The "we need space" thread

bobthebuilder2006

Not to sure if any of my mates go on this, but if they do its clear who I am but oh well just feel like getting peoples views and telling my story

I've been with my "ex" for 5 years, and they've just recently moved in, we do argue, but thats just how we are together, we've had bad times and good times.

knowing they was moving in, i did everything to make them comfortable house wise, i do earn more money but would always make sure they was happy

now im not perfect, can come across lazy and sarcastic but i always mean well

anyway, last friday OH was going to a party (that i wasn't too happy about due to a certain person being there) but i'd never stop anyone doing what they want

cut a long story shut, got blanked all nite and had murder that nite / next day, really !!!!ed off i stayed at a friends house the saturday nite

come back sunday to try sort things out, and all of a sudden they want to stay at their "mates", i think ok, lets clear our head's

gets to wednesday still no real signs of progressing, OH comes round we sort of have a chat, dont want them to leave but they did anyway, OH "wanting space"

me being silly logged on to OH account on pc and they'd left FB logged in, find messages they was asking for someone elses number

i go mad certain something is going on, confront and get told usual stuff "nothing is going on, you just went missing saturday etc"

heads completely battered thursday and friday, other half still wants "space" now im not stupid, all the signs are on the wall, thought i'd give it till weekend,

things drag out, gets to sunday, i completely lose the plot, pack everything to do with this person and dump it on the path of the house their staying in

i know its over now, and probably for best, but just wondering has anyone else been in this situation, i know things have probably pushed her away and she's probably had a spark with this other guy, but throwing 5 years, an engagment, house and future together seams harsh, but what will be will be,

still denying anything is going on, i set out some people to find out if anythings going on, ex finally admits, they've been out a couple times after break but nothing serious has happened

just feels harsh after 5 years, so soon she'd show an interest in someone else

maybe its been coming a long time, just harsh when it hits you out the blue eh?

could of been worse i suppose....

DUTR

I will let the other respondants tell you what you want to hear, but reading the post, the writing was on the wall long ago, and it was clear it was never meant to be.

Netwizard

So to get this straight if i'm reading it right, your girlfriend went to a party that another man was attending and you suspect there is things going on between them, and now you find your suspicions to be correct?

as above, its probably been happening for a while before the party.

Harsh to find out, and it wont feel like it now, but your better rid of her. Move on with your life and find someone that wont cheat on you.

/edit - just to say I think this whole "we need space" thing that women come out with is code for "just need to test drive someone else but still want you on the back burner if test drive of new man fails"

Don't know why they don't just have the balls to say "its over, I'm seeing someone else". I would at least then respect their honestly, rather than being strung along under the illusion it might work in future.

bobthebuilder2006

you always want what u cant have eh lol

netwizard, no nothing has definitely been happening before because she was living miles away and i know she had no contact with him, but he is known as a nob head, trying things on etc

but since that party she come out with this need space !!!!, and i wasn't having non of it, i completely agree, i basically think it means, im seein how things go with "new person", so i flipped threw all her stuff out, i do feel a little bad as her family live miles away and this is the second time she has give up her home to to move down here, but im not being taken for a mug, she made her bed wanting to stay in her mates, so im not being dragged along

im not one for messing around and think i proved myself in my actions

thing is i KNEW something must of been happening, it wasn't until i said i have people in area asking stuff so i will find out and there would be murder if i'd been lied to, did she admit they'd been out a couple times since us splitting, i really wasn't too arsed at this point, i just wanted to know to prove i wasn't going crazy!

like u said, i'd rather people man up and just say rather than drag things out!

Netwizard

bobthebuilder2006 wrote: »

thing is i KNEW something must of been happening, it wasn't until i said i have people in area asking stuff so i will find out and there would be murder if i'd been lied to, did she admit they'd been out a couple times since us splitting, i really wasn't too arsed at this point, i just wanted to know to prove i wasn't going crazy!

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of getting irate and angry. She has lied to you before, she will do it again.

Chucking her stuff out is a little harsh, but probably easy to do in the heat of the moment.

Although her family live miles away, I'm sure she can go and stay at her "mates" house again.

I guess in situations like this, go with your gut feeling. If you suspect stuff like this is going on, then it probably is, but be the better man. Try not to get angry or slag her off. Let her get her stuff and go. Crack on with your life like you don't care. That will p!ss her off more than anything

bobthebuilder2006

Netwizard wrote: »

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of getting irate and angry. She has lied to you before, she will do it again.

Chucking her stuff out is a little harsh, but probably easy to do in the heat of the moment.

Although her family live miles away, I'm sure she can go and stay at her "mates" house again.

I guess in situations like this, go with your gut feeling. If you suspect stuff like this is going on, then it probably is, but be the better man. Try not to get angry or slag her off. Let her get her stuff and go. Crack on with your life like you don't care. That will p!ss her off more than anything

yer since i threw all stuff out i've felt better and left it, shes been at her mates house since that party (who happens to be the sister of this lad) ive just left it as that, not going to bother her, i have a good family and good friends, and it comes in waves how i feel, just gonna cut all contact- wont even bother getting angry with this other lad, best just leaving things all together now !!

Netwizard

bobthebuilder2006 wrote: »

not going to bother her, i have a good family and good friends, and it comes in waves how i feel, just gonna cut all contact- wont even bother getting angry with this other lad, best just leaving things all together now !!

Best way mate Good luck with everything :beer:

victory

We 'need space' the classis, 'I think I have met someone else but not sure about it all yet so if I don't cut all ties and just say 'I need space' I have left the door open to come back if the grass is not greener:eek:

pukkamum

I told my then boyfriend I needed space when I came back from a girls holiday, what I actually meant was that I had met and been sleeping with pukkadad for 2 weeks and wanted to be with him.
Looking back I should have just told him, by trying not to hurt his feelings he ended up even more hurt when he thought we were just having a break and I was with someone else.
Thank your lucky stars you aren't married with kids.

Gigglepig

Sorry OP but I think your behaviour does not sound very nice at all, if my boyfriend treated me like that I would be very put off and think he did not care for me. May I ask how old you are?

From your post it sounds like all your ex did was go to a party, which made you jelaous?

You on the other hand stayed out over night. Did you tell her you were going to a mate's and would be back tomorrow so she didn't have to worry about you? and even threw her stuff out... Just like that. you also say you are lazy and sarcastic, and that you checked her private messages.

It all sounds pretty immature to me and that this sort of behaviour would likely push any girlfriend away. So even if you don't want to be with this person, might be worth trying to address these issues so it does not happen again in the future.

sulkisu

bobthebuilder2006 wrote: »

you always want what u cant have eh lol

netwizard, no nothing has definitely been happening before because she was living miles away and i know she had no contact with him, but he is known as a nob head, trying things on etc

but since that party she come out with this need space !!!!, and i wasn't having non of it, i completely agree, i basically think it means, im seein how things go with "new person", so i flipped threw all her stuff out, i do feel a little bad as her family live miles away and this is the second time she has give up her home to to move down here, but im not being taken for a mug, she made her bed wanting to stay in her mates, so im not being dragged along

im not one for messing around and think i proved myself in my actions

thing is i KNEW something must of been happening, it wasn't until i said i have people in area asking stuff so i will find out and there would be murder if i'd been lied to, did she admit they'd been out a couple times since us splitting, i really wasn't too arsed at this point, i just wanted to know to prove i wasn't going crazy!

like u said, i'd rather people man up and just say rather than drag things out!

She went out with another man, after you had split up? I am not surprised that she didn't mention it. First, because if you had separated, what she did was none of your business and likewise, what you did during that time was none of hers. Secondly, some parts of your post make you sound quite angry, nasty and aggressive (sorry if I've got that wrong).

On the one hand you say that nothing happened, but then you say that you know something happened. You 'set people out' to find out if she has been cheating and you check her FB. She tells you nothing is going on, but 'you go mad' anyway. She leaves and asks for space - probably a good idea so that you can both calm down and you 'lose the plot'.

Sounds like you both have issues and this was not a healthy relationship. You can't do anything about her issues, but you can work on yours. You started by nonchalantly describing yourself as 'lazy and sarcastic' - changing that would be a good place to start as no woman in her right mind would find those 'qualities' attractive.

ETA - 'I need space' can sometimes mean just that, nothing more nothing less.