Girlfriend of Eight Years Left Me - Just Bought A House

heartbreak_star

You're not whining - I think you're being pretty darn strong!

HBS x

tayforth

OP - you're handling this really well, all things considered. Your ex and her new man are behaving like a pair of idiots (and you're well rid of her); but of course it's hurtful for you. Things are still raw. Be kind to yourself.

Well done on closing your FB account, I sometimes think about doing the same thing.

Keep us posted if you can. And have another virtual hug, no such thing as too many hugs!


justme111 is being as helpful as ever, I see...

C22DTJ

Thank you, Tayforth. I actually just read your thread. Inspiring stuff, it's great to see how you have progressed and gives me hope that in time I will be able to do the same.

marisco_2

C22DTJ wrote: »

Any advice for dealing with this? Obviously all I can picture right now is her and him together, and it's not a nice picture.

I'm also feeling wholly inadequate, and very insignificant, meaningless almost.

Urghhh facebook the root of all evil. How horrible to discover your ex has moved on into a new relationship via social media. I think most people would struggle with seeing and knowing, that someone they loved and had planned a future with, could replace them so quickly. Bare in mind though that your value as a person doesn't decrease based on another's inability to appreciate your worth.

As for how to deal with this. See the situation for what it really is. Your ex has gone from her relationship with you straight into another. She hasn't taken any time to be by herself and work out what she wants from her life. This screams rebound relationship and they rarely work out. As for the guy she is with, do you really envy him? Lets face it your ex treated you badly, planning an exit for over a year yet still letting things go as far as you buying property together. Not exactly an upfront and honest individual who considers others in the way she conducts herself.

It may not feel like it now but you have had the mother of all escapes.

tayforth

C22DTJ wrote: »

Thank you, Tayforth. I actually just read your thread. Inspiring stuff, it's great to see how you have progressed and gives me hope that in time I will be able to do the same.

Thanks so much for your kind comment. My thread is full of amazing advice and support from fellow posters. I'm telling you, marisco is right - you've had a lucky escape and this will become more apparent as time goes on.

C22DTJ

marisco wrote: »

your value as a person doesn't decrease based on another's inability to appreciate your worth.

Wow, this is golden, thank you.

C22DTJ

At the risk of turning this into a journal rather than a forum thread, I wanted to check in and update things after what was easily the most difficult week yet (given Wednesday's developments). I also feel it's important to note my progress for the benefit of anyone unfortunate enough to face similar in the future.

What a difference the days make. I feel so much better it's remarkable. I spent Wednesday night and most of Thursday feeling physically sick, but as I drove past her house on my way home on Thursday night (which, unfortunately I have to do, I don't do out of choice!) whereas I would have previously glanced at her house, second guessing what she "might" be up to, I got an overwhelmingly liberating feeling of "I really couldn't care less about what she is doing".

From that point on, I've been feeling better each day. The burning hatred for her that manifested after the discovery of her new boyfriend and his subsequent communication to me has dissipated into a feeling of welcome disregard. I don't miss her, I don't have any interest in what she's doing, and I don't wish to speak to her or see her. Of course, I lament the fact I no longer have company and the loneliness grates on occasion, but it is not her that I miss, rather the companionship and intimacy with another woman.

I know, however, that in time I will find that again, and I am enjoying the freedom of taking as long as I need to do that.

I don't regret a lot of our memories, and the happy memories will always be happy memories. Every day, though, I realise just how unhealthy the relationship was, and just how far back the problems actually began to show.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I would've liked things to end more amicably, but in all honesty, I'm not entirely sure if such an outcome is genuinely possible.

Thanks again to those who have offered encouragement and support, it's funny to consider the places one turns for advice in times of desperation but I've received such fantastic advice here that it warrants a sizeable thank you.

kelpie35

Thank you for giving us an update.

It has cheered me up reading your post and to see how well you are doing.

I hope in the not to distant future you will find someone that deserves your love and kindness.

ognum

C22DTJ wrote: »

At the risk of turning this into a journal rather than a forum thread, I wanted to check in and update things after what was easily the most difficult week yet (given Wednesday's developments). I also feel it's important to note my progress for the benefit of anyone unfortunate enough to face similar in the future.

What a difference the days make. I feel so much better it's remarkable. I spent Wednesday night and most of Thursday feeling physically sick, but as I drove past her house on my way home on Thursday night (which, unfortunately I have to do, I don't do out of choice!) whereas I would have previously glanced at her house, second guessing what she "might" be up to, I got an overwhelmingly liberating feeling of "I really couldn't care less about what she is doing".

From that point on, I've been feeling better each day. The burning hatred for her that manifested after the discovery of her new boyfriend and his subsequent communication to me has dissipated into a feeling of welcome disregard. I don't miss her, I don't have any interest in what she's doing, and I don't wish to speak to her or see her. Of course, I lament the fact I no longer have company and the loneliness grates on occasion, but it is not her that I miss, rather the companionship and intimacy with another woman.

I know, however, that in time I will find that again, and I am enjoying the freedom of taking as long as I need to do that.

I don't regret a lot of our memories, and the happy memories will always be happy memories. Every day, though, I realise just how unhealthy the relationship was, and just how far back the problems actually began to show.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I would've liked things to end more amicably, but in all honesty, I'm not entirely sure if such an outcome is genuinely possible.

Thanks again to those who have offered encouragement and support, it's funny to consider the places one turns for advice in times of desperation but I've received such fantastic advice here that it warrants a sizeable thank you.

OP well done and thanks for the update.

I would like to just make one comment and this is really just so you are aware not to bring you down.

Following this type of breakdown or death of a relationship feelings are pretty cyclic. You will feel sad, you will feel angry, you will feel bereft, you will feel content but be prepared for any of those feeling to return just because you have had them it doesn't mean they won't come back.

just be prepared but know that you will get through them again just as you have this time. Sorry if you feel like this is not what you want to hear but just be prepared.

Well done, keep updating and try and ride the waves.

C22DTJ

Thanks Kelpie, Ognum.

Oh I'm expecting the ups and downs for sure. I'm already facing difficult moments somewhat spontaneously, although they have so far been short lived and quickly suppressed by my recent clarity.

Interestingly, the polar opposite of how I was feeling prior.