Feeling very low

whitewing

He sounds like a very decent bloke who genuinely likes and respects you.

He perhaps is worried about how much he likes you. If it bothers him about his job then he may well have been thinking very seriously about the long term commitment and what he can bring to it.

I think everybody is right that you need to break contact.

gt568

Kabazzzz wrote: »

Needy isn't something that I do. In fact, he has always said how much of a strong woman I am and how attractive he finds it..

Like it or not, maintaining contact with the dumpor after getting the spanish archer makes the dumpee look needy....

Just how it looks, thats all, not judging.

Lotus-eater

It does sound like he really likes you, but maybe he really doesn't want kids, so how is that ever going to work? I know yours have a Dad, but a proxy Dad moving in has massive issues to face.

Tiddlywinks

It sounds like he has decided that you both want different things in life and that it is time to make a break.

If he genuinely doesn't want children then he is actually doing the right thing in ending it and there is no point in trying to make him change.

He has ended it, you need to respect that and not make any contact. Who knows, absence may indeed make the heart grow fonder.

dandelionclock30

It sounds like hes let you down gently and hes really not that into you. If he really loved you then he wouldnt dump you no way. It sounds like he doesnt want to take your kids on as a significant person in their lives.
I think you need to move on really and dont be waiting around for him to change his mind. Have self respect and dont be running after him.
Thers plenty of other men, dont give him a second thought its his loss.

Kabazzzz

Perhaps you are all right. Well, I know the no contact is the way forward, it's what I would tell my mates after all.

It's not even as if I'm in love with the guy! We just get on so well and I'm missing the bones off him.


He hasn't heard from me for 24 hours now, but he emailed just before he left work yesterday and has just text me asking how my Sat is going 'sigh'.

victory

Kabazzzz wrote: »

When we had "the chat", we kissed a few times and you can tell in a kiss if there is something there.. I could feel it. I know he felt it.

Now I know if I read that line I would think "he sounds like an idiot, keeping his options open etc" but he's not like that at all. He rarely goes out drinking, isn't a social butterfly at all and had been single for a few years before I came along as he is very picky.


He was shaking as well and said he felt nervous and sick, maybe that's natural for the dumper?

You can tell if there is something there in a kiss but also you can tell more by actions and his actions at the moment are to leave you... he sounds like a genuine nice man that has caught himself into something he does not want to be in and wants out but is trying desperately to let you down gently and to not cause as much as pain as he knows is happening to you now...

That does not make him want to be a father figure to your children or maybe to want to have children in later life, he wants to be free and able to pursue his career, life, hopes and dreams wherever that may take him, he has said he does not want children or to be your children's father figure and they are two very important non negotiable things as you already have two children....

Relationships, people in them both have to pretty much want what each others want and he has said he does want children maybe in later life that is a big ask to have to wait around and see if that actually happens, you have to be both on the same page...

Lotus-eater

9 months and you're not in love with him?

I'm confused.

Kabazzzz

Lotus-eater wrote: »

9 months and you're not in love with him?

I'm confused.

Well maybe I'm not being completely honest as I do have very strong feelings for him which is the problem I guess. I wouldn't want to get in the way of his career aspirations just as I wouldn't expect anyone to get in the way of mine.


I do think that the children issue is the deal breaker for him, regardless of how he feels for me.

Tiddlywinks

Kabazzzz wrote: »

I do think that the children issue is the deal breaker for him, regardless of how he feels for me.

If this is the case, then you just need to accept that the two of you are too different to make it work.

You can't make someone want children and this is just too important to even consider trying to ask him to give it a go on the off chance he might change his mind.

As to the texts etc... Perhaps just send him a text asking him not to contact you for a while as you both need space.