The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

codemonkey

Whattodonow wrote: »

Argh - just read some of those comments! Makes me so sad - it seems many people think IVF shouldn't be on the NHS (illogical). Makes me think if any of my friends or family feel this way.

Adopting. Love the way people who have children easily always suggest this. Well why didn't YOU adopt then?!

I hate this too. I've looked into adoption, I've read adoption blogs and I think, as the current system stands, it's not for us. And it's not about wanting a biological child of our own, or thinking we wont love an adopted child as much because I think we would. One of the themes on the blogs I've read - all from this country - is how hard it is. How the kids are so damaged. How the parents have no support. How they don't know if the behaviour issues are normal kid life stages or if they're reactions to what the kids have been through in their lives. How everything is geared towards supporting the birth family and the adoptive one comes second - you're encouraged not to change their name and to allow contact between the child and their family - and I'd feel like I was second best to someone who could pop out a child easily but is unwilling to take care of them. It's not like you go into Ikea and pick a kid from the kids area at the front and take them home and they're all happy and love you. Because they're not and they don't.

I think I'd reconsider if that if the system were to change - more support, less retaining the child's "roots". If those roots were so brilliant, why are they being adopted in the first place. I'd want to adopt a baby so there would be less chance of damage from the previous home and that's pretty much impossible. And I don't wish to be a snob but I can't see myself parenting a Jayden or a Chardonnay.

And then I look at this and these problems don't seem so big:

http://www.bemyparent.org.uk/public-profiles.html

Maybe I could do it after all.

codemonkey

Also, while I'm on my soapbox - what's so bad about wanting to carry and give birth to mine and DH's baby? I'm hardly responsible for overpopulation given I don't have any bloody children and can probably only afford one. Why is wanting a child so much that I'm willing to risk OHSS, go through complicated medical procedures and give myself injections worse than someone who gets knocked up on a one night stand?

vesper

Another stupid idiot that read the comments too. Then realised that human beings are nasty.

Hubby finally heard back from doctors, well he rang them and moaned (kind of helps when his dad is a representative on the board of directors). Turns out they've all changed and he has to make deposit in a pot and rush it to the 'local' hospital within a hour. Wow our local hospital is about 40minutes away not taking into account traffic, trying to get parked etc.

Knackered tonight, been at Burlex and Zumba. Hope they are doing some good to me.

codemonkey

vesper wrote: »

Another stupid idiot that read the comments too. Then realised that human beings are nasty.

Hubby finally heard back from doctors, well he rang them and moaned (kind of helps when his dad is a representative on the board of directors). Turns out they've all changed and he has to make deposit in a pot and rush it to the 'local' hospital within a hour. Wow our local hospital is about 40minutes away not taking into account traffic, trying to get parked etc.

Knackered tonight, been at Burlex and Zumba. Hope they are doing some good to me.

Vesper, its a similar situation here and they only accept samples in the morning. They have rooms at the hospital so he can make one there. DH did need a referral from his GP though.

littleme82

Sorry for winding everyone up yesterday with the article.

BUT ITS FRIDAY TODAY!!!!

strangely feel rather excited. 7 hrs of work and I'm done. Well for 2 days.

Started bd last night with conceive plus and air cycling after. TMI I've still not been for a pee.... Well I've gotta give the 66000 a chance out of 220,000,000 don't i?!

Sorry to read your post fanny hugs x

tea_lover

Well if AF is coming (95% certain now) I wish she'd just get on with it! Still technically only 12dpo now so would usually be expecting spotting now and then AF on sunday, but as I've already been spotting for 2 days I reckon AF may as well just crack on.

code - totally agree about adoption. Maybe I am selfish but honestly, I don't want to start my parenting journey with a 4 yr old with severe psychological problems and a name I didn't choose. Have absolute respect and admiration for those that go down this route, obviously. But it seems that those of us that know it's not for us just get judged again.

No kids yet - bad person. Want kids but struggling to have them - bad person. Want kids but don't think you have the best skills to take on a damaged child - bad person. Can get pg easily and have no interest in the child - that's fine, society will do whatever it can to support you and pay for you.

Grr.

tea_lover

Also, it's 6 months today since we got our positive result at the hospital. So I should be just over 7 months pg. And I'm very much not

time2deal

Hugs tea. And tfig for sure. Start of two weeks off work too!

vesper

codemonkey wrote: »

Vesper, its a similar situation here and they only accept samples in the morning. They have rooms at the hospital so he can make one there. DH did need a referral from his GP though.

I think he's got to have a referral, I know he's nipping in to the doctors this afternoon after work as he's got to pick up a form to fill out first or something. I'll read through the form when he gets back with it, as he has a tendency of skipping through whole sentences.

We actually enquired about Adoption at the beginning of last year, I think it was. It is something I would consider but would prefer my child to be of my own flesh and blood as much as possible. But because certain things I think that option will never be applicable to us now.

I get torn up so much, I start to get used to life with no children, being able to do what I want when I want, but just can't grasp hold of the idea that it might be this way forever. We will never afford private IVF in a million years, so if I don't meet the criteria of the NHS, there goes any chance. Not that I am at the IVF stage yet.

Rowingirl

Code & tea totally agree. I want a baby that's half me and half DH; just like most other couples. So how come that's a good thing if the woman can fall pregnant easily but a selfish lifestyle choice if the couple struggles and need help?

I hate it when people say 'oh just adopt' as though they image adopting couples go to a Victorian orphange and pick the child they think is the cutest. And it's always people who have children or are childfree-by-choice who suggest this.

Edited to add: why do people believe couples with fertility problems are solely expected to solve overpopulation?