your opinion needed wwyd situation.

GwylimT

So you wont mind when you have one in the oven and he !!!!!!s off with someone else?

Errata

I've come across this tale of woe before, on Jeremy Kyle - time after time after time.
You both deserve each other and his wife is well shot of him.

Dimey

OP, You asked what evidence you should keep:-

Make sure any money paid to the ex wife is recorded by paying via bank transfer or cheque. (Edit: and mark on the payment what the money is for) Don't give cash otherwise cash, the ex wife denies receiving won't be accounted for when CSA come to assess the case.

Keep phone records and any written communication material, in case there is dispute in the divorce court or CSA and you need to prove something.

Keep a diary of how often your OH has asked for access to his children and how often it has been allowed and reasons if it has not been allowed.

Keep a receipts for any clothes bought for the children.

OP try to keep out of the dispute. If you have any kind of future with this man, you need to be seen by all parties as impartial as possible.

marisco_2

When you got together with this guy he was lying to you, whilst at the same time betraying the mother of his children, one of them a new born baby. I seriously cant fathom why you would be attracted to a person who could treat you and those closest to him so badly. Common sense should have told you to cut your losses when you discovered the real situation. Instead you issued an ultimatum to him and effectively made him choose between yourself and his wife and children.

Did the possibility of all this resulting upset that is now playing out seriously never occur to you? Your partner is primarily to blame for what is going on but you need to shoulder some responsibility too, for the chaos and distress that is now a lifestyle for two vulnerable and impressionable young children. I don't approve of how their mum is using them like pawns in a game, a horrendous way for any parent to behave no matter how hurt they are feeling.

As communication has all but broken down you will need to seek legal advice to resolve the contact issue and agree on maintenance payments. Unfortunately your future plans and your relationship with this guy, will have to be put on the back burner whilst more pressing matters are dealt with.

HPoirot

chloo wrote: »

it is very hard when living with someone starting a new life together when you get to see very little of the life he has. how could we go on to have a child in this situation? or get a house or have a holiday? until this is all resolved our lives are totally on hold which seems unfair when she has moved on with someone else.

Great irony there OP.

...Someone please tell me this is Stoptober going to my head? Am I hallucinating? :S

Seanymph

His relationship with his wife, and his relationship with his children have nothing at all to do with you. Nothing.

In time you may need to be involved with them, but right now these kids needs security with their dad, and for their parents to be left alone to sort out their own stuff.

IF you can keep yourself out of it rather than being a pushy little husband grabber then maybe, in a lot of time, you will be able to build decent relationships yourself.

However you are not presenting very well at all here. The child doesn't need a bedroom - and certainly shouldn't be played like a pawn by yourself and your boyfriend which you seem to be doing now. How dare he take this confused small person to his new house and show them a room knowing his wife was opposed to it! Talk about power play. He needs to grow up and start acting like a parent.

And until he does you'd do well to keep out of it.

fabforty

chloo wrote: »

to me in my opinion the family are pushing him/us out due to the stories that she is telling. in my view to make an opinion on someone without knowing them is totally wrong. .

This is where you sound totally delusional! Clearly they don't think much of either of you, because of what you did.Tthey don't need to have met you to form an opinion of you - they saw what you did and that was enough, surely you can see that?

thorsoak

Dear OP - I suggest you read this thread through and put yourself in the place of the cheated wife ........how differently would you be reacting in those circumstances?

And - sadly, you could find yourself in exactly the same situation yourself in two or three years' time - a man who can do this once can also do it again - and again

meritaten

I really don't see why you expect his ex to be 'reasonable' about this! without wishing to 'have a go at you', you have caused her a lot of pain and maybe financial hardship too.
as for her kids meeting you - you are expecting too much too soon! her feelings are probably still raw and the LAST thing she wants is her DD coming home saying how nice you are!

Give it time...........and back off, you are being rather pushy about this.

Gillyx

Reap what you sow has never been more apt tbh.