Advice on DS meeting GF

lincsdan86

Afternoon All,

Just wanting some other peoples opinions.

Been dating someone for a month now, officially bf/gf (sound like a teenager) for 2 weeks, she stays over at mine 5/6 out of 7 nights. I have my son 5 nights a week. At the minute it is working ok as she arrives after he goes to sleep and has to leave for work before he gets up in the morning.

There has been a couple of close calls when he has almost run into her in the middle of the night.

When is it ever too early to introduce your child to your partner? Obv he is the most important part of my life and we kinda come as a package deal.

Looking forward to your replies.

:-D

Money_maker

I have no experience of this and a lot would depend on the age of your son but I would have thought much longer than 2 weeks! Personally I would be thinking along the lines of 6 months or so - when things get serious.

Phoenix7

How old is your son?
How long have you and his mum been separated?
Is his mum in a new relationship?

Just a few questions that spring to mind when considering the situation...

LEJC

Does he know that daddy has a girlfriend,and do you talk to him about her?

How sure are you that she's going to remain a fixture in your life...everyone is different but on the face of it 2 week into your relationship isnt long to have all adjusted to being a blended family

What does your girlfriend think...does she want to meet your son?

if so just have a natural progression onto sharing meals with them both etc.

I can see it might turn out a little confusing for him if suddenly he finds someone he knows nothing about in the house so I think the key is to make it seem natural to him but clearly its potentially going to cause more problems if hes not aware she exists at the moment let alone is practically living with you both.

lincsdan86

Money_maker wrote: »

I have no experience of this and a lot would depend on the age of your son but I would have thought much longer than 2 weeks! Personally I would be thinking along the lines of 6 months or so - when things get serious.

I am torn between wanting him to meet her to ensure that they get on well as much as possible and not wanting them to meet incase anything happens.

He is almost 5 now, if that helps.

lincsdan86

LEJC wrote: »

Does he know that daddy has a girlfriend,and do you talk to him about her?

if so just have a natural progression onto sharing meals with them both etc.

I can see it might turn out a little confusing for him if suddenly he finds someone he knows nothing about in the house so I think the key is to make it seem natural to him but clearly its potentially going to cause more problems if hes not aware she exists at the moment let alone is practically living with you both.

He knows daddy has a girlfriend. we was thinking that maybe going to a local fireworks display together as possible the first meet.

BitterAndTwisted

I've seen the damage caused to young children by a constant stream of changing partners in and out of the house.

Depending on how old your child is, I'd say that anything less than six months is far too soon.

Try to see it the other way round: how long do you think it would take for your child to form an emotional bond with an adult who was not a family member? What do you think the consequences would be if they did form an emotional bond only to have that person disappear from their life at some point, never to be seen again?

LEJC

lincsdan86 wrote: »

He knows daddy has a girlfriend. we was thinking that maybe going to a local fireworks display together as possible the first meet.

...and what does he think about daddy having a girlfriend...you need to talk to him about what he thinks the whole thing entails and on his level...

I have to say if they havent met yet ...why oh why are you risking them meeting on the stairs or if he comes into your room during the night needing something.....

At the age of 4 or 5 he's notr going to understand emotional love and your girlfriend staying over without being told about it in a way he understands...I think that perhaps youve not thought about his feeling above your own...lovely it may be to have a girlfriend...but you also have a son who needs time to come to terms with daddy's new relationship.

Lets hope for everyones sake that he doesnt just stumble across her before the 5th November!!!

lincsdan86

LEJC wrote: »

...and what does he think about daddy having a girlfriend...you need to talk to him about what he thinks the whole thing entails and on his level...

I have to say if they havent met yet ...why oh why are you risking them meeting on the stairs or if he comes into your room during the night needing something.....

Lets hope for everyones sake that he doesnt just stumble across her before the 5th November!!!

He likes that daddy has a girlfriend as it makes daddy happier, bless him.

He is very good and never comes into my room, he will shout from his room when he wants something, but this is why im looking for some advice etc.

This week he is with his mother so it isn't a concern.

With regard to forming an emotional attachment, the amount of time that they would actually spend together would be minimal due to work and the time he spends with his mother at weekends.

Money_maker

How does his mum feel about a stranger you have only known for a month sleeping in the same house as her 5 year old son? Have to ask the question as being a mum to a 5 year old, it wouldn't go down too well with me.

lincsdan86

Money_maker wrote: »

How does his mum feel about a stranger you have only known for a month sleeping in the same house as her 5 year old son? Have to ask the question as being a mum to a 5 year old, it wouldn't go down too well with me.

Would be a little hypocritical for her to have an opinion on the matter as that is what she has done previously.

But I am seeing this purely from our home point of view not hers