Child Maintenence

loftus

Purplepatch I can understand and I hope that none of my posts has come across as branding anyone as miserly or irresponsible - I myself am a NRP, although I have my kids almost 50% of the time, and pay maintenance that stretches me to my ex who has since re-married and is in a far better position financially than me (eg her holiday with the kids this year 5 star all inclusive £3k, mine France self-catering £300!).
However I don't look at it as my payment to her but as my payment to my children. If and when I enter a new relationship I would have to factor in the maintenance payments I make when budgetting for any future "additions". Very few go into this sort of thing blind.

nej

One thing that people don't seem to seperate is money and being a good father.

Taking my wife's ex as the example again, he is not a bad dad, really, but could be better. He phones her about one a week and sees her about 3 times per year (normally she goes there for a week). This low number of visits is because he lives 5 hours away from us (he moved, not us).

But, would paying is £200 per month make him a better, more responsible dad? No, it wouldn't. It would just deprive his other kids.

purplepatch

loftus wrote: »

Purplepatch I can understand and I hope that none of my posts has come across as branding anyone as miserly or irresponsible

Not at all, someone else said it earlier in the thread.

You sound like you have much the same attitude as my husband. However, it might be that when you meet your next partner, she wants children, same as I did, and I'm sure that had my husband told me that he wasn't sure I could have any as he mightn't be able to afford them, I don't think I'd have dropped the matter there;) Some of us ladies can be quite persuasive!:rotfl:

pusscat

To the OP

The CSA normally only has jurisdiction where both parents and the child reside in the UK
http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/setup/parents-living-abroad.asp

So your ex wife taking you case to the CSA would probably not get her anywhere.

I am not discussing the rights and wrongs of paying or not paying, simply passing on information. Check out the CSA website for full details.

HTH

Puss
xx

purplepatch

Just to say that the OP edited his first post earlier today with an update. He's brand spanking new to the forums so don't think he knew how to post a reply.

Good luck with the new arrival OP and don't be a stranger on MSE now you've joined

happymoneysaver79

Kimberley wrote: »

If you have another baby knowing you pay maintenance for a previous child and cannot afford it then why go for that baby? You hear stories of men having baby after baby after baby with different mothers and the same with women. People do not think of their children in these circumstances.

I think that that this is a silly statement, my partner who has a child from a previous relationship has had to fight in the courts to get to see his child and he has always contributed financially although recently this sum has reduced as we have had a child ourselves (after 10 years of trying), we love our children, and just because we cannot afford to give as much as we used to does not mean that we do not "think of our children". Until you know all the facts you should reserve judgement! Not all men are bad!!! :mad:

Katie~baby

happymoneysaver79 wrote: »

I think that that this is a silly statement, my partner who has a child from a previous relationship has had to fight in the courts to get to see his child and he has always contributed financially although recently this sum has reduced as we have had a child ourselves (after 10 years of trying), we love our children, and just because we cannot afford to give as much as we used to does not mean that we do not "think of our children". Until you know all the facts you should reserve judgement! Not all men are bad!!! :mad:

:T :T :T :T :T

Well said!!

And congratulations on the birth of your much awaited child as well!!:j

happymoneysaver79

nej wrote: »

I think this is very short-sighted. Do you know the situation?

If my wife left me and I fell in love with someone else and remarried, I would possibly want to have another baby. Should the new wife remain childless? This is not fair on her.

As I said before, my wife's ex got married and had 2 kids with his new wife. He now doesn't pay anything towards his daughter (my step-daughter). You know what? We don't care. He is happy, we are happy. None of us are bitter or twisted. And money doesn't get in the way. All we ask is that he take her shopping once a year for some clothes, which he usually does. He doesn't have tons of money, and we are capable of providing for her, so there is no problem.

It's mothers who try and stitch their ex's up for every penny, regardless of whether they need it or not because "it's his child", with no thought to his life that really annoy me.

WELL SAID!!!!! I AGREE (I'M A WOMAN TOO!) people like that should keep their thoughts to themselves!! makes my blood boil:mad: :mad: :mad:

mishmash

Would just like to say.

If I as the parent with care, chose to have other children and this choice resulted in me being unable to feed or clothe my original children or offer them shelter or warmth.

Say I would have to reduce the ammount I spent on them, maybe only feeding them for half the week. Would this then be acceptable? Well the law is clear I could be prosecuted for neglect if I did not meet the basic needs of my child.

I have 3 children for whom I have struggled for years to get a reasonable payment for. I have a new partner who has children from a previous relationship. He pays above the level the C.S.A set as he felt that was too low. He also contributes towards all other costs ( uniforms, haircuts, school trips and activities).

We have since had a child together and would be able to significantly reduce his payments. We have struggled financially and his ex and her new partner are very comfortable financially.

However we do not feel it is right, they are still his children, he is still responsible for them and we were both aware of the responsabilities we already had when we chose to have another child.

Mish

Katie~baby

Just because fathers have other children does not mean the first child is left out in the cold! Why do so many people believe this!! A man has every right to have more children, just as a woman does!! BOTH parents should pay for the child and if a mother could not feed her child this is NOT soley the fathers fault! The mother should provide as well!

If a mother cannot feed and clothe her child with the help a father offers then i suggest they to do something about it instead of moaning that the father doesnt pay enough.

I have a step daughter and we have a daughter together and im sick of hearing that we should not have had our beautiful intelliegent little girl who her sister adores because we should keep all our money for the first child!!

And get this, we are gonna try for another in the next year, shock horror! And yes this will reduce our payments, but does this mean we will love her any less, NO, does it mean we would see her without, NO....

The mother should HELP support the child she chose to have as well, people need to realise it takes two to have a baby!

Deep breath, rant over :rotfl: