Parents want to do a "House Swap".

lostinrates

AlexLK wrote: »

Why has this got to be all about my wife? Frankly, I don't see her opinion any more valid than my own.

I'd do pretty much anything for my spouse. Not anything, but almost. If I were borderline or doubtful but hopeful and he were opposed the weighting would be a no.

Of the weighting were a yes/no each way we'd be looking for a middle road compromise. In your wife's shoes as someone who understands the value of private education, the complexity of social movement and the difficulty of family relationships over such things, I'd not be going on to your parents house.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Thanks X a million, very well said.

Tbf I am a cup half full person, and its not easy for a cup half empty person to be otherwise, I know this because I work VERY HARD at being a cup half full person

The thing is, until you switch you always feel life will be better with...the right house/gloves/car whatever.

I have the wrong lots of things and most of the time am as happy as can be. I was delighted meeting some peoe from MSE last week who said how they were impressed with how cheerful I was, as I know I moan a lot here, but I also try and look for the silver lining at the same time. Letting it out and acknowledging the 'frustration' is healthy, but not recognising that just to be here, in the western world , for example, is lucky, is similarly cripplingly unhealthy.

Anyway, I wish I could top up Alex's glass for him, but I cannot. I wish he could see when he stops feeling like the victim he'll become powerful, and that he would find strength in acknowledging, not to us, but to himself, areas in which he could be happier in outlook and none start with anything life /people/circumstance has done to him but all the things he could do for life/people and circumstances.

AlexLK

Tryingagain: In this instance, her opinion is driven by the fact she doesn't really get on with or like my parents much. Considering what my parents have done for us over the past few years and as much as they can annoy me at times, I believe she should be grateful but that is purely my opinion.

lostinrates: Thank you for your informative and non-judgemental farms. My mother is from a farming family. I do feel quite blessed to be physically healthy and have a son that I love very much.

Hermia

AlexLK wrote: »

Tryingagain: In this instance, her opinion is driven by the fact she doesn't really get on with or like my parents much. Considering what my parents have done for us over the past few years and as much as they can annoy me at times, I believe she should be grateful but that is purely my opinion.

You can never feel grateful or warm towards people who think you are beneath them. Even if they have never told her that they think you can have done better she will have picked up on it.

Person_one

Hermia wrote: »

You can never feel grateful or warm towards people who think you are beneath them. Even if they have never told her that they think you can have done better she will have picked up on it.

They referred to her parents as 'the scummies' in her presence, in front of her child.

Frankly, if it were me I'd never want to see them again.

Spirit_2

AlexLK wrote: »

Tryingagain: In this instance, her opinion is driven by the fact she doesn't really get on with or like my parents much. Considering what my parents have done for us over the past few years and as much as they can annoy me at times, I believe she should be grateful but that is purely my opinion.

lostinrates: Thank you for your informative and non-judgemental farms. My mother is from a farming family. I do feel quite blessed to be physically healthy and have a son that I love very much.

Perhaps the condescension she experiences outweighs the material benefits. I know it would with me.

The following is from your other thread.

September 2013 Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1035
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1705
Benefits................................ 433 (child benefit, child tax credit, working tax credit)
Other income............................ 0 (could be higher)
Total monthly income.................... 3173


How 'grateful' do you feel to your wife for earning more than you?

Try looking at this situation from her point of view or at least credit her with the support she has given you over the years alongside the 'gifts' from your parents.

Do you appreciate her at all? If you do, how does she experience that appreciation?

AlexLK

Spirit: Our income has changed in the past month, thank you. Of course I appreciate her and why should earnings have anything to do with this?

mountainofdebt

Alex - as my mum would say you have a plaster for every sore.

HPoirot

lostinrates wrote: »

My 'not posh'side was uk. While not 'posh' there was a small estate built up over many years, farms, and a very small 'house' more a smart farm house than anything, and, quaintly, a couple of Other community buildings, and some literary stuff. As the daught of a son of second son, of second son, of a second son none would have been ' 'ours' and its mainly all under or swamped by an industrial development now. The literary stuff is almost out of copywriter, but it has been nice to give an appreciation photocopies copies of original stuff (i only have photocopies) so they can enjoy that.

The money...was never mine. The property, was never mine. The other side was all abroad and some years ago it turned out something should have been given that wasn't. After a long talk with my DH about the animosity this would create and the cost of perusing this, and the emotional problems, we let it go. DH also suffered inheritance problems and chose family unity over ' rights'. His situation was different and not sure I would have done the same in his shoes, but I share his reasoning for not.

Tbh, nothing is worth what we have achieved together. Could we have had more, well, probably. But it would not be so sweet.

Alex, the blessing I would feel we had were we able to have health, a child would be tremendous. Rejoice in these things you have.

I am only the sister of the current son and heir and I have been able to do pretty much as I wish, including moving to this country to marry OH and living in his terraced house, being burnt out from a career at the Bar at the age of 35 and taking some years off, and now being totally financially dependent on OH while I regain my strength. What I would not do though, is to run to my parents with every financial or other worry I encounter. Or for that matter look down on those who appear to be "uneducated", "scummy", "scroungers", and least of all say such things.

fc123

lostinrates wrote: »

Tbf I am a cup half full person, and its not easy for a cup half empty person to be otherwise, I know this because I work VERY HARD at being a cup half full person

The thing is, until you switch you always feel life will be better with...the right house/gloves/car whatever.

I have the wrong lots of things and most of the time am as happy as can be. I was delighted meeting some peoe from MSE last week who said how they were impressed with how cheerful I was, as I know I moan a lot here, but I also try and look for the silver lining at the same time.

Letting it out and acknowledging the 'frustration' is healthy, but not recognising that just to be here, in the western world , for example, is lucky, is similarly cripplingly unhealthy.

Anyway, I wish I could top up Alex's glass for him, but I cannot. I wish he could see when he stops feeling like the victim he'll become powerful, and that he would find strength in acknowledging, not to us, but to himself, areas in which he could be happier in outlook and none start with anything life /people/circumstance has done to him but all the things he could do for life/people and circumstances.

.....absolutely LIR. Seconded.

I have been trying to revert the glass half empty view into the half full on the other thread as it makes life so much easier to bear sometimes.

Alex, you know my view on the swap. Wait 5 years.....like the Bowie song.

As this thread is slightly harsher than the other I do feel that a lot of it is about ego on one or both of your parents part. I mean, a house is just a house at the end of the day but one or both seem to have a yearning to 'create' and leave something 'meaningful' behind. It's then going to become your burden.

Also I don't want to to be rude as a million is a lot but as another poster said, it's not some castle or country estate. I mean, my new neighbours just sold a semi for that amount.
I am guessing your parents have amassed total assets of around what? 4 million, 5? Let them sort out their IHT planning.