Advice on DS meeting GF

lincsdan86

Sorry I haven't been back on to reply, work, damn it! lol

DS sleeps like a log, sleeping through thunder storms, loud music and shelves falling off the walls (suction shelves in the bathroom, any advice on getting them to stay put would be appreciated).

My sons opinion means the world to me and I don't think I could bare it if after being in a relationship for 6months + that he turns around and doesn't get on with them because that would be the end of the relationship.

From the other side, any person that I am with would have to be able to appreciate that DS is the main part of my life and be able to gel, so equally my gf would have to get on with ds, because we come together, as a package, there is no me without him.

I think the original plan of introducing as a friend at the fireworks/funfair is what we are going to go for, it takes the attention anyway from the meet and also builds positive memories for ds (hopefully).

With regard to sneaking gf in and out, that isn't by design it just happens that with work and her horses she doesn't get to mine before his bedtime and goes to the gym before work in the morning when not sorting the horses so leaves before he normally wakes up, but like previously said this may not continue after this week for the foreseeable.

We are spending the weekend together, so will no more about the dynamics of the relationship and how we both feel after that.

The school that DS goes to are aware of the situation with regard to ds mother and her relatively new partner and child on the way and will be informed accordingly if my relationship continues.

19lottie82

Hi OP, I agree. I think you need to speak to your girlfriend and find out if she is in this for the long haul (including your son) or not.

The longer you leave it, the worse it will be for both of you if she decides it's not for her.

And I would advise waiting until you are out of the "honeymoon" period, before making her a proposed permanent feature to your son.

leanneq

I'm in a similar set up and give advice from the new partners point of view. We've been together 2 and a half years now so been in the situation fairly recently!
We knew each other prior to getting together and had the same group of friends. I had met the children before we'd got together in group situations.
We kept it separate for about 6 months. Then we did gradual meetings. O meeting in the pub, kids playing in the play area and I was dad's friend etc. we then built it up slowly - going out for lunch, then days out etc. then seeing my house, having lunch at mine. Then having a sleepover etc. it was all done very slowly so I went from a friend to girlfriend and now future wife.
I'm very close to the children ( they were 4 and 5 when we got together) and we have a lovely family unit.
My honest opinion, is keep things separate still. It's too soon for them to meet yet. It will pay dividends in the end. She shouldn't be staying over yet when your son is with you.
Hope that helps

scmp

What happened with me....
When we met my OH wanted me to meet his 3.5yo straight away as he is of course the proud dad
I wanted to take things slow and didnt want to involve his son untill we had got to know each other and knew things were going to work out between us. It was april when we met and we decided to take it from there. Over the Summer he kept dropping my name in conversations, showed him a photo of me and said I was his friend who he hoped his son would get to meet.
I ended up meeting his son in September due to child care issues and by that time we didn't want to be appart, from them on I became the 'it girl' because we really got on and wanted to do everything with me as well!
We have 'just dad' time, 'all of us time' and just 'me and the boy' time

His son is now 9 and we are getting married in June, we even asked him first what he thought about the idea and he has helped plan the wedding

It just 'happened' to be six months as it was not planned but i was so worried about messing up a little boy or causing amandonment issues about women i wanted to wait!

**professor~yaffle**

It sounds like both parents got into new relationships pretty quickly, so the little boy now has mummy and 'uncle' (or step-daddy) in one house AND a new baby on the way, and daddy and new GF in the other.

Children need stability, so I think both parents should tread with caution. That said, the little boy might be completely used to the somewhat complicated family set-up by now and may not bat an eyelid at it!