Advice on DS meeting GF

Wilma33

19lottie82 wrote: »

That's a bit harsh, no? I think you're jumping to conclusions here.

Firstly when did the OP say the boy had heard something? He didn't.

When did he even suggest the wee fella was unhappy about his mums pregnancy? He didn't.

The OP didn't say he had heard anything. But I find it hard to believe that someone could stay over 5 or 6 nights a week and a 5 year old not notice anything. 5 year olds are not stupid!

And I didn't say the child is unhappy about his mums pregnancy. But it will be a stressing/confusing time for the child where he will need his dad's support.

19lottie82

Wilma33 wrote: »

The OP didn't say he had heard anything. But I find it hard to believe that someone could stay over 5 or 6 nights a week and a 5 year old not notice anything. 5 year olds are not stupid!

And I didn't say the child is unhappy about his mums pregnancy. But it will be a stressing/confusing time for the child where he will need his dad's support.

And some sleep like logs. I wouldn't necessarily be surprised if he hadn't heard / noticed anything so far.

Not every child who is expecting a half sibling thinks it's a bad thing, some even look forward to it and don't suffer any trauma.

I'm not saying that this is definitely the case, but it's not all definitely doom and gloom.

DigForVictory

I'm sort of impressed the OP has a girlfriend and a 5 yo son & has managed (so far) to keep them seperate.

I'm with the other posters who advocate extreme caution - not just because the relationship is young, the child is young, there's a step-sibling on the way & so forth but because life happens when you're making plans.

Like a round of chickenpox or something - little coot is going to want *you* & your lass will need to take a back seat even if she's had it herself.

Please, for your own self respect as a good dad, keep coot & lass a bit more seperate? Up to and including Not having an all three of us Christmas, let alone not under the same roof at the same time for this "6 months". (What is supposed to happen in 6 months I don't know, but how about including a visit to the medics to ensure your health & a supply of contraceptives?)

It won't hurt coot to know that while you like being happy with lass, he comes first. It won't hurt lass to know that you want to be able to give her your exclusive attention (even if you've both been having cake & eating it so far, not having to worry about crumbs can only enhance the fun?)

I'm guessing coot goes to school? Do they know about half-sibling? As if the relationship between coot, mum & new baby has a rough patch, they will also be firefighting & it's really only fair to give them a heads-up.

All the best to all of you!

19lottie82

is "coot" a regional term?

heyboo

DigForVictory wrote: »

but how about including a visit to the medics to ensure your health & a supply of contraceptives?)

Seriously?? Wow....

tinkerbell28

heyboo wrote: »

Seriously?? Wow....

I don't see what's so bad about that point it warrants such a sarcastic response?

The guy is a single Dad and has his son to think of. What is it now, something like 1 in 4 people have had or carry and STD.

Does he really want to end up with something like hep?

It's a new relationship and obviously going through the intense shagging all week stage.

I thought it was common sense nowadays that people used protection in a new relationship, and after a while if they wanted to go without condoms and the like, get a full STD and health check?!?

heyboo

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I don't see what's so bad about that point it warrants such a sarcastic response?

The guy is a single Dad and has his son to think of. What is it now, something like 1 in 4 people have had or carry and STD.

Does he really want to end up with something like hep?

It's a new relationship and obviously going through the intense shagging all week stage.

I thought it was common sense nowadays that people used protection in a new relationship, and after a while if they wanted to go without condoms and the like, get a full STD and health check?!?

Because it's unbelievably preachy and judgemental? He's asking for advice on introducing a new partner, not a lecture on sexual health...blimey.

tinkerbell28

heyboo wrote: »

Because it's unbelievably preachy and judgemental? He's asking for advice on introducing a new partner, not a lecture on sexual health...blimey.

He was asking about timescales and consideration of his son was at the forefront of his op.

It was a common sense point considering the content of the op and the overall picture.

Of all the things you could have highlighted, it just made you look silly. It didn't look judgmental, just plain old common sense.

paulineb_2

I agree, stop the sneaking around. I think its far too early to introduce your son to your new GF. You need to make sure the relationship is going to continue before you even think of introducing the child and I dont think her being in the home after hes asleep and leaving before he wakes is a good idea for her or for the child.

Okydoky25

I don't think there is a set time tbh. I also don't get the whole waiting until you are stable and committed as I'm guessing you were in that situation when you conceived your son and that obviously didn't last.

I don't think it would harm at all for your son to meet your GF but perhaps to start on mutual ground and introduced as a friend. Do this a few times and see how they get along before moving it to her setting him in your home and then work towards GF/Staying over status when he is truly comfortable with her around.

This might take a month it may take 6. He may no like her who knows but altogether better than running into her in the loo in the middle of the night!