Parents want to do a "House Swap".

lostinrates

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl:

I cannot reply because it would mean asking myself questions that I have long been trying to avoid.

Hmm, had rather thought so, Sorry. But it does rather suggest what you need to go away and do, doesn't it?


When you get your counselling would you consider printing out these threads and showing to your counsellor? I think it would save them and you a lot of time you know. You can highlight in different colours themes that are important to you. Parents/family expectation, questions you'd rather not face, ego/fears us self doubt, aims v self doubt......

As there is this inheritance you know a healthy dad is worth so etching to your son. I'd definitely consider private counselling. I'm not a huge fan of talking therapies tbh, u surprisingly I am more a sort of bird your loins and tough it out type, but when they are useful they are very useful. And when hitching up your britches still sees you running round in circles someone to help you draw a path that's if not straight maybe just has a few wriggles in it rather than being a circle could save you years of agony and tremendous benefit to your family. One could even consider it a duty to them.....:rotfl:

Edit...sport the lirisms.....bird your should obviously be gird your loins . Sigh. And this a is a good day! So etching is not me, my autocorrect hates the word something.

AlexLK

lostinrates: Thank you.

Kynthia

AlexLK wrote: »

Why has this got to be all about my wife? Frankly, I don't see her opinion any more valid than my own.

It isn't 'all about your wife', but there's reason everyone keeps bringing her up and being concerned about her. Most of us don't always agree with our spouses and often have differing opinions on what life changing decisions to make. Yet most of us value our spouse's opinion as much as our own and greatly respect their point of view. This means we then work together, either to agree which action to take or find a middle ground. However the way you talk about your wife and the phrases you use when discussing her opinions, concerns or views is occasionally belittling and gives a very strong impression that you don't place equal value on what she thinks and wants. Maybe this isn't the case or maybe it's just a current symptom of the relationship difficulties, and for all we know she may be just as bad about your views and opinions. However the posters on here keep asking you about what your wife thinks because they are concerned that you don't care that much whether she is happy with any decision that gets made and that you aren't working together with her and truly trying to understand her point of view so that you both agree what action to take in the end. Perhaps a relationship counsellor would facilitate good and constructive communication between you both, particularly on big issues like this?

barbarawright

Spirit wrote: »

Perhaps the condescension she experiences outweighs the material benefits. I know it would with me.

The following is from your other thread.

September 2013 Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1035
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1705
Benefits................................ 433 (child benefit, child tax credit, working tax credit)
Other income............................ 0 (could be higher)
Total monthly income.................... 3173

Gosh. That's a lot of benefits paid out to someone who doesn't believe he should pay taxes.

HPoirot

lostinrates wrote: »

Absolutely agree with this, and you might note I took issue either in this or the other thread with Alex over this.


(Interesting you felt burnout from the bar at our age,,..DH is in corporate law (sol) and feeling a bit 'close to burn out' ATM too. . And yeah we regret the losses of independence we have had and enjoyed the freedom to travel for work when we had it. Now he's been moved without me in recent years its harder. . Now my health means I cannot travel we live slightly in fear of him being sent to another office.

And here you are, dashing my dreams of a quiet life behind a desk - I wish to retrain as a sol too :eek: . I am corporate too and the devil truly resides in the detail

lostinrates

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl:

I cannot reply because it would mean asking myself questions that I have long been trying to avoid.

HPoirot wrote: »

And here you are, dashing my dreams of a quiet life behind a desk - I wish to retrain as a sol too :eek: . I am corporate too and the devil truly resides in the detail

Seriously OT for this thread but I'm guessing you've chatted to lots of sols about this? Things have been quieter post cc, but DH regularly works such weeks that see him working through while nights in the office, we have only even taken one holiday on the dates booked off (we had a long weekend booked off week before last that was cancelled have have no opportunity of
R the same sort of thing until February). Everything depends on the team/partner one works with. Sadly, there are a lot of People with (on topic for this thread) the kind of chips on their shoulders that makes them concerned about what others think of them and confused about how to play that out who are in positions of responsibility and have not the grace (nothing to do with 'old money' or 'class' just making my position absolutely clear on that) to know how to handle that. .

Like any position of employment, rather than self employment, get a good team, its great, get a bad boss/team its pretty dire. People only want to whinge about the silly things for fear of looking stupid about the nasty culture that exists IMO and their lack of challenge of it (DH has found this very frustrating) and in his a lyres at least the culture in London and another European city is particularly unpleasant, whereas some of the other offices are wonderful environments.....

Most importantly I hope you recover really well:)

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Yeah, but it is though, isn't it? Morally, if not legally.

Would you pay more tax than was legally required?

HPoirot

Lostinrates, not wishing to hijack this thread further but thank you so much for your views and wishes. I have indeed found the legal culture here more aggressive than another I am also qualified to practise in.

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl:

I cannot reply because it would mean asking myself questions that I have long been trying to avoid.

You won't get anywhere till you do ask them, you'll just keep blindly stumbling round in circles, complaining about how you're stuck going round in circles.

HBS x

AlexLK

Kynthia wrote: »

It isn't 'all about your wife', but there's reason everyone keeps bringing her up and being concerned about her. Most of us don't always agree with our spouses and often have differing opinions on what life changing decisions to make. Yet most of us value our spouse's opinion as much as our own and greatly respect their point of view. This means we then work together, either to agree which action to take or find a middle ground. However the way you talk about your wife and the phrases you use when discussing her opinions, concerns or views is occasionally belittling and gives a very strong impression that you don't place equal value on what she thinks and wants. Maybe this isn't the case or maybe it's just a current symptom of the relationship difficulties, and for all we know she may be just as bad about your views and opinions. However the posters on here keep asking you about what your wife thinks because they are concerned that you don't care that much whether she is happy with any decision that gets made and that you aren't working together with her and truly trying to understand her point of view so that you both agree what action to take in the end. Perhaps a relationship counsellor would facilitate good and constructive communication between you both, particularly on big issues like this?

Having read some of my posts back, I realise how I could have come across that way as I was on the defensive. However, I do care about her very much even though things are quite difficult at the moment. Truth be told I didn't hear what I wanted to on here.

barbarawright wrote: »

Gosh. That's a lot of benefits paid out to someone who doesn't believe he should pay taxes.

My wife is now doing more hours at work and we are claiming no benefits, thank you.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

You won't get anywhere till you do ask them, you'll just keep blindly stumbling round in circles, complaining about how you're stuck going round in circles.

HBS x

I do know this. However, it is very difficult.