Feeling very low

Kabazzzz

I'm feeling pretty low this morning.

My relationship ended a few days ago. He's amazing and we get on so well, I've never clicked with anyone the way we've clicked.


I'm 33 and have two children (13 and 12) and he's 31 and has none.


We were only together for 9 months but they were a brilliant 9 months.


The thing is, is that he hates his job and feels as though he hasn't achieved anything and so wants to move away and thinks it best to end it now before we get too close. Whereas I have my own house, a good job and children and so perhaps it could be perceived that I've achieved even though it doesn't feel that way sometimes).


He does want children but isn't ready to be a father figure now (I have never asked him to be, besides the kids have their own dad).


We've been in contact every day for the last nine months and even every day since the split. I am dying to get in contact with him today but I know it's not doing me any favours.


I keep hoping he'll change his mind, he even said it was possible but he may already have lost me by then - he volunteered that, I didn't ask him.


I really, really miss him

System

Give him some space... and maybe given time he'll miss you just as much as you miss him.

Big ((((hugs)))

Toto

Judi wrote: »

Give him some space... and maybe given time he'll miss you just as much as you miss him.

Big ((((hugs)))

Absolutely, I agree. No contact, as hard as this is, no texts, no calls no emails, facebook, nothing. Give him a chance to miss you. At the moment he has you dangling on a piece of string to pick up as he feels fit.

Make yourself busy, go out with friends, take the kids to the cinema, go to get your hair done, wander around a museum, read a book, anything at all just stop contacting him.

This too will pass x

zaksmum

As others say, DO NOT contact him.

If he wants to be with you, let him make the running.

If he doesn't, you're better off without him.

scooby088

Maybe he is missing you as much, but like everyone says don't contact him unless he contacts first.

marisco_2

I would suggest you give each other some space. Cut all contact by phone, text, email, facebook etc. Whilst you are still so easily available to him, you aren't taking the time to think things through and decide what you really want or how you feel. There is no need for someone to move away and throw in a relationship, that from your perspective at least sounds really good, just because they hate their job and don't feel like they have achieved anything. Unless you live in a really rural area with very limited job prospects your partner could look for alternative employment nearby.

His admission that he is not ready to be a father figure speaks volumes. As much as you have never asked him to be, having children to consider within your relationship does bring responsibilities and restrictions, that maybe he is not wanting to take on at this time in his life. He is not being very fair to you by tugging on your heartstrings, and suggesting he may change his mind at some point. By saying this could be possible but he may have lost you by then, suggests this apparent state of confusion he is in could be long lasting. I am sorry to say it but deep down I think he wants out now but doesn't have the courage to just say so honestly.

OliveOil

zaksmum wrote: »

As others say, DO NOT contact him.

If he wants to be with you, let him make the running.

If he doesn't, you're better off without him.

I completely agree with this. In the meantime, concentrate on yourself

gt568

Yep, don't appear needy. Nothing turns people away more than a "needy"...

Good luck though!

Kabazzzz

marisco wrote: »

Unless you live in a really rural area with very limited job prospects your partner could look for alternative employment nearby.

Unfortunately we do live in a rural area. But his family are from here so he has ties to the area, I don't as mine all live abroad.

His admission that he is not ready to be a father figure speaks volumes. As much as you have never asked him to be, having children to consider within your relationship does bring responsibilities and restrictions, that maybe he is not wanting to take on at this time in his life.


Yes, this is the most worrying thing for me. I have kept him away from the children purely for this reason, don't want to confuse them and I didn't want him to feel pressured in any way.

Kabazzzz

gt568 wrote: »

Yep, don't appear needy. Nothing turns people away more than a "needy"...

Good luck though!

Needy isn't something that I do. In fact, he has always said how much of a strong woman I am and how attractive he finds it..

Kabazzzz

When we had "the chat", we kissed a few times and you can tell in a kiss if there is something there.. I could feel it. I know he felt it.

Now I know if I read that line I would think "he sounds like an idiot, keeping his options open etc" but he's not like that at all. He rarely goes out drinking, isn't a social butterfly at all and had been single for a few years before I came along as he is very picky.


He was shaking as well and said he felt nervous and sick, maybe that's natural for the dumper?