12-24 weeks pregnant (part2)

neon_dannii

fireyfirenze wrote: »

I'm really surprised at Mary's post and other people who've been upset at what sex their child turns out to be...surely if it's healthy that's what matters?! I can imagine being upset say if you had like...5 boys and had another baby and it was also a boy haha. I'm pretty open to what I get. id love a daughter but as long as theyre okay that's fine with me.

I think the fact I work with severely disabled children might influence this fact! and also my sister who has been trying for a baby for 6 years who'd be overjoyed with anything it seems sad to be upset about the sex. I must be weird ha.

I agree with you; as long as the baby is healthy. Many people struggle to conceive, so people should be happy with what they have

marywooyeah

Sam yes it has been different so I guess what they say is true. We didnt go shopping as I was too upset and wanted to sleep instead. I had a nap as I've taken on a second job to cope with the costs of a baby so am working 10pm to 4am tonight and when I woke up I remembered all over again and couldnt stop crying. To know I thought I couldn't have any more children then to find out its a girl is like a cruel joke. This baby has cost me my career and to know that that sacrifice is for nothing is so hard to bear I am just desperate to have a little boy ien my arms I can't start all over from scratch with a girl.

. I'm devastated, I was getting so excited and now all I feel is sad and I feel angry that I will have to spend the rest of my life raising a child I don't want. Its not like we can even give it up for adoption either as our son is aware of it now. I just wanted a boy so badly this isn't fair.

Firefrenzy sorry that yoyr "surprised" that I feel this way, I hope one day you could try to see things from others points of view even if you don't agree with them rather than mocking someone, its obvious that this is very difficult for me to come to terms with without your insensitive comments.

Birdie85

Oh dear Mary, I think you just need to take some time to get your head around this... as it is, this isn't a healthy attitude and it's not going to make the rest of your pregnancy very enjoyable. I know I said I was disappointed when we found out the sex but it was short lived and there weren't any tears, just a little change of attitude was quickly needed.

Honestly, the reason why we were a little disappointed was because we'd struggled to conceive this baby and both knew that if we could only have one baby, we'd rather a girl because I feel like I'm 'meant' to have a daughter.

Why are you so upset about having a girl?

sunshine81

I guess many people just have 'visions' of having a certain sex, and nobody is wrong for doing that. Ever since I can remember I've pictured me with a daughter first. For me I don't feel as anywhere near as strongly as marywooyeah but I will be a little bit sad if this baby is a boy, but for me it's only because I have never imagined it that way and therefore find it difficult to picture. However, knowing this we've been calling bump 'he' 'him' etc and gradually getting used to it, and I'm slowly getting equally excited about finding out I'm having a boy or a girl now. But girl will alwaysbe my preference and I won't feel bad for feeling that.

Marywooyeah there must be some strong underlying reason for feeling the way you do, so *hugs* xxx

samtoby

I think we all have difference reasons for what we desire and think. Ourfeelings are going to be different, who is to say we know what others lives are like or their dreams and hopes. We all have travelled a different journey to get here, some after miscarriages, stillbirths, IVF, unexplained infertility with a surprise pregnancy and we have to all bear in mind the words we write might shatter someone’s dreams and break their hearts unintentionally but we all have our own opinions? I am very apprehensive people will not agree with me and I am not expecting people to agree or disagree, but I will always remember someone writing about their BFP right after my loss and although it was their moment to share their joy, I felt like it was a stab through my heart. This is an open forum after all.

In regards to myself I don't mind what I come away with as long as my baby is ok - I just will be very shocked if it’s a girl. I feel exactly the same asI did with my DS - only thing I would say is that the sickness has been more intense and lasted longer. If it’s a girl I think I will be worried about the differences in raising a girl, but I am a girly girl if I want to be and I have taken great pleasure sewing with my friends daughter and playing with my old dolls that I got out the attic for her. After losing a baby in July 2013 I feel I was given a gift so quickly (I fell in the cycle after my DC) it has not taken away the hurt I felt in that room when they told me my baby had died. I think that is why I am still on knicker watch at nearly 20 weeks, cry sometimes over the baby I lost and don't want to buy anything until I get past my 20 week scan and then I reckon I still won't want to buy anything! After my miscarriageI wanted the world to stop but life does go on, I wasn’t the first and Ic ertainly sadly won’t be the last.

Anyway, totally unrelated but every time I have lots of cold water baby moves loads…… I do wonder if its goes all cold around it and wants a hot drink. I have had a bit of back ache and I am thinking I might have a bladder infection so need to call through to see if they could check my urine.

samtoby

sunshine81 wrote: »

Marywooyeah there must be some strong underlying reason for feeling the way you do, so *hugs* xxx

I think this too. Hugs for how you are feeling Marywooyeah.

mysecretalias

I'm so grateful I am having a baby - I honestly wouldn't care if it was a boy, girl, or an alien (slight exaggeration but you get my gist) - I just want my baby to be healthy - that's just my own feelings. I too don't understand why anyone would get (in my opinion) so irrationally upset about the sex of your baby - it's not like other countries where they look badly on you for not having a boy, etc.

I too wonder whether there might be some deeper reason for your extreme reaction? Even talking about adoption due to the fact that the baby isn't the sex you hoped is, to me, dumbfounding. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be judgemental, I just cannot get my head around why someone would be so upset that their baby is healthy, but simply the 'wrong' sex, and I actually found it quite upsetting to read

sophiasmum

I too will be grateful for a healthy baby of either sex - I can see advantages of both! Talk of adoption is extreme Marywooyeah, your little girl will be worth 'sacrificing ' your career for.

fireyfirenze

mysecretalias wrote: »

I'm so grateful I am having a baby - I honestly wouldn't care if it was a boy, girl, or an alien (slight exaggeration but you get my gist) - I just want my baby to be healthy - that's just my own feelings. I too don't understand why anyone would get (in my opinion) so irrationally upset about the sex of your baby - it's not like other countries where they look badly on you for not having a boy, etc.

I too wonder whether there might be some deeper reason for your extreme reaction? Even talking about adoption due to the fact that the baby isn't the sex you hoped is, to me, dumbfounding. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be judgemental, I just cannot get my head around why someone would be so upset that their baby is healthy, but simply the 'wrong' sex, and I actually found it quite upsetting to read

I totally agree with this post, a million times over.

mary I don't think my original post was mocking at all, it was genuinely in shock and surprise at your post, and even more so now that iv seen your later posts. as you can see I'm not the only person who had expressed views such as mine. anyway, sorry if you felt that, as I am not that way. I hope you get to grips with it soon.

claire16c

Mary I can understand a small bit of disappointment - I'm delighted to be having a girl as I'm very girly and I love all the clothes etc can't wait to buy all the barbies and dolls etc!

But if we'd had a boy I would have been excited about having a son who hopefully would treat me well in old age like my dad & brother help my Nan, be a 'mummy's boy' sometimes etc and I had a jungle theme idea for the nursery.

Being devastated is a word id use to describe what happened to my friend at the 20 week scan where it was revealed their baby had a fatal disease so they induced labour and my friend had to give birth, spend a few previous hours with her daughter before burying her the next week.

I wouldn't use it to describe finding out you are having a healthy baby. Surely if you thought you couldn't have any more kids this baby would be even more precious?

Why are you taking on a second job aren't you going to get ill and tired as a result? Can't your partner take care of that aspect? When are you sleeping?!!

Saying you've sacrificed your career for 'nothing' just seems odd to me as soon as you knew you were pregnant you know it could have been a girl. I'm pretty sure when most people are on their death beds they think about their family etc and not how much time they spent in a job.

Maybe you need to see a dr as maybe you are suffering from some type of depression or something? Sorry but I know there is 'gender disappointment' but this doesn't sound normal to me.