Sibling Jealousy/Rivalry

meritaten

I think it was unfair to throw little sis out of her new big room because big sis was visiting. She is 23 fgs - couldn't she make do with the smaller room? which I presume you now have set up as a 'guest' room?
while I think little sis is totally out of order with the way she has dealt with the situation (obviously at 16 she is still very childish), I do understand her point that it was totally unfair!

recovering_spendaholic

Thank you to everyone who took time to reply to my original post and I do accept that you ail make valid points. I don't think I favour the older girl because they have both had the things they needed and the room sitaation is not quite as black and white - younger Dd has moved all of her things in and I have decorated it to her liking, but the compromise was made that older Dd would SLEEP in the room when she was home and nothing else - main reason for this is that the box room is small and bed has had to be slightly cut down to fit in and older girl is 6ft 2" and younger girl is 5ft 5. It was for practical reasons only and when we originally discussed it younger girl was fine with it.

Younger DD wasn't banished to her Dads she loves going because it is a big house with all kinds of things in that we don't have!

Anyway we have agreed today that I will get the little room redone and get a new bed (the one now is built in across ways) to put length ways. Both of them knew that this would be done, but not until early next year because of cost. We agreed now that it will be done during the Christmas break, when we will all pitch in (older girl will contribute to cost from her holiday job), and then the switch will be permanent.

That said younger DD was out of order and should not have behaved as she did - she is a hothead and always has been and we could have talked it out last night if she hadn't been so abusive and loud. Everyone has calmed down and apologies offered on both sides.

Anyway - thank you all again - it did help me see things from different perspectives which is always useful.

meritaten

Good - I love to see things sorted out amicably. and all sides views taken on board!
it sounds as if the youngests room wasn't really big enough for them - my DD has that problem with the so called third bedroom (you cant actually get a single bed in there!).

Pollycat

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

Younger DD wasn't banished to her Dads she loves going because it is a big house with all kinds of things in that we don't have!

So in reality, you rewarded her bad behaviour with a treat.

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

main reason for this is that the box room is small and bed has had to be slightly cut down to fit in and older girl is 6ft 2" and younger girl is 5ft 5. It was for practical reasons only and when we originally discussed it younger girl was fine with it.

I think if you had mentioned the reason for the agreement, you would have had more relevant replies to your first post.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Dripfeeding. Don't you love it.

yvonne13_2

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Dripfeeding. Don't you love it.

Perhaps the OP didn't think it was necessary to mention it.

FBaby

That's good that it is resolved, but even though the youngest is the one who showed poor response to the argument, it doesn't mean forcibly mean that she is the one who behaved the worse towards the other.

When my two argue, my eldest always remain very calm whilst my youngest shouts, so when it gets to the point of anger, it appears as if he is the one being aggressive and her just trying to calm things down. But if I get to hear the whole argument, I realise that he will start quite calmly, but she will respond very tauntingly and that what gets him to raise his voice and use bad language. The argument is always the result of her ways, but it doesn't appear that way.

victory

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who took time to reply to my original post and I do accept that you ail make valid points. I don't think I favour the older girl because they have both had the things they needed and the room sitaation is not quite as black and white - younger Dd has moved all of her things in and I have decorated it to her liking, but the compromise was made that older Dd would SLEEP in the room when she was home and nothing else - main reason for this is that the box room is small and bed has had to be slightly cut down to fit in and older girl is 6ft 2" and younger girl is 5ft 5. It was for practical reasons only and when we originally discussed it younger girl was fine with it

Anyway we have agreed today that I will get the little room redone and get a new bed (the one now is built in across ways) to put length ways. Both of them knew that this would be done, but not until early next year because of cost. We agreed now that it will be done during the Christmas break, when we will all pitch in (older girl will contribute to cost from her holiday job), and then the switch will be permanent.
l.

I wonder why this was not mentioned?

Pollycat

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Dripfeeding. Don't you love it.

No. :mad:

yvonne13 wrote: »

Perhaps the OP didn't think it was necessary to mention it.

But the size of the bed in the smallest bedroom and the height of DD1 had a fundamental impact on the agreement for DD1 to sleep in that room whenever she came home.

Most of the responses were about how strange/unfair it was for DD2 to have to vacate her room when DD1 came home.

OP also didn't mention that the agreement was for DD1 to only sleep in her old room.

Of course, it's entirely up to the OP (and any OP) what they choose to share on a public forum, but if you don't mention (either by design or omission) relevant facts (and to me a 6'2" girl sleeping in a cut down bed is very relevant to this thread) then you get people going off at tangents.

FBaby wrote: »

That's good that it is resolved, but even though the youngest is the one who showed poor response to the argument, it doesn't mean forcibly mean that she is the one who behaved the worse towards the other.

When my two argue, my eldest always remain very calm whilst my youngest shouts, so when it gets to the point of anger, it appears as if he is the one being aggressive and her just trying to calm things down. But if I get to hear the whole argument, I realise that he will start quite calmly, but she will respond very tauntingly and that what gets him to raise his voice and use bad language. The argument is always the result of her ways, but it doesn't appear that way.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if this is what has happened here.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

yvonne13 wrote: »

Perhaps the OP didn't think it was necessary to mention it.

You mean...the most crucial point of the whole issue? Nah, not worth it at all.