In a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Softasputty

Vicky123 wrote: »

Yes, that's a good point, just thinking of my own experience of someone who had/has a pretty dreadful personality disorder but refuses to acknowledge the problem at any level at all, either way extremely difficult if not impossible to live with, ultimately OP will need to put her own well being first especially as 10yrs has already been spent in this situation.

Exactly why I have taken the step of separation. My own sanity and the emotional security of my son are paramount and I will not resume my relationship with his dad unless he can show us both that he has sought help and maintained this for a considerable length of time. I am just being honest about my feelings for him. When you have invested 10 years into a relationship you don't end it on a whim.

Softasputty

DomRavioli wrote: »

Hi OP,

I have BPD - diagnosed almost 10 years ago now. Your partner needs to see someone as soon as possible to get a diagnosis of whatever it is - the sooner your OH gets a diagnosis, the sooner they can go on the never ending waiting lists (I'm talking years per treatment in some areas - but don't be disheartened) for treatments.

In respect of medication - BPD can't be treated with medication, but its side effects and comorbidities can be, which is probably why the prozac isn't working - if it isn't for something specific, then its not going to be helping.

If your OH self-harms (big part of most BPD diagnoses), then he may be referred for DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) which can take place in like a day centre where you attend for a day a week, sometimes more, until you are able to cope with the disorder in a rational and emotionally stable manner.
they may also go to psychotherapy which is usually around the 6 month duration mark, but can be longer if that is needed.

If you want to know anything else, PM me if you want. I have some awesome links, let me know if you want them posting.

Also, check out the NICE guidelines on BPD - they are great for understanding the condition and its treatments.

I have sent you a PM - thank you :rotfl:

Vicky123

Softasputty wrote: »

Exactly why I have taken the step of separation. My own sanity and the emotional security of my son are paramount and I will not resume my relationship with his dad unless he can show us both that he has sought help and maintained this for a considerable length of time. I am just being honest about my feelings for him. When you have invested 10 years into a relationship you don't end it on a whim.

I understand that, it's not easy, hopefully your partner will see this through and get the professional help.

Softasputty

I have texted him today suggesting he seek professional help as well as self- help via internet. He says he will if I want him to but he is worried about the stigma that a diagnosis on his medical record could bring. I don't think he has a choice.

He says he has read a lot about BPD now and the main therapy is 'dialectical training' which is mindfulness and the drug often prescribed is fluoxetine which he is taking now. He says this combination should make a big difference.

Softasputty

PS to those who have sent me a PM - thank you. MSE only allows me to reply once as I'm a newbie. I will reply when possible. I am very grateful for information. :j

UKTigerlily

With respect, OP, your OH isn't a medical professional & IMO (as someone with both Borderline Personality Disorder & Bipolar Disorder) he should look for professional help. Don't get me wrong, the mindfulness can't hurt & if it helps that's great he should carry on with that but it's not something to do instead of getting help.

I first got diagnosed with Depression aged maybe 20, then around the age of 26 I pointed out to my GP that i'd been on various Antidepressants for all those years with no change & that I felt it was more & I asked to be referred to a Psychiatrist. From there I was diagnosed with BPD at 26 & then Bipolar at 28.

I think he should go to see his GP & explain all of his symptoms & how they affect him, write them down if he may miss any out. Explain the consequences of things he's done, how it's affecting your relationship etc & ask to see a Psychiatrist to be sure it's nothing major (also explain his Mum was Bipolar if they don't know, it can run in families)

There is help out there but as someone said there can be long waiting lists, I can't get DBT here at all. I haven't found having a history/diagnosis a problem at all with things like work, so long as it's well controlled most employers agree why should I sit at home living on benefits when I can work & want to? The main thing IMO is getting the help, if people have a problem with it would he want to work for them anyway?

Good luck to you both, please encourage him to see the GP & try for a referal

Softasputty

Thank you UK for sharing your story. I appreciate your honesty. I have urged him to return to his GP and ask for a referral. It is a good idea to write down what he wants to say. I have looked at the NICE information and his behaviour mirrors the symptoms listed in almost every area. He has never tried to take his own life but he has self- harmed, mainly by punching or slapping his face or arms. I know we cannot diagnose his condition and be certain but at least it is something to discuss with GP.

Softasputty

Thanks everyone for your advice and support. It's really helped.

Jenny484

I have been in a relationship with one. I would probably honestly advise most people to run and never look back.

I can't think of anything being more destructive to a relationship. It is probably different from case to case but I was fearing my safety and own sanity so had to leave.

Twisted_Cherry

Hello OP,

I have BPD or rather Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder as the professionals call it now!

I was diagnosed in 2008 after about 5 years of being treated for depression.

It is a complicated illness, sadly very misunderstand by so many professionals and people!

I cannot say whether your partner has BPD or not since I am not a professional, but from what you say it most certainly sounds like he has some traits of BPD.

I can only echo what other people here have said and that is to see his GP and get a referral to a psychiatrist who CAN diagnose him or at least assess him for mental health problems, and perhaps look past the depression.

As for recovery from BPD, it is possible, but it is hard work. I do not know much about DBT, but I am aware of Mindfulness and incorporate this in my daily routines!

For me I was lucky enough to get accepted on a Mentalization Based Treatment programme, a 2 year long programme with twice weekly therapy. It was incredibly difficult and an emotional journey but I am finding my life a lot better and coping a lot more with day to day things - the biggest test will be getting through the next six months now winter is approaching, as the past couple of winters I have been acutely unwell, with many hospital admissions.

Technically the NICE Guidelines are exactly what it says 'A Guideline' medication is not recommend for BPD, and therapy is... however many people with BPD do take medication whether it be on a long term or short term basis. Usually as someone else posted this is to treat other comorbidities such as Depression, Insomnia, Anxiety etc.

First and foremost, get your partner to see his GP, do not self diagnose since it was be most unhelpful in the long run. Finally good luck!