Feeling very low

Kabazzzz

globetraveller wrote: »

I am not really getting this. Why are you low? is it because you are a losing a friend? Perhaps he has been happy to accept that you don't love him up till now but is reassessing and deciding he wants more. He is perhaps hoping that his absence will make you realise you do actually love him - which is obviously not the case so far. You need to let him go.

I told him that I thought I may have been falling for him. That is why I feel so low, because the guy that I was beginning to let into my life and into my heart doesn't want it.

Toto

Kabazzzz wrote: »

I appreciate the bluntness... in fact, I know it all deep down. I am a believer of what will be, will be but, I am still hoping that he will change his mind. Of course, even if he does it doesn't change the fact that he's going so it's probably for the best if he doesn't!

It's so frustrating!!


I'm not ready to tell him to leave me alone though, plus we work together (same company, different building... same team... that I am due to return to on 1st Oct... and our desks are opposite each other! I know, I know!! I kept saying initially that we shouldn't act on our feelings purely for this reason but he pursued me... and now it's gone belly up!!


I never thought I'd have or even want another child but I did find myself daydreaming about one day having a child with him.. He's always said that he wants children one day. So I guess for me at least, I have discovered that I would if the right guy came along.


I am finding this thread helpful and therapeutic though so thanks everyone.

The people who need to tell someone to leave them alone are never the ones who are ready to. If you were, you wouldn't need to would you!

I think in your situation you really need to redefine this relationship quickly before you go back to work. You need a bit of space between the romantic relationship and the professional relationship so they don't blend into each other.

Really, no contact, and if he texts you tell him (once) to stop contacting you and after that ignore everything.

paulineb_2

Kabazzzz wrote: »

I told him that I thought I may have been falling for him. That is why I feel so low, because the guy that I was beginning to let into my life and into my heart doesn't want it.

Tbh, I can understand there being complications when you have kids and some people have been hurt before and thats hard as well, but you said it was a brilliant 9 months, but it took you that long to believe you were falling for him

I think if it did take that long, hes really not the one for you anyway.

Kabazzzz

I know what you're saying although I dropped that bombshell on him a few months ago.

I didn't bring it up again as although his reaction was lovely and I didn't expect him to say it back, he said that it worried him a bit as it had been a long time since it was said to him (she slept with his "best" mate and they'd been together for 5 years, his longest relationship).

marisco_2

Kabazzzz wrote: »

I'm not ready to tell him to leave me alone though, plus we work together (same company, different building... same team... that I am due to return to on 1st Oct... and our desks are opposite each other! I know, I know!!

Even more reason to cut contact. It will hurt like crazy at first and go against your natural instincts. If you don't do it though it just leaves you in limbo land, confused and upset, wondering if he may just change his mind and make a go of it with you. Not the frame of mind to be in when you return to work in a couple of weeks and are sat opposite him. I am sorry you are going through this horrible time and hope things work out for you soon.

paulineb_2

Kabazzzz wrote: »

I know what you're saying although I dropped that bombshell on him a few months ago.

I didn't bring it up again as although his reaction was lovely and I didn't expect him to say it back, he said that it worried him a bit as it had been a long time since it was said to him (she slept with his "best" mate and they'd been together for 5 years, his longest relationship).

Old baggage, we all have it

Either hes ready to be in a relationship or hes not.

happy_witch

Sorry to hear you are suffering - most of us have been there. I told myself that I am not being rejected, just re-directed to something better........xx

Kabazzzz

I read on the forum last week sometime about people updating their threads. So here goes...


I would just like to point out that the advice that I was given at the start of this thread, although I wasn't ready for it and I didn't follow it (like an idiot), was very good advice!


So, quick recap. Together with a guy for 9 months, got dumped, remained in contact (against advice from posters, mates etc). I was supposed to move back to my old job on 1st Oct but it didn't happen and I was seconded elsewhere for a further 4 months...


He was true to his word and did move away to pursue his career, to London in January this year. We met up before he went and got very drunk together which ended with him getting a bit emotional and telling me that he regretted the breakup, he was really going to miss me and that I could be the one thing that he regrets leaving behind... (would like to say that nothing happened between us so it wasn't an attempt to get his leg over before he went!).


I had started to feel ok about our breakup until that point and then it just made all the old feeling for him re-surface. We kept in touch, our messages were as they had always been, flirty, full of banter etc.


Anyway, his last text to me 2 weeks ago was about how he was missing home and would be home for a visit soon and that we should meet up for a drink and a squeeze (cuddle... mind out of the gutter people!).


So last night, finally got a new app on my phone and it automatically synched my contacts and his name came up... with a profile pic of him and another girl. It was a shock to say the least as his messages had never hinted at any new relationship... I did message him via the app and just said "nice profile pic" and omitted the obligatory "xx" as all our messages usually end. Perhaps it's innocent, perhaps it isn't.


But the point is. I should've listened to the wise MSE'ers and taken the advice that was dished out to me all those months ago.


I've refused dates, refused giving out my number etc all because I was emotionally unavailable and being dangled on a string.


Truth hurts. But I'm glad I finally know where I stand. I just regret not being strong enough to tell him to b*ggar off and leave me alone in the first place!

Morglin

Now go out, enjoy yourself and forget him.:beer:

Plenty more fish in the sea (as the cliche goes).

What is meant to be, will be.

Lin

FBaby

You hang on to a potential reconciliation and there is nothing wrong with that. You were not a full, no-one knows what the future holds and yours could have been with him realising that he still wanted to be with you and with him settle in a new job and feeling more confident about it.

Unfortunately, destiny seems to have taken a different avenue and now is the time to turn the page, but don't beat yourself up for it, on the opposite, you were prepared to give it a chance despite the potential hurt and that does take guts to do.