So confused. Need a chat

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

Thanks

It's just so out of the blue. Part of me knows why. He's recently started a new job where everyone is single. Can afford to blow £300 on a night out, we've been together since teens so he's never had the 'single life' if you know what I mean.

I know he resents me because I'm careful with money. We are slowly becoming debt free. So I budget him £50 max for a night out (would have been more but he insists on getting new playstation games). He has mentioned a few times that he works hard so should be able to spend what he wants.

He's gone out tonight n I'm getting the I miss you texts. It's like we can't live together but can't live apart.

Hes started a job where everyone else is single and hes never had the single life? What does he expect. He chose to make a life with you. He might just find out very sooner that the grass isnt always greener on his own.

Please, if you really do want to stay with this man you are going to have to make it clear, no repeat of the last week, you cant put up with it.

[Deleted User]

Sit down together and talk things through, find out where these feelings have come from and if you are both prepared to work things out, what you both want from the relationship both now and in the future and if you genuinely love each other.

Also make it clear that it is unacceptable to be messing with your feelings in the way that he is.

paulineb_2

Also after a week of giving you grief, hes gone out and you are home with the wee one? Priorities, he doesnt sound like he knows what they are.

Confusedheart

Thanks.

It all seems clearer when someone else says it.

The tears are stopped now so maybe it's getting through

Xx.

paulineb_2

Take this slowly? He lives with you for gods sake. He loves you a tiny bit but you need to change? Can I ask, do you spend most of your time at home with the wee one while he works? You have a two year old kid, you are exhausted, Im not surprised.

Let him go to his parents to work out his feelings. Hes been unhappy for years but he had a child with you?

Let him go, give yourself a bit of space and he can have all the space he needs, either he will come back or he wont, but I guarantee you, anything will be better than this constant I love you, I dont love you, I love you a bit.

tesuhoha

Well, I always go by the old simple saying or whatever it is.

If you love someone, let them go and if it is meant to be, they will come back to you.

It makes sense, if you try to hang on he will fight to escape from you or keep you in the agony of doubt. If you let him go then he won't be able to play you anymore and if he is free to go then he will realise what it is he really wants.

Firefly

paulineb wrote: »

Id accept that the relationship isnt healthy and take a break

I love you, I dont love you. Not good enough really.

Paulineb gives good advice.

paulineb_2

Confusedheart wrote: »

Thanks

It's just so out of the blue. Part of me knows why. He's recently started a new job where everyone is single. Can afford to blow £300 on a night out, we've been together since teens so he's never had the 'single life' if you know what I mean.

I know he resents me because I'm careful with money. We are slowly becoming debt free. So I budget him £50 max for a night out (would have been more but he insists on getting new playstation games). He has mentioned a few times that he works hard so should be able to spend what he wants.

He's gone out tonight n I'm getting the I miss you texts. It's like we can't live together but can't live apart.

You dont need to spend £50 on a night out, I mean he doesnt. Id be lucky if I spend £300 a year socialising and I do go out. Your debts do need to take priority and that doesnt mean you cant have a social life.

But the old working hard so he can spend what he wants argument would be much better if you didnt have any debt. Or a child who needs things.

A new job with single people really shouldnt shake the foundations of your relationship, dare I say it, hes sounds a tad immature.

kelpie35

Do you have any family that you and your DS could go to for a week to give you a break and have some time on your own to clear your head.

I do understand the feelings you are having with regards to you still loving your OH but know it is not a healthy relationship you are in at the moment.

I think you need to focus on yourself and your DS and to be able to do that is remove yourself from your present situation for a short period of time.

Scrapaholic

Reading that he has a new job , everyone is single and can go out and spend money . He can't because he has responsibilities and a family . He's mixing with people who have what you say he didn't experience , the single life . It could be that he's temporarily unsettled with his life . I think it's cruel to mess you about telling you he loves you then he doesn't love you . However he's coming and going as he likes and you're there when he wants you . When he doesn't want you you're left wondering where you stand with him . I know you love him but could you be strong enough not to let yourself be used by him whenever he decides he'd like to be with you . He's calling all the shots , you're waiting for him to decide . Let him know you're not going to be used , be less available and it might give him enough of a shock to realise what he'll lose . Stand up for yourself , you shouldn't be treated this way .