Advice on DS meeting GF

LEJC

lincsdan86 wrote: »

This week he is with his mother so it isn't a concern.

With regard to forming an emotional attachment, the amount of time that they would actually spend together would be minimal due to work and the time he spends with his mother at weekends.

mum will become a very big concern im sure if the relationship progresses....perhaps you might want to warn her that you have a new partner before your son tells her

sorry but if the relationship is to become permenant then there will be emotional attachment...
When you live with someone in the same house contact is hardly minimal!!!!!

I hate to say it but I think youve put your feelings above the priority of your child...

LEJC

lincsdan86 wrote: »

Would be a little hypocritical for her to have an opinion on the matter as that is what she has done previously.

But I am seeing this purely from our home point of view not hers

hypocritical or not she is his mother and will have an opinion!

Your child does not just live in your house but hers too...you have a very short sighted view to think that you only need to see this from one side.

lincsdan86

LEJC wrote: »

mum will become a very big concern im sure if the relationship progresses....perhaps you might want to warn her that you have a new partner before your son tells her

sorry but if the relationship is to become permenant then there will be emotional attachment...
When you live with someone in the same house contact is hardly minimal!!!!!

I hate to say it but I think youve put your feelings above the priority of your child...

mum is happily getting on with her own life with her new partner and is expecting.

I purely mean at the moment the contact would be minimal due to working arrangements etc, if the relationship progresses and we move in together then an emotional attached will natural progress aswell. I have to say in the last 2 weeks DS has been at his mothers for the majoroity school hols and usual visiting days.

19lottie82

If I were you there is no way I would be having her to stay overnight without your sons knowledge while he is in the house. As you said there have been a few close calls where he has almost bumped into her in the middle of the night. It could be very upsetting for a 4 year old to find a strange person in their house in the middle of the night!

Keep the overnight visits for when your DS is at his Mums for now.

I'd wait until the 3 month mark before you introduce them. A "casual" meeting might be best first, i.e. she pops round to the house to drop something off, so he has a picture of her in his head, before the big official meeting.

Also, I'd wait a while after that until she starts staying the night, daytime visits only.

LEJC

lincsdan86 wrote: »

if the relationship progresses and we move in together

So what are you doing now for 5 nights a week if its not living together...forgive me that doesnt sound a casual relationship

indsty

This just doesn't sound like a good situation to me. Basically you are hiding your gf from your son. Personally I do not think you should be sharing a bed in the same house as your son for at least six months into the relationship - it should be stable and committed before that happens. Your little boy does not need a procession of females coming in and out of his life. Until you are 100% sure that is not going to happen then keep your meetings away from home and do not involve your little boy. Daddy should be "just his" for a while yet.

lincsdan86

19lottie82 wrote: »

If I were you there is no way I would be having her to stay overnight without your sons knowledge while he is in the house. As you said there have been a few close calls where he has almost bumped into her in the middle of the night. It could be very upsetting for a 4 year old to find a strange person in their house in the middle of the night!

I'd wait until the 3 month mark before you introduce them. A "casual" meeting might be best first, i.e. she pops round to the house to drop something off, so he has a picture of her in his head, before the big official meeting.

Dating with children is such fun.

Thank you for your comments, think will enjoy this week whilst the little one isn't around and will have to limit the nights gf stays over to those when he is not there for the time being.

lincsdan86

LEJC wrote: »

So what are you doing now for 5 nights a week if its not living together...forgive me that doesnt sound a casual relationship

DS is staying with his mother so making the most of the time?

sulkisu

lincsdan86 wrote: »

Afternoon All,

Just wanting some other peoples opinions.

Been dating someone for a month now, officially bf/gf (sound like a teenager) for 2 weeks, she stays over at mine 5/6 out of 7 nights. I have my son 5 nights a week. At the minute it is working ok as she arrives after he goes to sleep and has to leave for work before he gets up in the morning.

There has been a couple of close calls when he has almost run into her in the middle of the night.

When is it ever too early to introduce your child to your partner? Obv he is the most important part of my life and we kinda come as a package deal.

Looking forward to your replies.

:-D

There is no set time, but I do think that a few weeks is too soon for him to potentially find her sleeping in daddy's bed - which presumably he could if he happened to wake up in the night.
5/6 nights out of 7 sounds like she has practically moved in.

It's not about moving on, it's to do with the confusion and upset that might be caused to a child of that age - and before anyone says it, 'yes' my advice would be exactly the same if it was his mother posting the question.

lincsdan86

indsty wrote: »

Until you are 100% sure that is not going to happen .

Can you ever be 100% sure?