any advice would be lovely :)

lostandalone

yes, he does have good points... he's lovely really, when he wants to be!

We are usually extremely happy and are great together though thick and thin.
But maybe you are right, he won't change and if I want to be with him, I'll just have to put up with it.

If I know that that's the way he is, I can't get too angry about him surely?

lostandalone

I have thought about looking at his mobile on many occassions, but I just don't feel it's right.

I certainly wouldn't like it done to me and it's an open message that I don't trust him... I do. And maybe I'm a fool for trusting him after what happened

My main problem is how he always has to be right and centre of attention (not that I want to be it - out of all of our friends I just wish he wasn't the one always making a fool of himself to get adoration or laughs) and how he pulls everything I say and do into little bits and confuses me until I can't stand up for myself anymore.

I don't understand why he is belittling the one person who has stuck by him...

daisy_doughnut_2

oh hun i do empathise with you ive been here
what i did
after another row over nothing really he said daisey do you want this argument to carry on or our relationship i said neither i think i shocked my self more than him
in the back of my mind i knew i would always doubt him over the afair
would he do it again wouldnt he why did he do it was he telling me the truth

we did get on with it for a while after the afair but i guessi just came to realise that he had lost my trust and i didnt want to steal his fone every other week or wander where he was it was making me miserable

when i look back now at the moment i said niether i laugh at his face it was a picture he stomped upstairs an packed his bags popping down every two mins to tell me he was leaving an i was reletively calm as i knew that the sickenig knot in my stomach would be no more

thats my storie but every one is different

no matter what advice you take from here or with your friends you will do what you want anyway weather you stay or go

just be true to your self though an think of what would make you happy in the long run

good luck

DD x

nats3006

First of all a leopard never changes it spots IMO :rolleyes: But if you have got past all that then good for you, but dont trust a man not all men are like that but i personally couldnt 100% trust a man so never say 100%. not saying all women are innocent by all means just i wouldnt!
Anyway he will of said it in anger and if he came home from work to find you had gone he would !!!!!! himself to put it bluntly!!

Anyway look after yourself and let us know how you get on

Nats xxxx

Belair

Lostandalone, I feel that subconciously you have made up your mind what to do, but don't like the decision.
You deserve much more that you are getting. A loving, caring relationship is all about looking after each other and making each other happy. Not about power struggles or mobile phones.
Your OH sounds immature and selfish. People like this rarely change, can you put up with this and more for the rest of your life?

You sound like a lovely person and I would say quite young, you should be enjoying life, not worrying about what is on his mobile.

Please don't ruin your life, take that first big scary step and ditch him.

Good luck and big hugs.

nats3006

daisy_doughnut_2 wrote: »

oh hun i do empathise with you ive been here
what i did
after another row over nothing really he said daisey do you want this argument to carry on or our relationship i said neither i think i shocked my self more than him
in the back of my mind i knew i would always doubt him over the afair
would he do it again wouldnt he why did he do it was he telling me the truth

we did get on with it for a while after the afair but i guessi just came to realise that he had lost my trust and i didnt want to steal his fone every other week or wander where he was it was making me miserable

when i look back now at the moment i said niether i laugh at his face it was a picture he stomped upstairs an packed his bags popping down every two mins to tell me he was leaving an i was reletively calm as i knew that the sickenig knot in my stomach would be no more

thats my storie but every one is different

no matter what advice you take from here or with your friends you will do what you want anyway weather you stay or go

just be true to your self though an think of what would make you happy in the long run

good luck

DD x

I think sometimes you have to shock yourself, otherwise you get stuck in a rut! good on you :T

skyrocket

I think you can do better than this juvenile, selfish man.

Have you had any response from him?
Is this how you want you life to be, always giving in to his little tantrums?

You sound like a nice, rational person and you have put up with far too much nonesense from someone who has given you way too much heartache in such a short space of time and yet seems to be, rather than making it up to you, continuing to make you unhappy.

He seems to have all the power and control in this relationship and he sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I would be very suspicious of him not wanting to part with his mobile phone.

I hope you get some reslution to this situation for your sake and can finally start to have peace of mind again!

Hugs!

newcook

lostandalone wrote: »

It's a shared flat (we have 1 other housemate).
I did say that to him. I said 'if you aren't happy anymore and you want us to split up, then I'm not stopping you from leaving'

His reply was 'well we both know that I won't leave as you can't afford to live here alone.' It's true, it would be a big struggle, but I can afford it.

I think he would like the 'Ali left me' sympathy vote from our friends, to be honest.
He likes to be the centre of attention.

is the flat big enough to get another flatmate to split the costs?? if you can afford it then tell him to leave

if you do leave you could always get in there first with the friends and say 'he's kicked me out' - lets see how sypathetic they would be to him then!!

as others have said, you deserve so much better - you deserve a man who loves you (and shows it), respects you, treats you good, acts like an adult (except for the cutsy talk when you are alone ), and will not cheat on you!

pinkshoes

I think you're all being a bit harsh on this guy!!

Sounds to me like he might be feeling down in the dumps, and could be picking arguements because he wants to wallow in self pity, but in reality he might need to get something that's bothering him off his chest.

has he put on weight? not liking his job? men can be just as sensitive as women, but rather than talk about it, they sulk and get man moods.

Maybe ask him if something's bothering him. Low self esteem can cause you to do strange things!

misty

My feelings on relationships is that they are supposed tomake you happy - ok not all of the time and people have to work through things but your partner is supposed to be the one who supports you and comforts you when you are unhappy - not the person who makes you unhappy.

He's making you unhappy and you're letting him. As I don't know him I am only guessing that he has a lot of insecurities (the need to be the centre of attention, the affair etc) and making you feel crap about yourself makes him feel less crap about himself. Only you know whether his good points outway his bad.