Child Maintenence

keano16

The OP here, many thanks for all the quotes folks but it seems to me that I may have opened a right can of worms here (
There are some really good valid points to be taken from your quotes but I think I’m better off speaking to the CAB sometime soon to see how I stand with this one.
After me and my ex split in January1997 when my son was only 4 months old (her decision) I had to fight to see my son as she just wanted to get a clean break from me but over time she came to accept that I was here for the long haul and I wanted to play a big part in my son’s life. I actually think that she thinks a lot more of me nowadays for fighting to see him and for not running away; it would have been an easy option to just accept her not wanting me to play a part in his life.
I had my son 3 weekends out of every 4 which gave her plenty of free time and me my quality time to bond with my son, this was the arrangement for just over 9 years until she hit me with the bombshell of her wanting to go away to live in Spain with her new partner, my son, another son from a relationship after ours. I was gutted but I knew I would not win by trying to stand in her way plus I was also of the opinion of ‘what is there here in the UK to want to stay’ (other than me of course). She actually asked if I could pay her more money before she went out to Spain and openly admitted it was to fund part of their plans to start their new life. Claiming £200 off me and £450 of her ex partner – he is a company MD though but I feel sorry for him as she demands lump sums of money off him or threatens to stop him seeing his son. I couldn’t believe the cheek of her, making plans for a new life with my maintenance payments while taking away my son from me. I’m quite bitter as you may be able to tell – I reckon she is once again hoping that I don’t keep in touch but will gladly accept my maintenance payments so let’s just see how she responds when she hears that I want to reduce the payment.
Anyway thank you to everyone who wished me and my partner well with our eagerly waited new arrival.






Does anyone know how I would stand with the following situation?
My 10 year old son moved away to Spain with his mother exactly 12 months ago and I have continued to pay his mother £200 per month since they went out there to start their new life. I’m still in regular contact with my son via the telephone and obviously I don’t want to ever lose that contact, I’ve now moved on with my life and me and my new partner are just 3 weeks away from having our first child together. The problem I have is that money is a bit tight at the moment with all the extra spend we have had getting ready for our new arrival. I mentioned to his mother that I may need to cut my payments a little to which she said that she would take me to the cleaners and report me to the new CSA authorities. Can she do this now that she has applied for citizenship in Spain? I will always pay for my son but for £200 a month I don’t even get a phone call from him – what’s a few Euros’ compared to what I’m paying to his mum, It’s me that has to pay for him to come back to England and sometimes I have to pay for myself to take him back – all extra costs to myself even though its her that took my son away.
Can she report me / take me to the cleaners on this one?

Lizalu

I'm afraid I'm not legal enough to give you any reliable advice but £200 a month sounds steep anyway. Was that a figure agreed between the two of you or by the CSA?

I know my boyfriend pays his ex £12 per child per week (he's not a bad father, she got over £300,000 from him having not done a day's work in her life, they weren't even married so he's rather reluctant to give her any more ) as told by the CSA. When she gets married in August this figure goes down to £8. You should to your local CAB to ask more advice, but as for "taking you to the cleaners", if you're not married then she's got no chance.

misswig

keano16 wrote: »

Does anyone know how I would stand with the following situation?
My 10 year old son moved away to Spain with his mother exactly 12 months ago and I have continued to pay his mother £200 per month since they went out there to start their new life. I’m still in regular contact with my son via the telephone and obviously I don’t want to ever lose that contact, I’ve now moved on with my life and me and my new partner are just 3 weeks away from having our first child together. The problem I have is that money is a bit tight at the moment with all the extra spend we have had getting ready for our new arrival. I mentioned to his mother that I may need to cut my payments a little to which she said that she would take me to the cleaners and report me to the new CSA authorities. Can she do this now that she has applied for citizenship in Spain? I will always pay for my son but for £200 a month I don’t even get a phone call from him – what’s a few Euros’ compared to what I’m paying to his mum, It’s me that has to pay for him to come back to England and sometimes I have to pay for myself to take him back – all extra costs to myself even though its her that took my son away.
Can she report me / take me to the cleaners on this one?

I dont think the CSA has jurasdiction outside the UK so if she does go to the CSA, they have very little power to do anything anyway

Another thing is that even if the CSA could do something, when you have your LO this is taken into consideration and your payments would be reduced aanyway.

Do you have PR? if so did you give permission for your son to live abroad? If not, it is classed as child abduction.

HTH

Kimberley

Lizalu wrote: »

I'm afraid I'm not legal enough to give you any reliable advice but £200 a month sounds steep anyway. Was that a figure agreed between the two of you or by the CSA?

I know my boyfriend pays his ex £12 per child per week (he's not a bad father, she got over £300,000 from him having not done a day's work in her life, they weren't even married so he's rather reluctant to give her any more ) as told by the CSA. When she gets married in August this figure goes down to £8. You should to your local CAB to ask more advice, but as for "taking you to the cleaners", if you're not married then she's got no chance.

Your kidding :eek: £12 a week per child? That wouldn't even buy a pair of trousers :rolleyes: And it's dropping to £8 in August (let him try to bring a child up on £8 a week) Does he not want to pay for his kids or something :rolleyes:

£200 a month for one child is good compared to how much it should be.

LondonDiva

I really don't want to come across as judgemental... but:

*Maintainance and access are two seperate things. Whether you're best buddies who IM & text daily or go to footy together or not, your son still needs to eat and has the right to have other essentials provided.

*if he hasn't rung you etc, have you consistnetly rung him, say once a week, so even should your ex not pass the call, you can say hand on heart you busted a gut to maintain contact? Have you written letters to him / emailed? Made arrangements to go out to see him or for him to fly back and visit you in the holidays? have you sent him a stack of stamped blank postcards, with a nice request he write you once a week, so you can know what he's up to.

*£50 a week for a child is the minimum, rather than the maximum. It costs more than that to feed, clothe & school trips / fees etc for him.

*I know that you are having a new child, with a new partner, but (again don't want to come across as judging) you made a decision to have this new child knowing that you had a commitment & responsibility to your existing child.

*The cost of the existing child needs to be factored into any and all future life decisions. You should not reduce the money you pay unless your wages have reduced, then proportionally as the well being of your son was a factor before the new relationship and any subsequent children.

*Have you spoken to your ex and perhaps suggested a temporary reduction while the heavy new birth expenses are on and then increasing again after about 3-6 months?

*She may also be wondering if you are implicityly implying a reduction in your commitment to your son with the reduction in the money to care for him. If so, this may explain her hostility and anger.

*Before reducing maintainace for your son, have you thought of posting a SOA (?) on the dfw board & seeing where you could make cuts first such as mobile contracts etc?

Lizalu

Kimberley wrote: »

Your kidding :eek: £12 a week per child? That wouldn't even buy a pair of trousers :rolleyes: And it's dropping to £8 in August (let him try to bring a child up on £8 a week) Does he not want to pay for his kids or something :rolleyes:

£200 a month for one child is good compared to how much it should be.

I did also mention that she's taken possession of two of his buy to let houses worth over £300,000(leaving him without any pension plans)- they earn her over £850 in rent a month, none of which does she declare to the taxman. We have the kids half the time and pay for more than 80% of their things.
He is a brilliant dad, please don't criticise him. He just doesn't like paying her any more than necessary as he's now the one struggling to pay the bills while she's moved on to her new fiance, who earns a fortune.
I was merely explaining that her threat to take him to the cleaners is futile.

Kimberley

keano16 wrote: »

I will always pay for my son but for £200 a month I don’t even get a phone call from him – what’s a few Euros’ compared to what I’m paying to his mum, It’s me that has to pay for him to come back to England and sometimes I have to pay for myself to take him back – all extra costs to myself even though its her that took my son away.

Your son does not owe you anything because it's your duty to provide financially for him and just because you pay money for him which you should be that does not mean your son has to phone you just because you do. Your the adult, it's you who should contact him. You should make sure he has the means to phone you, like sending him money for calls or get Skype or MSN. The way you have wrote the above it sounds like he has to be grateful to you and has to phone you, which he doesn't. Whether or not he phones or you pay his air fare, you still have to pay maintenance.

Kimberley

Lizalu wrote: »

I did also mention that she's taken possession of two of his buy to let houses worth over £300,000(leaving him without any pension plans)- they earn her over £850 in rent a month, none of which does she declare to the taxman. We have the kids half the time and pay for more than 80% of their things.
He is a brilliant dad, please don't criticise him. He just doesn't like paying her any more than necessary as he's now the one struggling to pay the bills while she's moved on to her new fiance, who earns a fortune.
I was merely explaining that her threat to take him to the cleaners is futile.

What has that got to do with the child? It doesn't matter how much the mother has got out of him, he still needs to support his child.

Lizalu

Kimberley wrote: »

What has that got to do with the child? It doesn't matter how much the mother has got out of him, he still needs to support his child.

What has it got to do with the children?!! So the father should be the only one to "support" the children? No, if the mother's getting an income that should also be used. And if the CSA knew about the money she was getting he wouldn't even have to pay that much.

Your first post said he was a bad dad for not providing the mother with money to bring them up. The CSA told him to pay only £12 a week, and that was for him only having the kids 1 night a week. As it happens he has them 3 or 4 nights, and like i said pays for most of their stuff as well as paying twice what the CSA said. He supports his children fine.

Kimberley

Lizalu wrote: »

Your first post said he was a bad dad for not providing the mother with money to bring them up. The CSA told him to pay only £12 a week, and that was for him only having the kids 1 night a week. As it happens he has them 3 or 4 nights, and like i said pays for most of their stuff as well as paying twice what the CSA said. He supports his children fine.

You didn't say he had them 3/4 nights and pays for other stuff though did you :rolleyes: Also it doesn't matter if she is seriously rich, he still has a moral duty to support his child even if he doesn't have to by law.

loftus

Lizalu wrote: »

What has it got to do with the children?!! So the father should be the only one to "support" the children? No, if the mother's getting an income that should also be used. And if the CSA knew about the money she was getting he wouldn't even have to pay that much.

Your first post said he was a bad dad for not providing the mother with money to bring them up. The CSA told him to pay only £12 a week, and that was for him only having the kids 1 night a week. As it happens he has them 3 or 4 nights, and like i said pays for most of their stuff as well as paying twice what the CSA said. He supports his children fine.

What he is ordered to pay for his children by the CSA has nothing at all to do with her income or assets. It is solely based on your boyfriends net income and the amount of overnights he has.
£12 per child per week is very low with one overnight. That would equate to an annual salary (assuming two children) of around 7-8000 pounds a year after tax.