Sibling Jealousy/Rivalry

ValHaller

FatVonD wrote: »

Careful, you risk people thinking you can't cope with someone disagreeing with you.

Go back to your room.

thorsoak

One thing that has occurred to me is the fact that, at 16, dd2 is either in her Gcse year or in her first 'A' level year - which would entail a lot more studying at weekends . This might have bee. The catalyst for her kicking off. Still no excuse for bad behaviour but might be an explanation for it.

Nicki

ValHaller, DD2 has been exiled to her dad's for her tantrum as you call it and may also face another sanction. You can't keep imposing punishment for the same crime, nor is it right to refuse to address a long term unfairness just because a child has lost their temper about it on one occasion.

If changing the arrangements will in the long term better for the whole family and heal some hurt and bitterness between the sisters, OP would be cutting off her nose to spite her face if she refused to consider it just because of the loss of temper, when that issue can be dealt with in other ways.

I would imagine that the younger daughter has long since cooled down at dad's house and is currently feeling very upset and abandoned at the moment.

Frith

I can't believe a 23 year old would get embroiled in fights with a 16 year old. When I was 23, my siblings were 17 and 15. I was an adult! I had been to university and was married.

I would have no sooner started a silly argument with my siblings (children) than I would with any other child.

FatVonD

ValHaller wrote: »

Go back to your room.

No, I want a padded one like yours.

FatVonD

thorsoak wrote: »

Oh for heaven's sake, stop bickering between yourselves - or I might begin to believe that the Op's children are taking over!

Eh, she started it

System

I can kind of see this from both sides, i agree the room arrangement wasn't a good idea, it should have been a perm swap or non at all, and that does need adressing. And i understand that leaving a room empty is daft really, and not fair on the younger one. When i went to uni my sisters still shared a room, and my brother had the box room. So i got swapped with my brother. Then after my first year they moved one of my sisters into "my room". At the time i felt bit crap about it, as it's not nice to accept that that's it, home is no longer home but i realised that it wasn't fair for my sisters to have to share and that room be empty. It probably worked out for the best cos after uni i stayed in my uni city, whereas the sister who moved into my room has moved back home.

ValHaller

FatVonD wrote: »

No, I want a padded one like yours.

Have it back, I only took it off you for the weekend.

FatVonD

ValHaller wrote: »

Have it back, I only took it off you for the weekend.

:rotfl:

Now shut up you ridiculous woman.

ash28

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

I know that it is very common for siblings to argue and be jealous of each other, but when does it become a bigger problem and something to really worry about? My two girls are 23 and 16 and have always been very jealous of each other, to the point where I have almost had to weigh out the dinners to make sure one wasn't getting more than the other.

Lately it has taken a much more serious turn and my younger DD seems to really hate the older one and says all kinds of vile things about her and is verbally really abusive. Older DD is at University and came home for the weekend yesterday, at which younger DD went absolutely balistic throwing things and saying really hateful stuff to me and her sister.

It got so bad that I had to ring her Dad (we are divorced but it is all very amicable) and he had to come round and take her back to his house for the night (neither have ever really stayed overnight at his house).

Tonight after school it all started again and the rowing was so bad that I am sitting up all night because I am really afraid that younger DD may actually get physical with older DD during the night - so vile were her threats. It all started because younger DD wanted the big bedroom once older DD went to University. We agreed that she could move into the big room but that she would let older DD sleep in there during holiday times. The row started when older DD came home yesterday and younger DD went ballistic because she would have to sleep in her old room.

The rowing escalated to the point that the yelling stopped and younger DD was really cold and calculating and saying that she hated me and her sister and that I was a c**t and she wanted us to die and much worse. It was horrible and I ended up getting really upset.

Do you think I should seek professional advice or has anyone else had experience of this and might it just get better as they get older?

Why one earth did you let your younger daughter have the room in the first place if she had to move out of it whenever her sister was at home? Theoretically her sister could be home every weekend. It obviously wasn't just for the holidays.

You should have given her the room permanently or not at all.

We had 3 children and 4 bedrooms and as each one moved out the others moved up a room.....permanently and visiting sibling had which ever room was spare. Not their old room. The same thing happened when I was living at home.

Your youngest daughter shouldn't have thrown a hissy fit......however I imagine your older daughter had plenty to say too......

Your youngest daughter is an adolescent, perhaps with raging hormones while her sister is a grown woman....an adult no less.

Perhaps your youngest daughter thinks you favour or have a closer relationship with your eldest daughter.....and perhaps your eldest daughter has always been a bit jealous of your younger daughter - I have seen that when there is quite an age gap between siblings, especially when one has been on their own for a number of years.....