So confused. Need a chat

Confusedheart

Hi,

I'm sorry but I've done the usual (made a new profile so I'm not recognised). I'm a regular lurker and occasional poster.

I think I need a chat more than anything.

Thursday last week my boyfriend randomly decided to tell me that he doesn't love me anymore. This was totally out of the blue and completely knocked me for six.

Friday - after ignoring me all day whilst at work, texts me to say that he doesn't love me and that he's been unhappy for years. There was a family party on Saturday that had been pre arranged and meant a weekend away. He asked me to come anyway as he didn't want to ruin the day for relatives.

During Saturday we really got along, we laughed like we used to. A group of guys approached me (only asking for a ciggie) n OH got totally defensive.

Sunday - again a great day. He came home and stayed the night.

Monday - he told me he needed space to work out his feelings so was going to his parents for a few days.

Tuesday - again told me he doesn't love me and that he never even thought of me overnight. Around midday he decides he wants to give the relationship another go, that he loves me a tiny bit but that I need to change. (I totally admit I've not shown him any attention over the past year or so, I've got depression and struggle with everything)

Wednesday - we have a good day together, he goes to work (2-10) then comes home n we sat n had a drink together n discussed everything. He says he can see that I'm trying, but he's not sure if its too late.

Thursday - he wakes up n tells me he loves me. He's been showing affections all day. Goes to work, texts to say he's missing me.

Today - we are back to the 'don't rush this' 'I need space'. 'I love you but I want to take this slowly'.

So here's where I'm at.. My head is totally confused. I can't stop crying. I'm emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. I don't know where I'm at. We also have an almost 2 year old.

So what I'm basically getting at is, if any of you have been in this sort of situation what happened? Or what would you do?

Thanks
Xx

paulineb_2

Id accept that the relationship isnt healthy and take a break

I love you, I dont love you. Not good enough really.

Confusedheart

I think if we didn't have a son it would be simple.

I think I'm so much better with other people's problems

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

I think if we didn't have a son it would be simple.

I think I'm so much better with other people's problems

Yes, but its not healthy to stay with someone who is messing with your head. You dont fall in and out of love with someone in a day.

Its not a good sign. I was with someone who told me after a minor disagreement that he didnt love me anymore. I wish I had left him there and then.

To sit and have to wait for someone to say, yes I do love you in the middle of them saying, no I dont love you, its mental cruelty.

If hes confused about his feelings, then maybe some time away will help him and help you as well, you really cant go on like this.

balletshoes

i think you both need to take a break - be separate from each other for a while, and not to-ing and fro-ing like this every couple of days.

Its no wonder your head is messed up.

Confusedheart

Can I ask a silly question, because I know it should be obvious but it's not.

How do you find the strength to walk away from someone that you want to be with so badly?

In my head I know I need to. My heart is just saying no.

Xx

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

Can I ask a silly question, because I know it should be obvious but it's not.

How do you find the strength to walk away from someone that you want to be with so badly?

In my head I know I need to. My heart is just saying no.

Xx

I dont know, all I know is if you stay with someone who is clear he doesnt love you anymore or saying one day he does and one day he doesnt, in the end, it will make you really unhappy.

You deserve better than that, we all do.

balletshoes

Confusedheart wrote: »

Can I ask a silly question, because I know it should be obvious but it's not.

How do you find the strength to walk away from someone that you want to be with so badly?

In my head I know I need to. My heart is just saying no.

Xx

i'm not saying walk away forever.
but i'll tell you what - i would never ever say to my OH "I don't love you anymore" unless I was 100% sure I meant it. So it would floor me, and I'd believe it was over, if my OH ever said that to me.

nearlyrich

Confusedheart wrote: »

Can I ask a silly question, because I know it should be obvious but it's not.

How do you find the strength to walk away from someone that you want to be with so badly?

In my head I know I need to. My heart is just saying no.

Xx

It is the hardest thing to do, if it's over you will have to get over him and one day it won't hurt anymore, complicated as you have a child and you will have to see him when he picks him up and drops him off.

I can remember a close friend of mine who was pregnant and dumped by her husband a few days before Christmas she said she would never stop loving him. Last time we discussed him she said I really can't remember what I found attractive about him.

Think about what you want and of course what is right for the child he doesn't get to make all the decisions and by the time he realises he does want you he might find you have moved on.

Confusedheart

Thanks

It's just so out of the blue. Part of me knows why. He's recently started a new job where everyone is single. Can afford to blow £300 on a night out, we've been together since teens so he's never had the 'single life' if you know what I mean.

I know he resents me because I'm careful with money. We are slowly becoming debt free. So I budget him £50 max for a night out (would have been more but he insists on getting new playstation games). He has mentioned a few times that he works hard so should be able to spend what he wants.

He's gone out tonight n I'm getting the I miss you texts. It's like we can't live together but can't live apart.

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

Thanks

It's just so out of the blue. Part of me knows why. He's recently started a new job where everyone is single. Can afford to blow £300 on a night out, we've been together since teens so he's never had the 'single life' if you know what I mean.

I know he resents me because I'm careful with money. We are slowly becoming debt free. So I budget him £50 max for a night out (would have been more but he insists on getting new playstation games). He has mentioned a few times that he works hard so should be able to spend what he wants.

He's gone out tonight n I'm getting the I miss you texts. It's like we can't live together but can't live apart.

Thats just nonsense sorry. The I miss you texts are just another way of messing with your head.

I speak from experience on that one. If someone really does love you, they dont ever say I dont love you.