new job, going for some counselling either apart or together might help.

This way isnt the answer.

OP, I really hope things work out for you ok one way or another.

Let people know how you are.

Confusedheart

Pauline, thanks you really do talk a lot of sense.

I worry hel call my bluff if I leave though. It will just destroy me though. Broke down to the doctor the other day and I've been referred for a mental health assessment so this really can't be helping.

I think the only way I could leave would be to have a complete break for a few weeks, but like everyone says by boyfriend holds the cards. We live in 'his' flat legally so if we leave we literally have nowhere to go.

I so wish I was a kid again. Life was so easy and I didn't even know it.

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

Pauline, thanks you really do talk a lot of sense.

I worry hel call my bluff if I leave though. It will just destroy me though. Broke down to the doctor the other day and I've been referred for a mental health assessment so this really can't be helping.

I think the only way I could leave would be to have a complete break for a few weeks, but like everyone says by boyfriend holds the cards. We live in 'his' flat legally so if we leave we literally have nowhere to go.

I so wish I was a kid again. Life was so easy and I didn't even know it.

Hes said he wants to go to his parents for a few days, its been already suggested. Ask him to do that for a few days to give you both space.

Check out your entitlement to housing before you make any decision about where to go.

People do get housed after relationship break ups and it might not come to that, but get some advice. And it might not be a bad idea to get some legal advice as well, even if its just online.

You have no family you can go to, he does, so as hes already said thats what he wants to do, if this continues, just ask him to go there for a while to give you and him space, because you cant have space from one another while you are living under the same roof.

Do you have any friends that could let you stay even for a short while if he doesnt want to go for a bit?

If he calls your bluff, then you have your answer, either he wants to have a future or he doesnt, its the indecision thats causing all the problems and the effect on you as well.

Confusedheart

Thanks,

Il give everything a go.

I'm going to try to sleep now before he gets in. I just haven't got the strength for an argument tonight,

Il update in a week or so just where we are at

Thanks for the much needed company

Xx