your opinion needed wwyd situation.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

chloo wrote: »

Thank you Thick Tom.

FBR- the ultimatum wasn't a diva strop it was literally you want us to work, then you leave your wife you don't want us to work not a problem I will go now and we will forget this ever happened.

Yes, I know how an ultimatum works. You were screwing someone else's husband, and he had two kids, one of which was a baby AND he lied to you from the start. Didn't any part of you think 'erm, time to make a quick exit'?

tea_lover

You brought this sh?storm on yourself and now you're complaining because his wife isn't happy with you? Unbelievable.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

tea_lover wrote: »

You brought this sh?storm on yourself and now you're complaining because his wife isn't happy with you? Unbelievable.

I think you'll find it's pronounced 'un-fe-ck-in-believe-able.

sulkisu

It never fails to amaze me how many couples do what you and your partner have done, and then expect the woman (or man) scorned to act reasonably for the sake of the children.

As for showing their daughter her room at your new home...of course her mother was !!!!ed off, who wouldn't be. Did you seriously not consider how their mother would feel or did you just not care?

As I said on another similar thread (it might be worth reading that one - the other woman is left holding the baby when the husband goes crawling back to his wife) the fact that this man couldn't keep it in his pants and dumped his family for another woman, does not mean that he should lose all contact with his children. However my advice would be to back off, keep your head down and your mouth closed. Let him handle things and give his wife time and space to get over the fact that she has been crapped on royally. She might become more reasonable over time.

By the way, it is really hard to take your criticisms of her seriously, when to be frank, morally you don't have a leg to stand on.

HPoirot

Leave the child alone, stop confusing her so that you can play the little family. It's not been a year since her dad left and you want her for yourself, back off she has a mum and a dad of her own, go on your holiday she doesn't need to be there with you.

chloo

Fbaby - thank you. the little one is 9 months now. it sounds awful but this child isnt such a worry as so young relationships will form with this child when older and more understanding. to be honest i wouldnt know how to start a relationship of any kind with this child as so young. my partner gets to see the child but is snapped at all the time for anything he tries to do with the child and is constantly told another mans bring him up ect.

tiddlywinks- interesting ill tell you more about her.

A woman scorned and all that...

How did you think she would react when her husband had an affair and then left her? obviously not in a good way.

You apologised on the phone - OK - BUT, how do you think she felt at having to talk to you? she is the one to ring me and engage in conversation usually when my partner stands up to her regarding money she tries to get me onside and then when it doesnt work tells me all sorts like how they are still sleeping together when im at work hes over there giving her one ect!!

Your BF needs to sort this all 'officially' and above board... dealing with any accusations as they arise. i totally agree its just where to start and the most important issues.

You know his ex doesn't want you to have any contact with the children... for now, just accept that. You shouldn't be putting the daughter in a position where she is caught between the conflicting wishes of her mum and dad. the ex doesnt but my partner the childrens father does its been a year now.

Your BF behaved badly... you do know that don't you? He lied to his wife and he lied to you... his wife has every right to feel wronged... and it will take time for that pain to ease. oh yes i am well aware of this he has apologized to everyone time and time again for the way things worked out. if things were different then maybe it would be easier but as the situation is we have to work forward on it i understand he cheated on her i understand he lied to me, from her side of the story shes saying she only stayed with him the last six years for another child she openly admits this to anyone who asks. the whole family have known for a long time its been on the rocks i understand its the way it happen that has upset everyone.

In the meantime, your BF should be dealing with this and you should stay out of it- i agree but it is very hard when living with someone starting a new life together when you get to see very little of the life he has. how could we go on to have a child in this situation? or get a house or have a holiday? until this is all resolved our lives are totally on hold which seems unfair when she has moved on with someone else.

mojisola- thank you for your comments. she keeps trying to block everything he tires to do to make things easier and more settled for the children. his life style has totally changed from before hes not a serial cheat and the marriage has been on the rocks for a very long time.

Dimey- thank you.

Only advice I can offer is to keep a low profile and be squeaky clean. Keep evidence. Let the CSA and divorce court take its course. Be kind, polite and do not inflame the situation.

Of course the ex wife and families have every right to be hurt and angry and not want to see the person who ruined their lives again. You and your OH have to live with that.
Be humble, it may happen to you one day.

what kind of evidence would you keep? i try my best to not inflame the issue for me the important people are the children not him or her they have both done wrong the children haven't.

to me in my opinion the family are pushing him/us out due to the stories that she is telling. in my view to make an opinion on someone without knowing them is totally wrong. it does make me laugh as my partners elder brother stays here regularly for work often for ten days at a time and his wife thinks that's okay but then she wont even speak to me on the phone or when sending a texts she never asks about me.

Tiddlywinks- yes i believe so he is getting older and as he says wiser (we will see about that ha!) his lifestyle is so different now to what it was when we met now instead of going out with the lads we go for dinner or get a dvd and have a cook off his whole attitude has changed and for the better his mum says how much better he is hes lost weigh doesnt smoke anymore and has cut down his drinking his skin looks better his whole outlook on life is better- dare i say it but i genuinely think he had a form of depression.

mountainofdebt

sorry hun you're right I have no sympathy for you and the mess you find yourself in.

Basically you got together with a married man - though I will grant you the fact that you didn't know he was married at the time - and then basically said her or me. Those words may not have come out of your mouth but that was the jist of them.

Not only was he married with 2 children, but one of them was new born. Putting it politely what the f**k were you thinking? That his wife would go ok you can play happy families if you want. Anything else you want -oh yes a divorce on your terms no problem.

Personally I think you've opened a can of worms there and only you will come off worse.....though I wouldn't get pregnant by this 'catch' - no doubt he will be using the same chat up lines on the next victim that he used on you.

Gillyx

I remember you posting about this in the past, and everyone advised you against getting involved any further. I agree, once a love rat, always a love rat.

He cheated when he had a newborn at home and/or when his wife was pregnant, I don't know how that can be attractive and how if you ever did choose to have kids, you'd feel comfortable at 8 months pregnant with him being out and about.

FBaby

If it can make you feel better, my step-father left his wife and 5 children, the youngest being under 1 for my mum after an affair that went on for some months. They didn't live together immediately and did have a on and off relation for a whilst but did end up married after 10 years.

Understandably the wife was very upset to start with and refused my step-dad contact for quite some time, but gradually, she started to accept the situation. Strangely, his two eldest children always refused to see him (they were probably more aware of the impact it had on their mum), but the youngest three did and the one who was only 1 year old, that is 2 years younger than I, built a good relationship with his dad and him and I got along brilliantly. During all this time though, my mum stayed out of all the issues. She wanted nothing with it. It took time for his mum and sisters to accept her in the family, but she didn't mind waiting.

All this to say that years later, all had moved on and one New Year's eve, I spent the night with one of my step brother who organised the party. His mum was there and she had I had a brilliant time together and got along great.

Time does miracle. You got your man, surely you can give his ex some time in exchange.

mountainofdebt

chloo wrote: »

he has tried to get a contact order to see this children regularly and in what i believe would be to give them stability.

surely this bit of your OP is said tongue in cheek?